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    I die for you, love, from you

    “No es que muera de amor, muero de ti.

    Muero de ti, amor, de amor de ti,

    de urgencia mía de mi piel de ti,

    de mi alma, de ti y de mi boca

    y del insoportable que yo soy sin ti.”

    – Jaime Sabines




    Tina was overwhelmed. She wanted to drop to her knees and beg Bette to forgive her. Beg her to hate her, to love her, to keep her, to scream at her. She didn’t know exactly what she wanted, but she wanted something, anything.




    “Can I…” Bette hesitated, and Tina felt her heart tremble. She was paralyzed by the fear that Bette would somehow regret this, whatever this was.


    She was afraid Bette would regret her.


    “Yes?” Tina asked slowly, watching Bette take a deep breath in and out.


    In and out. In and out. In and out. 


    “Can I kiss you?” Tina’s eyes widened. She had to have heard wrong. She had to. So she asked her if she was sure. She wouldn’t survive if Bette kissed her and then regretted it.


    But Bette wanted to know. And god, how could Tina ever deny her that?


    How could Tina ever deny her anything at all?


    So they stood before each other, their eyes locked in silent conversation; their eyes whispering what their mouths couldn’t. She saw Bette hesitate, her heart racing as she reached out a trembling hand to touch Tina’s cheek. She leaned into the touch, closed her eyes, and let out a shaky breath.


    Being around her ex-wife was as intoxicating as ever; she wanted to burn the memory of that moment into her eyelids so she could see it every time she closed her eyes.


    Their lips met in a tentative kiss, soft and hesitant, as if trying to remember what it felt like to be close; as if trying to see if the broken pieces of themselves still fit together. But as the seconds ticked by, fear was replaced by longing and familiarity, and their worries melted away at the taste of home.


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    1. Okay, so where are we? Bette is completely confused as to what to do next. And who can blame her. Tina walks in and says its over with Carrie and she wants Bette back but there is no real path forward on how to make this happen. Bette seems to have more fear of the situation than hope about the possibilities. That is understandable. And although Alice and Shane are trying to be supportive, they have no real suggestions either. My recommendation would be for Bette to go away for a couple of days to spend some time alone perhaps in the mountains. Do some hiking, some swimming something to just breathe the air and feel the sunshine. She needs to meditate on her own well being and something may occur to her as to what her path forward should be. Maybe take Angie with her… it won’t be long before private time with Angie will no longer be available.

      Thanks for the chapter… I feels so badly for Bette… give us more when you can.

    2. Hey Sof,

      Sad to hear you were that sick last week, i hope you will recover fully soon!

      It’s a mess, i totally understand Bette being confused, fearful. She let Tina go and now Tina is back, wanting her back. Bette is so in love with Tina but Tina left her three times and she let her go, let her go so she could move on. What to do?
      I agree with Martha, let Bette go away for a few days and maybe take Angie with her.
      Love the interaction with Alice, Shane and Bette. We saw that hardly in GQ.

      Take care of yourself!

    3. Hey Sof. Sorry to hear you’ve been sick. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

      Seems to me Bette is having a mental breakdown and everyone including Tina, Alice, and Shane are oblivious to it. She needs REAL time (like months or a year) and REAL space away from Tina. She needs therapy to get her emotional health and well-being as well her as self-esteem and worth to a place where Tina does not control her very existence. Bette needs to be able to stand strong on her own and stop this vicious dysfunctional cycle of being broken every few years when Tina decides to leave for whatever reason, play her games, mess up someone else’s life then run back to Bette to get her hopes up just to do it again. Tina needs to get MAJOR help and Bette needs to stop indulging her insanity.

      What Tina is doing is emotional abusive, but until someone calls her on it, she will continue to hurt and destroy Bette, and eventually Angie will suffer too. Let’s see her actual work that she’s doing and let everyone stop forcing Bette to always be the one to take the blame and think she’s the problem and not good enough and deserves to be treated in this way.

      What is Tina doing now to get better at loving and committing and to stop breaking hearts and running away? Who is her support system? I think that is why she is always spiraling because she doesn’t have any friends or family to ground her and she doesn’t ever take time to face her issues, and work on herself. I said it in an earlier chapter. She needs to leave Bette alone until she deserves her and has learned how to love her!

    4. I hope you haven’t given up with this story. We need to find out what’s going on with Bette and Tina. Will they get together or will Bette let her go. Please send new chapters soon. Thanks and Happy Writing.

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