Bette

The first time she thinks about Tina after the breakup, there are so many tears in her eyes that she can barely see beyond her own nose, the same nose that used to get peppered with kisses in the morning. The same nose she used to hide in the nook of Tina’s neck to breathe her in.

The second time she thinks about Tina after the breakup, it hurts. It hurts in ways she didn’t believe were possible; after all, heartbreak isn’t supposed to be like that in real life. That kind of pain is supposed to exist only in fiction…right? 

(Bullshit).

The third time she thinks about Tina after the breakup, she can almost hear it; she can practically hear the quiet sound of her heart breaking; it is a clean sound –like cutting a flower– followed by gut-wrenching pain. It’s funny, she thinks; the feeling is strangely familiar and reminds her of the time –more than a decade ago– when she broke her arm. That day, she heard the bone breaking long before the pain started, and she only realized how much it hurt once she saw the weird angle of her wrist. Something similar happened to her heart.

Bette thought she could now understand what many authors described as “heartbreak.” It felt like someone had come up to her and ripped an essential part of her anatomy –a piece she didn’t even know she needed–and now, the tissue was red, exposed, and infected. 

It was funny, though, how she seemed to miss Tina almost on principle. She always laughed bitterly when she thought about it until she remembered that who wouldn’t? Who would be so absolutely crazy not to miss the woman with the sweet eyes and the brilliant smile? Funny indeed. 

A smile took over her face. 

She always liked to think that she wasn’t really a fan of physical beauty and didn’t really care about silly things like that. In fact, she always felt very proud of how she stood against social norms and beauty cannons. She rejected the superficial speech almost on instinct -but maybe, in some way, she did that because she always felt more connected to the more impactful beauty of art, of emotion. But even then, with all that in mind, Bette was always rendered blind by the beauty of Tina Kennard.