But I had been waiting for her.

And she…she had been waiting for the naïve blonde upstairs who she could never completely have.

“I’m not. You’re not stupid.”

“I know that.”

“Well, hey…I do too,” she says, mechanically stroking my arm. The rhythm of it created a painful panic that seared every part of my occasionally, uninspired psychic nature. I knew I was done with her.

More, that she was done with me.

“You’re in love with her.”

“She thinks so.”

“Beyond that, Ashley. You’re really, actually in love with her…as if anything good can come of it.”

“Where is this coming from?”

“I’ve seen the way you look at her now. I see the way you look when you talk about her, and I know that look. I know it because that’s the way I look at you. That’s the way that I look when I’m talking about you.”

“Since when do you talk about me, Aiden? To who? Your wife?”

“Just answer me, please.”

“What? What is it?” she asked, “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“You don’t?”

“I don’t want to play the game. If there’s something you want to know then just ask!”

“I will…and I have. Tell me, are you or are you not in love with Spencer?”

She said nothing, making a strange noise before a defensive smile spread across her speechless face.

“Ash…please…”

“Does it matter?”

And that was all. She said nothing else about her growing sincerity. Nothing about the character consuming and becoming the actress.

“It matters to me.”

“Come here,” she said with a sigh, offering her hand to me, “come be with me.”

But she was unenthusiastic.

Tired.

Distracted.

“Why would I do that?”

“What? Come on, Aiden. Let’s have some fun for awhile, ok?”

It was the final straw for me. I had become a john for her. A job. I was supposed to be her hero. I was supposed to save her from the strangers and the lawyers. Separate the work from the play.

She was supposed to be in love with me.

“Don’t talk to me like that, please. Don’t talk to me like I’m paying.”

“I’m going to bed.”

“I’m sure. The question is, are you going to bed here or are you going to bed with…her?”