Doors locked.  The stereo is blasting.

"Yesterday i lost my closest friend.

Yesterday i wanted time to end.

I wonder if my heart will ever mend.

I just let you slip away.  4 am forever."

I don’t quite remember when the memories started to replay, but just like always they do…  They were screaming now.

Pushing down relinguishing the familiar sensation as it sunk deeper.  I cried out not in pain, but in relief. 

The voices in my head grew quiet, until they were still.  The only thing spinning now was the room.

"Maybe i’ll never see you smile again.

Maybe you thought that it was all pretend.

All these words that i could never send.

I just let them slip away.  4 am forever.

His hands all over her body, his eye on her.  I couldn’t look.  Her moans, her lies, her broken promises, him all over her.

Him feeling my girl, touching my girl, kissing my girl.  The memories were flooding now.  Everytime i closed my eyes i could still see them.  I gripped harder onto the edge of my sink to keep from falling over.  The tears mixed with the

blood flowing steadily down my hand.  It washed down the sink, leaving a bitter empty feeling.  My demons were crawling out now.  The cut just wasn’t enough today. 

"Why don’t you hear me when i’m calling out to you?

Why don’t you listen when i’m trying to make it through?

Goodbye goodbye goodbye you never kenw

hold a little tighter

4 am forever"

I can remember when i called her a few days ago.  She didn’t pick up.  But everyday in school i would hear her voice.  She sounded happy.  I guess she never really needed me.  Or at least never like i needed her.  I thought maybe for once i should learn to stand on my own two feet, but it always ends up that i find some sort of new self destruction.  Pushing past the thought i grabbed the bottle of Vodka and tipped it back.  It burned, but i liked it.  Maybe this is my fault for never telling her the whole truth.  But she wouldn’t understand.  I didn’t want to have the bare the fact that she wouldn’t even be my friend.  So i never said i word.  Now she’s gone anyways…