It started out as merely a friendship. Yeah, or at least that’s what I like to tell myself. At least that way, if it explodes in my face, which it will, I still have something to go back to right? As long as there is a foundation, there still has to be some connection.

But the truth is I don’t know if to me we ever were really JUST friends, not to me at least. No, she was my girl, my obsession, my infatuation. This girl was my walking dream. She didn’t know it, and I sure as hell planned on keeping it that way. I mean I could spend my entire life never being anything more than friends right? I mean, I need her there to be my friend. Because in the end, I couldn‘t stand losing her.

I hate feeling like this

There’s been weeks, months when I feel like I’m drowning in emotions. She’s all that I ever think about, and it’s driving me crazy. Sure, I’ve tried moving on. But in the end, she really is the only thing that means anything to me anymore. I hate it so much, but I can’t change it. I can’t change the situation. I can’t change how I feel. I can’t change her..

I hurts sometimes being so close to her, and knowing nothing can ever happen. It’s like being denied your drug, except for the withdrawals go on for months and months. And the months turn into years. I’ve watched her slip away with each new guy that comes. I’ve gone through her come here go away routine she’s been putting me through, and no matter how much I hate it, I know I’ll still be here waiting for her in the end.

Comatose