I laid there, staring up at the ceiling, burrowed in soft blankets as I did my best to drift off. Honestly though, I couldn’t sleep because she wasn’t with me. Spencer.  God, how many times had I said her name? Enough that it was my favorite word; hands down. As soon as I heard it my ears perked up; desperate for any information. Spencer had bewitched me; completely. But now she was gone; she was no longer herself.

                Ever since that awful fight; I don’t even remember what it was about but it took her from me.  It’d be three months, three dreadful months without her beside me, without hearing her laughter or seeing her smile. These days her smile was fake, as was her laughter. I could tell the difference.  God, I just wanted to hear her laugh again. It had always captivated me, the way she’d throw her head back or how she would make some type of physical contact, touching my hand or arm. I was always so mesmerized by her; I probably knew more about her than she did. Her eyes no longer held their spark either; her smile no longer reached them and it made her eyes look fake. Her eyes had once held every emotion that passed through her; she was completely open like a book for me to read over and over.

                The only time I saw her spark up again is when she knew I was watching. She would flirt and tease the girls; whoever was around because she knew that I was watching. She always made sure that I saw her leave with them, her catch of the night. I would just drink more and try not to dwell on her. I wanted her; I’d always want her. Sometimes I’d have a dream that she showed up at my door, and suddenly everything would be okay.  I knew it couldn’t happen that way but there was always hope.

                I sighed as I sat up, pushing my hair back. I wasn’t going to sleep tonight; I don’t know why I’d even tried. I reached over to my bedside and grabbed the bottle of vodka that had come to be my constant companion as of late. I tenderly grabbed the note that had been folded and read so many times that it was soft in my hands. I read the note over and over like I always did. Her excuses for not being with me, I’d already memorized it. Mostly I just read the bottom where she’d written that she’d love me forever. It hurt to read, sure, but it was my tiny thread of Spencer.