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My heart stopped. I know Mariana and Jesus are in the car with me but my heart has stopped. I’ve just heard the words I never wanted to hear. ‘Stef’s been shot’ my baby. My domestic partner. my lover. My best friend. The woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. She’s been shot. I want to cry. I need to hold myself together. I need to get to the hospital. I need to see her. Mike had no details. I put the car in to gear and moved off. Driving towards the hospital.
“Where are we gonna mama?” Mariana asked.
“the hospital.” I bit out. I didn’t mean too. I’m scared.
“Why?” Jesus asked. I took a deep breath I couldn’t lose it. it’s not there fault. They didn’t shoot their mom.
“because mom’s been shot.” I said. Slowly. I hear them both gasp. I need to see Stef. We arrive at the hospital and no one has spoken we rushed into the hospital and into the ER. I want to see Stef I don’t care about anything but seeing Stef.
I’m sat with Stef. I’ve let the kids go home but I can’t leave her. I’m slowly rubbing her arm. She’s surrounded by machines and drips. She has a tube down her throat to help her breathe.
“I’m not leaving you tonight.” I said slowly. I hate seeing her like this. I always knew that one day this would happen. her job is dangerous. I just didn’t expect it to happen when she’d gone to get one of our children.
“I love you Stef Foster. I hate that you’re here.” I said slowly I’m tired. But I don’t want to take my eyes off her. I want to watch her chest raise and full. I want to make sure she’s okay. I hate seeing her like this. she looked tiny in the ER. Now she still does. I can’t let go of her hand. I don’t want to let go. It’s strange but it seems odd that if I let go she’ll drift away. I rest my head against her arm and close my eyes. Needing to hold her. wanting to be with her. I can’t cope without her.