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In your thoughts
“Mi táctica es quedarme en tu recuerdo, no sé cómo ni sé con qué pretexto, pero quedarme en vos.” – Mario Benedetti.
Absent-mindedly, she opened the door, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Tina. All the air left her lungs. She looked phenomenal. As exquisite as ever. Somehow, her ex-wife seemed younger than the last time she saw her. More alive. There was a determination in her eyes that made her pulse race. Why was she here? Didn’t she understand that she needed time? She wanted to be happy for her, she was trying, but it had to be done in small steps. In small doses, otherwise, she would die.
“Tina, I…what are you doing here? Angie’s not home,” her voice was soft, but her lips trembled. At times like that, she hated the power that Tina still had over her. The power she would always, always have.
“I know,” Tina said softly. Her eyes begged her for something she couldn’t decipher. “Can I come in?”
She was stunned. It’s not that it was that rare for her to see Tina, but at least since the divorce, she rarely saw her alone, and it was usually with Angie between them. Since Carrie, though, well, since Carrie, she avoided her ex-wife as much as she could.
“Can I come in?” Tina softly repeated. How could Bette ever deny her anything when she asked so sweetly?
“I…Yes, of course,” she turned her body, leaving enough space for Tina to come through. When she did, Bette got a whiff of her perfume and felt all the feelings she had been suppressing rush to her face, her eyes filling with tears she refused to let go. “Do you want something to drink?” God, what a clumsy question. Tina hadn’t even crossed the entrance, “Tea? Whiskey?”. “My beating heart?” She thought sadly.
“A tea would be nice, thank you.” Tina looked at her with an expression she hadn’t seen in years. She looked at her with adoration. With love. It made her heart tremble inside her chest, not knowing if it should beat louder or stop beating at all.
“Coming right up,” she tried to keep her voice light but knew she was failing miserably. She started to make her way into the kitchen before stopping and turning to face Tina, “uhm, you can wait in the living room or outside if you want. It’s a nice day out.” She pleaded internally that Tina accepted her offer. She desperately needed some minutes to gather herself.
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Wow, this chapter gives me a lot to think about. Tina has conveyed to Bette that she wants her back now that she has broken up with Carrie. Bette has said that she is still in love with Tina but is scared of trying to make a relationship with Tina might bring. It is obvious to me that Bette has been all but destroyed by Tina leaving her. And this conversation was truly one in which both of them were walking on egg shells and afraid of true and honest expression because they might hurt the other and this glimmer of hope could suddenly vanish. This is going to be a very long journey to get back together.
As to changes in Bette that Tina sees and Bette believes has happened? I am anxious to see what that is? This is going to be a journey of Bette learning to trust Tina and how to truly communicate with each other. And a lot of that will depend upon their history together and how much of that history they can forgive and set aside to build a future.
Thanks for the chapter…
PS…. this chapter makes much more sense than Tina just asking out of the blue “Do you still love me?”
Hey Martha! gosh, thank you so much. I’m glad that the chapter makes sense. It always felt so weird, the whole “do you still love me?” bit. This indeed is going to be a very long journey for them. But the most important thing is that they want to do the journey together. So there’s hope for them!
Thank you so so much for your lovely comments. As always, I enjoy tremendously reading your thoughts, so thank you for taking the time to write them.
Hugs to you!
A truly wonderful chapter. It’s heartbreaking to see Bette so wounded, so conflicted, so insecure but still so wholeheartedly in love with Tina.
They need the time and not rush into anything, Tina said she would wait for Bette, she knows she broke Bette’s heart and thanks to Bette that she broke her soul.
It’s cute to see how they interact with each other, sometimes so shy.
Looking forward to read the next chapter!
Hey Bibi! Thank you so so much! Your comments always make my day. I’m glad you liked the chapter. They are so so in love, but they have hurt each other so much too. The most important part, I think, is that they want to put in the work, that’s half the fight. And I agree, they are so cute when they are so shy.
Thank you again for your lovely comment!!