A week passed by and Mark was still here. I was beginning to wonder if he was going to become a permanent fixture. I know I need to get over it, because he’s important to Ashley. I mean she tries to include me. It’s not her fault I just don’t want to be near the guy. It’s just that it hurts to see him make her laugh. Clenching my fist, I can’t even stand thinking about it. So how the hell could I watch it?

More scars have been resurrected, each one deeper than the last. But no matter how deep i got, it never seemed deep enough.  You’d think I’d be worried that I’d get too deep, but in the back of my mind, that’s exactly what part of me wanted. I wanted to get out of everybody’s life. I wanted this to stop hurting…

Kyla and Ashley have spent the week planning Kyla’s welcome home party, which means Saturday night I’ll have to see not only Mark with Ashley but Aiden too. My only request, there better be some fucking alcohol.

I’m suppose to have a “therapy” appointment next week, and even though Ashley keeps forgetting about everything else, I’m sure she’ll remember this. Just my luck. Chances are against me that she’ll forget it, but I’d be ok with that. The way I see it is, if I don’t understand my own life, how the hell is anybody else suppose to even understand it? It’s so fucking twisted. The thought alone is enough to drive me insane. Why would I pay someone who I don’t even want to fucking talk to? I don’t want to talk to anybody. I just want to stop existing, for life to come to a screeching halt, everyone I care about will finally have a chance at being happy again…

I know Ash says she’d do anything to make me happy, but how much more can I ask? She can’t read my mind, and the truth is, either can I. I don’t know how to fight the demons that coexist inside my head anymore. I don’t know how to stop the tears. Because at the end of the day, I know being around Ashley is only temporary.