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April 30, 2016 at 6:21 am #93376
While exchanging PMs with someone in this site, I told her I was recently crushing on a butch, but since I’d never gone out with one before, I found I was uncharacteristically nervous during the very scarce and few times we were near each other (the stud and I go to the same gym), and it looked like she was going to ask me out for an after work-out juice drink or something. Needless to say, I don’t like losing my cool, and (ahem) I never do … 😉 Especially since she’s hot. [Going with honesty here, I think I’m nervous because she’s different from others I’ve gone out with.]
This totally not-PC? It is, right?
Do you have a stud or butch? What’s your story? Do PM me or respond to this crazy post. Thanks!
May 8, 2016 at 1:43 pm #93391
I do not know what happened, I wrote a message to this last night and it vanished utterly.
To briefly repeat its main points:
I have learned a good deal about butches in the last three years, since I said something negative about them on the old website. For one thing, butches cover a whole spectrum, I am not even sure they can be put in as few as 99 categories. Dana was probably not butch, and even Shane was not really butch (her armpits were always perfectly smooth), Alice may have been more butch than Max sometimes, etc.
Assume nothing whatever about your latest crush, not even assume that she is butch. Just because she is athletic and into good body condition does not necessarily make her butch … and if she’s a butch then she’s still not necessarily like some other butch you’ve seen.
Just start slow, as you would in any dating situation, and don’t assume that she’s gonna hold the door open for you, or anything. You will discover bit by bit what sort of person she is, what she likes, what she likes you to do to her, what she like to do to you, and so forth. That discovery can be fun. Good luck.
May 9, 2016 at 9:18 pm #93401
Am not familiar with the rules regarding this topic, and I don’t mean to cross any lines, but am pretty sure my crush is a stone-cold stud.
This is all moot and academic anyway, because sadly, I think she’s involved with someone. She and I have finally exchanged more than “hi’s” and “hello’s”, and had a few good conversations while stretching after our workouts, and we seemed to have had similar schedules lately, thus have worked out side by side a few times. Some of our conversations have been interrupted a couple of times by calls, and from her smiles and whispers into the phone, it sounded like there was someone who’s more than a friend on the other end.
This doesn’t stop her from being an inveterate flirt, which kills me. But I can handle it (barely). Now that I can sense she’s not available, even that last thing she did (she crept up behind me and poked me on my sides, not realizing I’m ticklish, and we caused a bit of a scene…) did not cause me to get flustered. Immediate payback, in fact: Snapped a towel on her tush when she turned her back on me. Not hard, just a little snap. Besides, she’s basically made of rock and stone, so she hardly felt that. We’ve declared a truce. And I am avoiding the changing rooms and showers when I know she’s around. Til I can sort out how she and I can just be friends; maybe her flirting is unintentional.
May 10, 2016 at 1:17 pm #93404
Let me say, I love butches…all of them, from one end of the spectrum to the other. They make me melt into a puddle anytime I interact with them. They have a unique style of being a woman that those of us in the middle to the ultra feminine lesbians differ in so many ways. Personally, I find the differences and contrasts exhilarating.
If she’s with someone, you’re probably out of luck because every single butch I’ve known, has been one of the most loyal of the bunch. Not to say there aren’t “players” but for the most part, once they commit, they’re in it for the long haul.
By the way, I agree in part with what Pearlie says. But for me a butch is more than her outward appearance, it can also be her “inner butch” personality. So in some regards, you might consider someone like Helena from TLW as having an inner butch with a femme appearance. I guess Bette, too.
But I’m a shallow person, I’ll admit. I like the tough outward appearance, muscles, a smoldering stare, the cocky walk, the confidence, etc. all wrapped up in cuteness and hotness.
Good luck with your crush…I get them all the time, and they can be fun and distracting, but also murder on the heart if you’re not careful!
May 11, 2016 at 11:18 pm #93417
Congratulations on the book! But did it hafta be a scare-the-wits-out-of-em story?! 😁 heartiest, hugest, bestest (sorry) wishes, anyway, on the book. Awesome!
Now about my crush …she’s what I’d think of as a tomboy-type, not aggressively masculine, but masculine enough. I would have to split with you about the confidence trait, and the stare and general self-confidence — I think feminininity has as much a claim on all that, especially since we’re arguing for equal pay an eon after winning the right to vote, as masculinity does. I like confidence and believe that, given half a chance, with focus, or if one puts her/his mind to it, we can all dazzle in our own way. — so that’s not what is making my heart beat a teensy bit faster when next to or talking to her (yeah, despite knowing her status, and, to be honest, despite my own status, which is a whole other story, am still in that sad state of affairs). I’m trying to find something about her that will end this crazy feeling (she is perfect, a perfect human specimen: skin, hair, eyes, smell, muscle-tone, clothes… I’m babbling) and when I get out from under this crushing weight of work I will focus like a laser on exactly that.
Don’t hold your breath, though. ❤️✂️
May 11, 2016 at 12:35 pm #93408
Sorry for the ignorance but what studs mean regarding the topic? is it a different butch?
May 11, 2016 at 11:28 pm #93418
I think I confused the hell out of everyone. Sorry bla2014! I refer to stud in her case as someone who is more on the masculine side than feminine, yes — like a grown-up tomboy — although not overtly acting like a man. But immensely, super attractive, so definitely a class above the butches I see.
May 12, 2016 at 3:37 am #93420
It’ ok, because of you we (me and my gf) knows there’s) something like studs.
im still confused about the difference and how can you tell.
May 11, 2016 at 2:00 pm #93409
Studs, I assume, means to dress and act very masculine – not Fred Astair masculine but Hells Angels motorcycle gang hoodlum masculine. Muscular, bulky, rough, and perhaps aggressive. Presumably a stud butch can and will do everything a man would do, except get you pregnant (and some of them won’t even admit to that last exception).
