01/06/2007

Dear diary,

I know it’s been to long since I’ve written in here to you and dim sorry but now I thin I need your help. I have this big problem that I can’t seem to shake off. You remember the girl I told you about? The girl I was madly in love with, the one girl who I said I could never get off my mind? And how I run around school just see her but she not see me? I know I’ve been stuck on her way to long since the first day I came here, and looked into those big brown gorgeous eyes. I can’t stop myself from being in “LOVE” with her. I know we’ve barely spoken a few hi’s and bye’ now and then and a few small conversations but nothing to big. Ya we went out twice, and it was fun but I can’t seem to forget those nights. Once we were by the big lake and we were having dinner, I remember her eating her desert like she was trying to tell me to reach over and kiss her so hard that she would lose it after and never let go… but I was wrong instead I texted her, YES she was sitting less than a foot away from me but I was to nervous to say something. But the text did its job. She smiled at me and laughed, and was a cute laugh she has.

All my friends say she’s no good for me. She’s this stuck up bitch that only goes for guys with HOT! Cars and a lot of money. Ya I have money but a car not so much, well not till next year. Anyways that’s not what I’m here to talk about I need to tell you that she’s goanna be on the same team as me, and I can already feel the awkwardness that’s goanna be presented on the field. I hate that fact that she can just come in and destroy my junior year of sports just in a simple “I want to play that too”. A part of me is wondering why she would wanna play? She never gave it any interest last year when I played it. A few of my friends say that she might be doing it to get my attention. Like she needs more of it. Even though I’m done crushing on her I can’t stop thinking of her. I don’t like her but I know do and its hard to deal with. I know I’m to good for her but I still want her she’s what makes me want to look good every morning. Every time I walk into any clothes store I always ask myself if she saw me would she like it. Would she think I look hot in it? I can’t stop liking her, its hard to deal with the fact that MORE THAN HALF THE SCHOOL KNOWS I LIKE HER SO MUCH. Hell she even knows it and sometimes I think she tries to play me, but she never shows it in school. We have a pretty ok relationship outside of school, you we talk and sometimes come over or I’ll help her with stuff but in school she’s a totally different person I cant handle her, I mean I can but I just don’t want to anymore. She’s apart of my past known and I have to deal with it. She wont be there in college when I go, she’ll be else where and now I can finally say I’m OVER her , I DON’T NEED HER, I NEVER DID, I NEVER WANT ANYTHING FROM HER… anymore… but everyone I know and every girl I date here on will always be compared to her, to Ashley, to her beauty. There’s nothing I can’t do about it. She’ll always be my first love but not real LOVE LOVE, you know, so here and now I give up on her and maybe one day I’ll have a girl like her, who actually wants to be with me too. GOODBYE ASHLEY DAVIS. 

Thanks diary for listening I really needed to get all this out, I promise I’ll be back with some more, and you’ll be the first to know.