I’ve only felt quite like this once before. If it’s possible, it was the best and the worst moments of my life. If I wasn’t thinking about Ashley, I was dreaming about the girl. For a while in a long time, I started feeling somewhat alive again.

After riding the bus for the last two days, Ashley offered to start driving me home. Hell yeah not more dorky bus for me. If it was possible my transportation jumped from shit to perfect. Something about her created a smile on my face that almost seemed permenant. My face started hurting after awhile from smiling so much. Smiling seemed so unfamiliar half the time. I’d even find myself sitting in my room, and then I’d randomly burst out in laughter thinking about Ashley. I even busted out laughing in class one day. After that outburst I got a lot of strange looks. But whatever I’m happy and that’s all that’s suppose to matter right? But the real question is do I deserve to be happy.

By the time Friday rolled around I was going out of my mind.

“You ready for tonight?” Ashley asked in the car on the way to school.

“Fuck yes…I,I mean yeah.” Real fucken smooth Spencer. She just smiled. Was it possible my stupidity was slightly endearing? Or it’s also just possible that she feels sorry for me. I’m just hoping it’s the first one out of those two.

“So listen my friend got off the hook from his girlfriend, and is going to come with us. Is that ok?” For some reason my smile fell immediately. What’s amazing is she picked up on it right away without even having to look at me. “I can tell him no.”

“Na, it’s alright,” I insisted. I’ve been here for five days. I don’t exactly have to authority to start dictating her life, and she’ll hate me if I try.

“Are you sure?” She asked biting her lip glancing away from oncoming traffic to try and get a read on me.

“Yeah, yeah it’s fine…”

I knew I couldn’t let this break me, it’d be so stupid. I’m still going with her tonight, and I’m still crashing at her house afterwards. Now there is just some random guy I have to work around. Well if I posses any charm at all, now would be a great time to find it.