It took moments for it to all settle in, but it did. Like a flood of memories, it all came back… It felt like there were a million needles in my brain, going down and piercing my heart. So much for out running my past. I could feel my thinking slowing down and it got harder to breathe. I couldn’t breakdown there. I fought back the pain, and tried to hide it from my voice. The last I need to do is ruin my chance at even having friends. “Um, hey I’m going to go.”

“Spencer are you okay?” Kyla asked sounding worried. She stood up and took a step towards me, but physical contact at the moment scared me. I backed away a little avoiding all eye contact with her or Ashley.

“Um I’m just going to go home,” I declared. “Thanks for taking me to the concert, but um I got to go.”

“Spencer it’s two o’clock in the morning,” Ashley stated.

“It‘s alright,” I responded.

“Spence what’s wrong?” Ashley asked.

“I feel kind of sick,” I lied.

“Do you want some ibuprofen or something?” Ashley questioned trying to figure out why I was freaking out and trying to remedy the situation.

“No, I just need to go home,” I answered now sweating. God, what the hell is going on? Why did I sing that song? I knew that song could break me down. I might as well be comatose. It’d be a hell of a lot easier. I can’t play this charade, and I can’t stand these constant web of lies.

“Let me walk you home then,” Ashley offered.

“Um okay,” I mumbled just needing to get out of this uncomfortable situation anyway possible, anyway possible. Ashley went to grab her shoes. I didn’t even bother to grab my bag. No one said anything. My thoughts were screaming so violently I thought for sure they were able to hear them. It was the most awkward silence in my entire life. I just zoned out and focused on my breathing. It was so dark outside I thought for a second maybe I was looking inside my heart. So many thoughts kept pounding into my skull, but I forced them down. This wasn’t the time to have another breakdown. Not here I pleaded with myself. The flashbacks penetrated the wall I built up so long ago to block them out. They came full force. I stuffed them down until I got to my house. The walk isn’t long but to me it seemed like the longest road I’ve ever treaded on. If the situation was different, I would want this walk to never end with Ashley by my side. But right now the situation wasn’t different. I didn’t want her to see this. I didn’t want her to have to see me. I didn’t look at Ashley when I got to my house. “I’m really sorry,” I said looking at my feet, looking at the sky, looking anywhere them.