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    I am the same that was yours

    Story written on February 10, 2023 by Sof.
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    5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Genre(s): , , ,
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    Number of Comments: 4
    Words: 3169
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=114584
    Author Notes:

    “Yo no quiero enmudecer, vida mía. ¿Cómo sin mi grito fiel me hallarías?¿Cuál señal, cuál me declara, vida mía? Soy la misma que fue tuya, vida mía. Ni lenta ni trascordada ni perdida.” ― Gabriela Mistral. Tina Everything happened so quickly that she almost felt motion sick. One moment, she was talking and laughing with

    “Yo no quiero enmudecer, vida mía. ¿Cómo sin mi grito fiel me hallarías?¿Cuál señal, cuál me declara, vida mía? Soy la misma que fue tuya, vida mía. Ni lenta ni trascordada ni perdida.”

    ― Gabriela Mistral.

    Tina

    Everything happened so quickly that she almost felt motion sick. One moment, she was talking and laughing with Carrie about some silly thing she couldn’t even remember now, and the next, she felt the all-encompassing warmth of Bette’s arms around her. 

    “I hope you are happy. Happier…” She whispered, and Tina’s body froze. She felt her heart pounding in her chest, beating loudly against her ears. Suddenly, all she could hear was white noise. Her head felt faint, and her breathing got shallow. She could hear her talking; god, she could almost taste her words. And they tasted bitter, like the ashes of them. Bette’s voice caressed her skin, begging her to listen, but she couldn’t process that sentence. She didn’t want to. 

    She always thought it was silly to run when facing a conversation you didn’t want to have. After all, sooner or later, you must have it; better to get it out of the way quickly. But now, Jesus, she felt like she was drowning, crumbling, dying, all at once. And her voice, god, her voice. Bette was always very good at hiding some of her most complicated feelings, but now…she could hear the heartbreak and sadness in her tone as clearly as the noises coming from the TV in the living room. And Tina knew she was the one to put that heartbreak there. She was the reason for that pain. 

    Nothing had ever felt quite as horrible as that.

    Bette had said “happier” as if she could ever be happier than with her. It was never that. God, is that what she thought? Had she really been that bad at explaining her feelings throughout this mess? Yes, and the truth was, she knew it. She fucking knew it.  

    Tina wanted to scream, to cry. She wanted to run and shake Bette by the shoulders until she understood that her decisions, as confusing as they seemed, had little to do with her. God, going (running) away to Toronto wasn’t about being happy or unhappy, less of all being “happier than.” She just… didn’t want to be herself anymore. Even if it was for a little while, she wanted to be someone else, live another life. She just felt so…stuck. Uncomfortable in her own skin. 

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    Comments

    1. I must say that your writing of Tina is what I perceived her thoughts and demeanor would be in being at Bette’s home with Carrie with her. The confusion of Tina in her mind seeing Bette and wondering how she got to this place at this time engaged to Carrie but missing Bette. The real grief that Bette is experiencing from the loss of Tina and not really knowing why. All the result of actions taken by Tina which obviously no one understands including Tina. I hope you really explore Tina’s process to get from happy with Bette to engaged to Carrie… its been the real mystery of Gen Q. I for one appreciate an attempt to rationalize how this could have happened. Thank you.

      Thank you for this chapter…. look forward to more.

      • Oh, thank you so much! I’m so happy that what I wrote resonates with how you perceived Tina’s thoughts and demeanour. I think we all have been wondering about some of the choices in Gen Q, because it felt so…confusing after the ending of TLW. And really, I appreciate your comment a lot, not only taking the time to write it but for sharing your thoughts!.

        Thank you for your lovely comment and I really hope you enjoy the next chapter too.

    2. Hey Sof,

      You have me in tears, right from the first chapter and followed up with this one.

      What is it what Tina is running from, what is it that decided to run and divorce Bette and leaving her and her daughter and ending up with Carrie? GQ really did a bad job but let’s be honest that whole show made no sense at all.

      I love the way you write Bette’s and Tina’s thoughts and as far for the end of the chapter, let Tina step up, break things of with Carrie. She doesn’t deserve this, make a clean break.

      Looking forward to read a new chapter!

      • Hi Bibi!

        Thanks so much for your lovely comment. I’m really glad you’re enjoying the story! I’m hoping to explore Tina’s motives and thoughts a bit more in the next chapter. I’ve been re-watching the OG TLW and I keep thinking they’ve grown up so much, I don’t see how the characters could have made some of the choices they made in GQ.

        Thanks again for your kind words, it really makes my day to know that you like my writing. As for the end of the chapter, don’t worry :)

        I hope you enjoy the next chapter! I hope to have it up by the end of this week at the very least.

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