I hesitated, “I don’t think that’s a good idea Ashley.”

“See I was thinking about that whole permission thing, you can tell your mom that Kyla is having a girl’s night, oh wait “girl’s night” might give her the wrong idea. She knows about Kyla and Aiden though so that’s not too threatening, your mom is such a hard ass about stupid things…”

“ASHLEY, permission is not a problem. Glen is gone 4 nights a week my mom is easy to lie to she believes what she wants to believe. I just meant drinking might not be a good idea.”

“Oh cmon Spence you’re almost 17 you can’t possibly tell me you’ve never been drunk before.”

She’s not making this easy.

“Well yeah a few times.”

“It’ll be no big deal, just me and you and some crappy Netflix movies I just got, I’m a decent bartender you know, I can make it so you won’t even taste it. We’ve been best friends since sophomore year and I’ve still never seen you trashed!”

I roll my eyes. There’s a reason for this that I’m surprised she doesn’t see. I can’t exactly just be like yeah Ash we’ve never been drunk together because I’m afraid the brain to mouth sensor that prevents me from spilling my guts about my feelings won’t work when I’m intoxicated. Two years of constant diligence on my part to avoid giving her signs. It’s exhausting but necessary. Our friendship means more to me than anything I would fake cancer to keep from losing her.

“So what do you think, class is over in 4 minutes.” she says snapping me out of my thoughts.

I sigh, “ok ok Ash you win, despite the tarnish I risk to my reputation,” I joke.

“HA, ok meet at my place whenever you can break out of ‘chateau du Carlin.’”

I giggle; Ashley attempting to speak French is cute.

“That doesn’t even MATCH!” I scream and rip off my brown top and throw it at the mirror.

The outfit selection process is going painfully slow and is frustrating the living hell out of me. She has seen me at least 6 days a week for the past 2 and a half years, the logical part of me knows she doesn’t care what I wear but it’s like this every time I go to see her. I hate that I think about her before I go to sleep and right when I wake up. And during the classes we don’t have together, and the ones we do, and when I go home before I text her goodnight. When I’m with her it’s like a drug. Stupid boring shit is automatically fun. Lame errands become adventures. She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It’s pathetic but if I ignore these feelings they’ll eventually go away. I hope.