Nobody moved a muscle. Even the air I was breathing felt tense. What the hell did I just interrupt? Ashley just seemed to nervously chuckle. Kyla, well Kyla looked like she for saw a lot of upcoming drama. This couldn’t be good. Great.

“Nothing Spence,” Ashley lied.

“Don’t lie to me Ash,” I begged. Did I really want to know the answer anyways?

“Spencer…” Kyla began.

“What Kyla? What?” My frustration was growing. I can’t stand anymore drama. I don’t even want to fucken talk about my stupid feelings anymore. They’re driving me crazy.

“Spencer, babe maybe we should talk,” Ashley sighed patting the seat next to her. Cautiously I crept towards the seat watching for any sudden movements.

“What’s up Ash?” I tried to sound casual, but I know it failed. It failed miserably.

“Spencer after your…incident.” God anything but this. “We never ah, never discussed, we never really talked much, never maybe, kinda,” Ashley rambled. I tried to make sense of her words, but I knew deep down I probably wouldn’t want to.

“Please Ash,” I pleaded with her. “Lets not talk about it.”

“We have to sooner or later Spence.” Not if I can avoid it.

“Spencer, Ashley and I think maybe,” Kyla stated. “We think maybe when we get back to LA you should talk to someone.”

“Like a fucken shrink?” I asked confused. “You’re joking right?”

“Spence,” Ashley stated grabbing both of my hands. “You need help baby.”

“No, no Ash I just need you.”

“Spencer you tried to fucken kill yourself,” Ashley replied. “I can’t just watch you hurt yourself and do nothing about it.”

“You had no problem doing it before,” I replied regretting how cold it sounded as soon as it left my lips. I could tell it hurt her, but she wasn’t going to back down.

“I know you’re still doing it Spencer,” she stated completely disregarding the comment. “When I picked you up on fifth street, it had bled through your fucking shirt.”

“You can’t make me do it Ash,” I replied simply. “You’re not my parents.”

“No Spencer I’m sure as hell not you’re parents, but at the moment your parents aren’t exactly looking out in your best fucking interest,” she was getting frustrated with me.

“What about you Ashley?” I snapped. “You’re parents aren’t exactly perfect either, and I don’t tell you what to do.”

“Yeah well I didn’t try to fucken kill myself!” I felt it. I felt everything. It all just stopped… The air in my lungs froze as did the blood in my veins. It actually starting feeling real. And it hurt.

“Fuck you,” I whispered before turning to go upstairs. Kyla just looked like she was lost for words.

“No Spencer,” Ashley stated grabbing a hold of my arm and forcing me closer to her.

“Let go,” I demanded trying to get out of her grip. But in response she forced just pulled harder pushing me into the wall. Keeping me in place with her own body.

“No,” she insisted pinning my hands above my head and looking me in the eye. “No.”

“Please,” I begged.

“Let me help you Spencer.” The sorrow echoed through her wavering voice. And it was my fault.

“Ash I can’t,” I stated trying to move, but she just pressed into me harder.

“Yes you can. You’re just not trying,” she stated getting frustrated.

“I am trying,” I replied angrily.

“Just like you’re trying to stop cutting?”

“I need it Ashley,” I whimpered.

“More than you need me?” She looked so hurt.

“Don’t make me choose.”

“What would you choose Spencer huh?” she asked. “Me or your fucken blade baby? Me or your fucken blade?”

“You,” I whispered so softly I didn’t know if she could even hear me. “I choose you.” Her grip loosened. She looked at me with so much sympathy it hurt. It hurt to see her like this. It hurt to see me like this. It hurt to be like this. “I choose you.”