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    I die for you, love, from you


    She felt a pang of anger simmering inside her at that, ”it’s also one of the reasons she left me.”


    “It’s also the reason she came back,” Alice countered.


    Bette knew her friend had a point, but she couldn’t just decide everything at that moment, ”Maybe. God, I don’t know. I just need time to process. Can I have that?”


    Shane looked at her with understanding in her eyes, ”of course you can.” At the same time, Alice smiled cheekily, ”Of course! For now.”


    ”Alice.” Shane groaned.


    ”What? She needs us to get her out of her funk!” Alice quipped, and Bette couldn’t help but smile at her.


    ”Maybe I do,” she admitted. They and Angie were the only reason she was still standing.


    ”See?!” There was so much smugness in the blonde’s voice that she and Shane couldn’t help but laugh.


    ”You’re a character, Alice,” she squeezed her friend’s hand affectionately.


    ”But you love me,” came the answer. And both Shane and she couldn’t help but agree.


    They changed the subject for a while, talking about Shane’s plans for the bar and Alice’s show, before the blonde asked a question that was secretly eating away at her, ”What are you going to tell Angie?”


    God, she didn’t know.


    ”Did Tina tell her about Carrie?” the blonde asked. It was a legitimate concern.


    ”I don’t know,” she wondered. She didn’t know how to bring it up, the name of her ex-wife’s ex-fiancé still tasted bitter on her tongue.


    ”Is she going to?” Alice pressed.


    ”I don’t know, Alice! I don’t know,” she became frustrated again. God, she just wanted to wake up and suddenly have this whole mess fixed.


    ”Maybe you should ask her,” her friend said quietly, and Bette sighed.


    ”I should; I’m just… not ready to talk to her yet. I don’t want to say something I’ll regret,” she was afraid that her emotions would get the better of her, that she would revert to her more impulsive side.


    ”Maybe that’s your problem,” Alice offered, and Bette looked at her in confusion. ”What?”


    ”For the last few years, you’ve been thinking so much about what to say that you forget to say it. You forget to feel it,” the blonde seemed so sure of what she was saying that it made her think for a second.


    ”I don’t…think so.” Did she? She had always been the impulsive one; had she really changed that much?


    ”Yes, your walls have always been higher, but now… you’re stuck inside, inside your feelings, you don’t let anything go out. Tina is the opposite. She doesn’t have any walls, she says everything”. Maybe her friend was right.


    ”Maybe,” she admitted.


    ”Maybe?” Alice echoed.


    ”Yeah, I don’t know. God, I just…” Bette stumbled over her words.


    ”You just?”


    ”I love her so much,” she admitted.


    ”We know,” Alice’s voice was so deadpan that she couldn’t help but laugh.


    ”God, I feel pathetic,” she groaned, throwing her head back.


    ”You are a little,” the TV host teased.


    ”Alice!” her voice was exasperated. Sometimes she couldn’t believe the woman’s gall.


    ”You are! But it’s nice. I miss that kind of love, you know? You are lucky,” the blonde’s eyes held so much nostalgia that it broke something inside her.


    ”Am I?” she asked quietly, and Alice looked at her. ”You are.”


    ”Shane?” Bette turned to her dark-haired friend.


    ”You are. that kind of love…It’s not easy to find. It’s even harder to keep. I would know.” Her youngest friend’s face was suddenly filled with a longing, a sadness that made her chest tighten. Her deepest wish was that her friend would find the love she deserved, no matter what form it took.


    God, they were all such a fucking mess.


    ”Oh, Shane.” The hand that wasn’t holding Alice’s moved to Shane’s shoulder and gently squeezed it.


    ”It’s okay, I… It’s okay,” the bar owner let out a shaky sigh.


    ”Are we going to be okay?” She smiled sadly and looked at her two friends. Her family.


    ”I hope so. I’m sure we will,” Shane replied quietly, and Alice nodded.


    They would be alright.




    1. Okay, so where are we? Bette is completely confused as to what to do next. And who can blame her. Tina walks in and says its over with Carrie and she wants Bette back but there is no real path forward on how to make this happen. Bette seems to have more fear of the situation than hope about the possibilities. That is understandable. And although Alice and Shane are trying to be supportive, they have no real suggestions either. My recommendation would be for Bette to go away for a couple of days to spend some time alone perhaps in the mountains. Do some hiking, some swimming something to just breathe the air and feel the sunshine. She needs to meditate on her own well being and something may occur to her as to what her path forward should be. Maybe take Angie with her… it won’t be long before private time with Angie will no longer be available.

      Thanks for the chapter… I feels so badly for Bette… give us more when you can.

    2. Hey Sof,

      Sad to hear you were that sick last week, i hope you will recover fully soon!

      It’s a mess, i totally understand Bette being confused, fearful. She let Tina go and now Tina is back, wanting her back. Bette is so in love with Tina but Tina left her three times and she let her go, let her go so she could move on. What to do?
      I agree with Martha, let Bette go away for a few days and maybe take Angie with her.
      Love the interaction with Alice, Shane and Bette. We saw that hardly in GQ.

      Take care of yourself!

    3. Hey Sof. Sorry to hear you’ve been sick. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

      Seems to me Bette is having a mental breakdown and everyone including Tina, Alice, and Shane are oblivious to it. She needs REAL time (like months or a year) and REAL space away from Tina. She needs therapy to get her emotional health and well-being as well her as self-esteem and worth to a place where Tina does not control her very existence. Bette needs to be able to stand strong on her own and stop this vicious dysfunctional cycle of being broken every few years when Tina decides to leave for whatever reason, play her games, mess up someone else’s life then run back to Bette to get her hopes up just to do it again. Tina needs to get MAJOR help and Bette needs to stop indulging her insanity.

      What Tina is doing is emotional abusive, but until someone calls her on it, she will continue to hurt and destroy Bette, and eventually Angie will suffer too. Let’s see her actual work that she’s doing and let everyone stop forcing Bette to always be the one to take the blame and think she’s the problem and not good enough and deserves to be treated in this way.

      What is Tina doing now to get better at loving and committing and to stop breaking hearts and running away? Who is her support system? I think that is why she is always spiraling because she doesn’t have any friends or family to ground her and she doesn’t ever take time to face her issues, and work on herself. I said it in an earlier chapter. She needs to leave Bette alone until she deserves her and has learned how to love her!

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