Fan Fiction
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In your thoughts
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Her ex-wife looked at her like she could read her soul, and Bette feared that maybe she could. “It’s okay. I rather wait in the kitchen with you.”
With you, she said. With her? Bette felt every cell of her body fill with anxious energy. She didn’t understand what was happening. Her last few interactions with Tina had been tense, bordering on passive-aggressive. So, she felt wholly unprepared for whatever was happening inside her ex-wife’s mind.
“Okay…” She said hesitantly. Slowly, she started to make the process of making two cups of tea. It felt like an eternal task. Sweat was forming on the back of her neck. She could feel Tina’s eyes on her back, making her hands tremble, causing the whole thing to take much longer than necessary.
She tried to keep as calm as she could. She took a breath. Counted to 10. Nothing was working, and not knowing what was happening was eating away at her. She was trying very hard to keep herself from snapping. She had been working on her temper for so long, but it was still hard, especially when she felt so out of control as she did now.
The air felt unbearable. Thick with emotions she couldn’t identify.
A few minutes passed in complete silence, and then, the tea was ready.
“Here you go,” she passed one cup to Tina with trembling fingers, cradling the other against her chest. She wasn’t even sure she could drink anything.
They sat on the kitchen stools for a few seconds, just looking at each other.
“So, uhm…” Bette began slowly. She flexed her arms a bit, trying to release some of the tension in her body, and was flabbergasted at what she saw in Tina’s eyes: desire. When was the last time that particular look was directed at her?
“Why am I here?” Tina finished with a slight smile on her lips. “Her beautiful, gorgeous lips,” Bette thought before reprimanding herself.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I…” She hesitated, “I don’t want to make it seem like I don’t want you here. It’s just…” It was just what? She didn’t even know what she wanted to say. Bette only knew that she was confused.
“I understand, and I am not…” Tina gulped, “I am not trying to make you uncomfortable. I just…” Bette realized with dazed comprehension why this exchange felt so surreal. It had been so long since she saw this side of Tina. While she would always love Tina for everything she was and all that she wasn’t, in the last few years, there was a sweetness in her that slowly disappeared. She became harder, less soft. Quicker to anger. And Bette would never expect her to not change at all, but this Tina, she hadn’t seen this Tina in what felt like so long. Not directed at her, at least.
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Wow, this chapter gives me a lot to think about. Tina has conveyed to Bette that she wants her back now that she has broken up with Carrie. Bette has said that she is still in love with Tina but is scared of trying to make a relationship with Tina might bring. It is obvious to me that Bette has been all but destroyed by Tina leaving her. And this conversation was truly one in which both of them were walking on egg shells and afraid of true and honest expression because they might hurt the other and this glimmer of hope could suddenly vanish. This is going to be a very long journey to get back together.
As to changes in Bette that Tina sees and Bette believes has happened? I am anxious to see what that is? This is going to be a journey of Bette learning to trust Tina and how to truly communicate with each other. And a lot of that will depend upon their history together and how much of that history they can forgive and set aside to build a future.
Thanks for the chapter…
PS…. this chapter makes much more sense than Tina just asking out of the blue “Do you still love me?”
Hey Martha! gosh, thank you so much. I’m glad that the chapter makes sense. It always felt so weird, the whole “do you still love me?” bit. This indeed is going to be a very long journey for them. But the most important thing is that they want to do the journey together. So there’s hope for them!
Thank you so so much for your lovely comments. As always, I enjoy tremendously reading your thoughts, so thank you for taking the time to write them.
Hugs to you!
A truly wonderful chapter. It’s heartbreaking to see Bette so wounded, so conflicted, so insecure but still so wholeheartedly in love with Tina.
They need the time and not rush into anything, Tina said she would wait for Bette, she knows she broke Bette’s heart and thanks to Bette that she broke her soul.
It’s cute to see how they interact with each other, sometimes so shy.
Looking forward to read the next chapter!
Hey Bibi! Thank you so so much! Your comments always make my day. I’m glad you liked the chapter. They are so so in love, but they have hurt each other so much too. The most important part, I think, is that they want to put in the work, that’s half the fight. And I agree, they are so cute when they are so shy.
Thank you again for your lovely comment!!
Hugs.