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    I die for you, love, from you


    But despite Bette’s best efforts, Tina had left her three times, and it surprised her (as much as it delighted and saddened her) that her ex-wife hadn’t told her to fuck off yet. It was a fact that weighed heavily on Tina’s heart, and she couldn’t help but wonder if some part of the brunette would always be waiting for her to come back.


    Bette believed in their love the way a child believes in miracles: by clinging to the assumption that the magic is real, even when the world tells them otherwise. And despite the disappointment that came with each of Tina’s departures, Bette kept on believing. She held on to the hope that they could make it work, that their love was worth fighting for. And it was.


    Their love would always be worth fighting for.


    Maybe that was what had been so hard for her to understand. Bette loved her in an inexplicable way: with her head, like a woman, and with her heart, like a child.


    She loved her as a grown woman; she weighed the pros and cons, meditated on her words, and cared for her. She took careful steps and was a steady presence through life’s obstacles. She was her rock and her greatest supporter.


    But she also loved her like a child: selfishly but purely. All emotional and ready to give up everything for her. Demanding her sole attention and looking at her with those eyes that looked at her as if she could do no wrong, as if she was bringing back magic with every step she took, with every breath she took.


    Words could never describe how much she adored the passion in Bette’s heart. 


    They talked for a few more minutes before she finally allowed herself to leave, leaving Bette to her thoughts and giving herself a few moments to grieve for the years they could have had together if different choices had been made.



    Two days after her conversation with Tina, she sat on a barstool, hunched over her drink as Alice and Shane gathered around her. The dim light from the bar flickered on her face, casting shadows that only served to accentuate the disbelief, pain, and hope etched into it.


    1. Okay, so where are we? Bette is completely confused as to what to do next. And who can blame her. Tina walks in and says its over with Carrie and she wants Bette back but there is no real path forward on how to make this happen. Bette seems to have more fear of the situation than hope about the possibilities. That is understandable. And although Alice and Shane are trying to be supportive, they have no real suggestions either. My recommendation would be for Bette to go away for a couple of days to spend some time alone perhaps in the mountains. Do some hiking, some swimming something to just breathe the air and feel the sunshine. She needs to meditate on her own well being and something may occur to her as to what her path forward should be. Maybe take Angie with her… it won’t be long before private time with Angie will no longer be available.

      Thanks for the chapter… I feels so badly for Bette… give us more when you can.

    2. Hey Sof,

      Sad to hear you were that sick last week, i hope you will recover fully soon!

      It’s a mess, i totally understand Bette being confused, fearful. She let Tina go and now Tina is back, wanting her back. Bette is so in love with Tina but Tina left her three times and she let her go, let her go so she could move on. What to do?
      I agree with Martha, let Bette go away for a few days and maybe take Angie with her.
      Love the interaction with Alice, Shane and Bette. We saw that hardly in GQ.

      Take care of yourself!

    3. Hey Sof. Sorry to hear you’ve been sick. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

      Seems to me Bette is having a mental breakdown and everyone including Tina, Alice, and Shane are oblivious to it. She needs REAL time (like months or a year) and REAL space away from Tina. She needs therapy to get her emotional health and well-being as well her as self-esteem and worth to a place where Tina does not control her very existence. Bette needs to be able to stand strong on her own and stop this vicious dysfunctional cycle of being broken every few years when Tina decides to leave for whatever reason, play her games, mess up someone else’s life then run back to Bette to get her hopes up just to do it again. Tina needs to get MAJOR help and Bette needs to stop indulging her insanity.

      What Tina is doing is emotional abusive, but until someone calls her on it, she will continue to hurt and destroy Bette, and eventually Angie will suffer too. Let’s see her actual work that she’s doing and let everyone stop forcing Bette to always be the one to take the blame and think she’s the problem and not good enough and deserves to be treated in this way.

      What is Tina doing now to get better at loving and committing and to stop breaking hearts and running away? Who is her support system? I think that is why she is always spiraling because she doesn’t have any friends or family to ground her and she doesn’t ever take time to face her issues, and work on herself. I said it in an earlier chapter. She needs to leave Bette alone until she deserves her and has learned how to love her!

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