The word, I assume, comes from the metallic doodads on the leather motorcycle jackets (not from horsebreeding – wherein stud was originally a stable of mares available for mating), as in the old novel, Studs Lonigan, about an amoral lout of the 1930s.
There was a time, not terribly long ago, when the vast majority of straights would, if they heard the word Lesbian, visualize a stud, especially one who was behaving like the worst sort of male (e.g., combative drunken wife-beater).
May 11, 2016 at 2:08 pm #93410
Now im confused, what’s the difference between a stud and a butch?
so much ignorance :(
May 11, 2016 at 2:09 pm #93411
Studs are a subdivision of butches.
May 11, 2016 at 2:13 pm #93412
its like a mega butch?
May 11, 2016 at 2:39 pm #93413
Having only seen a very studs and at a distance, I am out of my depth on this.
Butches, and especially Studs, are invited to take part in this thread.
May 11, 2016 at 2:50 pm #93414
Well I don’t know what i can or can’t ask because im pretty new in this.
but i must admit (not proud of it) before i had a gf or fell for a women i had the butch image in my head when i thought of a lesbian
May 11, 2016 at 8:03 pm #93415
You are not alone, and maybe not here (I am in USA) but in other countries (like my native country); butches are harassed, ostracized, stereotyped and discriminated in many educative and working activities. In those cultures some of them have to choose a false appearance (sometimes, when young, they prefer to look like a nerd) to survive; most the times the feminine lesbian fits better in those societies just because the resemblance with a straight girl.
I’m no talking for all of them but I agree that many butches are pretty faithful once they find their partner; some times, besides the obvious feeling and sexual attraction it is because you feel accepted beyond any label and prejudice (p.e.)
If you are interested here, some web pages about this topic:
An on-line test to know which type of lesbian you are:
May 11, 2016 at 8:29 pm #93416
I took the test in that last link and was told that I was a Femme. It never asked my age. If it had I would have been categorized, maybe, as a Fossil Femme.
Distinguishing studs from other butches requires more depth of knowledge than I possess.
I would not be surprised if Studs are the sort of butches that other butches address as “Sir”.
May 12, 2016 at 3:40 am #93421
May 12, 2016 at 7:52 am #93422
You can’t change what you are, but you may hide it, if it is about socially survive, it is traumatic especially when you are young. An old lesbian (now dead) told me, when I was in college, than in some Latino countries is socially accepted to see women walking holding hands or even walking cuddled or sit in each other laps and dance together, well, that helped to ‘hide’; however in the worst case scenario, there was (and there is) always a “closet”
May 12, 2016 at 9:14 am #93423
The “sir” bit I think I saw in a movie long ago, so maybe it’s not realistic.
As for the closet, there was a time, 50 years ago when I was young and worth looking at, when almost all lesbians would hide so deep in the closet that they could visit Narnia. The exceptions were the butches, especially the ones approaching stud on the spectrum; they were just so outre that there was no protective coloration possible and they didn’t try to hide. Being visible, they also became, for straights, the stereotypic image of the dreaded Lesbian.
There was also a time, long ago, when Lesbian relationships tended to imitate hetero coupling – i.e., one feminine, one masculine. So butches paired up with femmes. (In the play and movie “The Killing of Sister George”, the pattern is older – by 20 yr – Les fills the role of butch without showing any particularly masculine characteristics.) I was too young at that time to find out if this was a universal pattern, but it was common if not the vast majority. As Gay Liberation came these stereotypes – and the stereotypic couplings – sort of faded.
Unrelated to the butch-femme business, but back in the bad old days (and still today), a lot of alcoholism among lesbians (and, also gay men, for similar reason). Because the police, and others, were all so worried about their children being seduced, the LGBs all gathered in bars … because positively absolutely children were not allowed there. If there had been a law that children could not enter flower shops, the LGBs would have met there instead and history would be a LOT different. Anyway with bars their only steady meeting place – and plenty of the LGBs already under a lot of stress – lots and lots of alcoholism. Alcohol led to foolish or careless behavior, some of it not involving sex, so even more trouble in their lives, a vicious cycle. I don’t think anybody would argue with me about that.
May 12, 2016 at 7:13 pm #93425
There was a long long period in the history of lesbianism when the femmes and near-femmes were camouflaged, and it was only the butches out there to represent us, to absorb the abuse, and most of all to fight for our rights. So, yes, the butches came to be the stereotypes of the het set, becauses the rest of us found it so comfortable hiding in the closet. This generation of butches may not know or appreciate it, but they follow in the footsteps – I might even say in the bootprints – of the women who carried the banner for all of us in previous generations.
May 15, 2016 at 1:05 pm #93435
Gee, you’d think I cleared the room with my comment.
I had hoped that someone would add more to this thread.
There was a time, practically antiquity compared to now, when it was the custom or the assumption that a butch would pair up with a femme, and that a femme would naturally pair up with a butch. It was because, even in the gay world, we were so brainwashed that we simply fell into the hetero-normative pattern of Ozzie & Harriet pairings. This, of course, also would have required that the number of butches in the world pretty much equal the number of femmes – not just theoretically, not just in some absolute way, but in the practical showing-up-in-girl-bar way (which seemed not to happen, leading to much drama).
Nowadays we see femmes with femmes, butches with butches, all sorts of permutations. I am curious as how some of these combinations work out but I realize that other peoples’ boudiour athletics is Not My Business.
I will point out that the butches you see today, however young they may be, probably began enduring their share of anti-LGBT discrimination and abuse earlier than the femmes amongst us who blended in much longer before coming out. Respect them for that.
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