Dana watched as her ex agent, Conrad stalked off the tennis court after being fired. He was angry, but deserved it. He had been holding her back, all in the pretense that he knew better than she did, that her clock was ticking and her Anna Kournikova days were numbered. He knew her career meant everything to her and he had her bullied into thinking that she couldn’t make it in the tennis world as a *****, unless she was a super star like Martina. All to find out that Subaru had known all along that she was *****, but still wanted to sponsor her. In fact she was shocked, but excited to learn that they wanted to market her as the “***** Anna Kournikova”. She still couldn’t believe it.

Dana turned back in time to shake the hands of the Subaru reps and thanked them once more as they left the tennis court to finish up their work on the campaign ad.

She took a moment just to breathe as she looked out over the court then sat down on the concrete steps. She thought about how the day had started out really rank, considering how hung over she was. Last night, she thought that she could hide her sorrow in the amount of alcohol she consumed. But when she woke up that morning, she realized that wasn’t the case. Her life was just as messed up as the day before, only now the world was spinning too.

Inevitably, her mind wandered back to Lara. She was so excited, all she wanted to do was go find her and share the news, but she couldn’t. Her agent had her so scared over being outted that she broke up with Lara the night before. I always mess things up, she declared to herself as she closed her eyes, replaying the painful look on Lara’s face as she realized Dana was breaking up with her.

How the ***** am I going to make up for what I said to her now? “Every time I look at you, I’m reminded that you’re a bigger better person than I am. And I don’t want to be with you.” Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Having realized her mistake, she became determined to make amends and she knew exactly where she’d find Lara. Of course, she was fully prepared to beg on her hands and knees for forgiveness, knowing how badly she messed up with her. She probably won’t even want to see me after last night, but I have to try.

Dana stood up, grabbed her gym bag and prayed for help as she walked up the stairs, knowing that things probably wouldn’t go well when she found Lara. Nevertheless, she had hope that she hadn’t completely ruined the best thing to ever happen to her.
~~~~

Lara was still hurting. She had thought that her and Dana had gotten passed all the bullshit, but last night had proven otherwise. She partly blamed herself though, she knew she was pushing Dana hard, but she thought she could handle it. She thought she was ready.

Dana messed up once with her and now here she was doing the same thing, over the same issue. Why didn’t she see it coming? She felt like a fool, she let her in and she forgave her and continued the relationship only to have it come back and bite her hard.

It was tearing her up inside. She hadn’t slept at all the night before. All she wanted was for things to be okay again, to be good again. But all she could see were the tears falling from Dana’s face as she told her that she didn’t want to be with her and it absolutely broke her heart. Her spirit had been heavy ever since the moment she realized Dana was breaking up with her. But she was strong. She’d get through this.

Lara had forced herself to go to work that morning. Life goes on, right? She was determined to be strong about it. She could do this. If Dana didn’t want her, it wasn’t the end of the world. There are plenty of other women out there who would, maybe not as sweet, or loving, or not as cute or as adorably geeky as her Dana.

“*****!” Lara pulled her thumb up to her mouth trying to soothe the cut her little reminiscing had caused. She nicked her fingers all the time, so no one paid much attention as she reached for a bandage. I have to stop thinking like this. It’s over. I’m stronger than this.

Dana watched from the doorway, her first reaction was to rush in to play ‘kiss it and make it better’, but she screwed up and lost the right to do that. So she held back, mesmerized by a different looking Lara before her. She looked like she hadn’t slept for days. Probably had her fair share of crying too. Dana felt horrible, she knew it was because of what she had done to her.

Dana was quickly loosing her nerve, but when she saw Lara look up, then over to her, she froze, unable to move, caught up in her gaze. There was a hope building in the look, the longer it was held. She still felt the connection, it was still there, even after everything. But there was something else now too, she realized. Pain and hurt. When she couldn’t stand it anymore, she looked down, breaking the hold they had over each other.

Lara finally caught her breath and looked away as well. She wasn’t ready to face Dana yet, the hurt still too new. She hadn’t expected to see her standing in the doorway when she looked up, but her gaze had somehow been drawn there and then found that she couldn’t look away to save her life, or maybe her sanity. The last thing she needed was to see Dana right now.

Lara looked up again to find Dana standing directly in front of her. The look on her face told her that she was having just as difficult a time as herself. But she couldn’t allow herself to fall again, to let herself believe that things could be different, that they could work it out.

“Lara…,” Dana began as she caught Lara’s gaze once again.

“Dana… just, don’t, she cut her off. Lara had no intentions of hearing Dana out this time, it was too hard.

“But I…”

“Dana… I can’t… please, I can’t do this right now, Lara pleaded as she looked anywhere but at Dana. She didn’t think she was strong enough to look her in the eye and tell her that she needed time, when all she really wanted was to make up with her on the spot.

“But I wanted to tell you…”

“Please…” Cutting her off once again, Lara looked up, almost crumbling at the look on Dana’s face. And with tears forming in her eyes, she forced herself to be strong. Or maybe it was just stubbornness, not that it truly matters when you tell the person you love that you don’t want to be with them. It was like hearing someone else say the words, “Dana, stop… this isn’t working out. You said it yourself. Now, please… I have work to do here.”

Dana took notice of everyone in the kitchen trying not to look like they were looking, but looking nonetheless as she repeatedly tried and failed to talk to Lara, to tell her how sorry she was and that she had made such a huge mistake.

Feeling defeated, her insecurities finally caught up with her. With tears streaming down her face, she whispered, “I’m so sorry” as she turned and walked away.

Lara watched, as the one person who she thought was right for her in this world, walked out the door. Barely containing the urge to run after her, she broke down crying, when her friend came to her side, offering comfort.