I was never the type to make myself noticed.  Always keeping to myself in the corners of the classrooms, never speaking out to make a humerous comment, and never drawing attention to myself. 

My description would have to be quite simple. I often tried to come up with ways to describe myself without making myself seem too entirely lame.  I was easily able to come up with a list of my good qualities, but I wasn’t able to come up with a way to list them in a way that didn’t turn me into some sort of over-achieving snob.  Because I’m not, I promise.  Either way, here’s the list:  Member of the National Honor Society, pianist, has a job, volunteers in Interact, tutors sometimes, has never done drugs or drank alcohol, plays softball,…and the list could go on. 

Making myself sound normal was definitely not easy.  I can remember, however, when that defining moment came, and I realized that I simply might not be normal. My freshman year, I couldn’t help but notice my abnormal attraction to girls.  And it was never the girls most people would be attracted to.  They weren’t the model-esque blondes with the perfect bodies and perfect boyfriends.  No, they never appealed to me.  It was always the artsy girls.  The ones with black hair styled in a way nobody but them could possibly design.  Their styles were always the most abstract, but they were able to pull it off because the were…well…them.

Which is why, for the longest time, I was able to pretend that I wasn’t attracted to them, but that I was merely intrigued by their fascinating creativity instead. 

That period of time ended, however, the night of the dream.  It was my first, and to this day the last, dream containing anything sexual; it managed to put an end to my ability to pretend that my ‘interests’ were not in fact, crushes.  The dream itself covered a time span of somewhere around thirty seconds, but it was able to etch itself into my memory.

I was standing in the shower with steaming water cascading down around my shoulders.  The girl standing in front of me was trailing her fingers down the side of my arm and slowly moving towards me, never breaking eye contact.  She reached forward and linked one arm around my neck and leaned in to kiss me.  I closed my eyes, tilted my head, and returned the gesture. Her lips trailed off mine, and slid down to the side of my neck.  I opened my eyes and the dream ended.