Chapter Five

I rushed her to the hospital that night but the doctors took her right away and wouldn’t let me in the room. I told that to let me know as soon as they found out anything, they agreed, but for some reason I didnt trust them. I never liked doctors. It just seems like they let you down too much.

To tell you the truth, I dont think I’ve ever been this terrified in my life. For some reason, I had this thought. This thought about Spencer. What if today was her last day on earth? What if these doctors were going to let me down, like they let so many people down? That tight feeling in the pit of my stomach was getting worse by the moment and I kept getting up every once in a while, as if moving around would bring better news. I think I was puzzling some people, because I was getting these strange stares, but it didnt matter.

All I kept thinking about was Spencer, and how amazing she is, and how I never treated her the right way. Lexie and the other girls, and guys that I did were poping up inside my head and it took all the strength within me to not rip my hair out. I hated myself. Infact, I dont believe hate is a strong enough word.

I made a promise to myself that night that no matter what the result, I would never see or speak to Lexie, or any of the rest for that matter. For someone who doesnt believe people can change, I suddenly had new faith in myself. It was serious this time, I was serious. Some people only dream about having a lover like Spencer. I had her, and look what I did.

The annoying lady next to me kept glancing in my direction. I think it was because my knee kept moving up and down, so violently. I decided not to say anything to her. I figured she might be waiting on a dying loved one for all I know.

It’s funny when stuff like this happens, it really makes you realize what you have. Though, I cant believe it took a visit to the hospital to make me realize what I had. It’s funny when you turn into someone you hate. It’s funny when you sit back and blame people for their flaws, when you have many of your own.