{Spencer}: “Happy one year of being friends my love xxx”

{Ashley}: “Happy one year Spence. God it’s flown in xxx”

{Spencer}: “So it does when you’re having the time of your life xxx”

{Ashley}: “Ain’t that the truth x”

That’s the txt I was woken with from Spencer. On this day, one year ago, we went to that club, and that night changed the following year for me completely. I’ve realised a lot in this year, and if it wasn’t for Spencer then I probably wouldn’t have, yet. I’ve realised that I have it in me to care for another human being more than my self, I’ve realised what being happy feels like, I’ve realised that I’m hot for girls, more specifically, Spencer, and I’ve realised what love is. I’ve also realised that I still currently have a boyfriend.

Miles. Fuck what am I going to do about him? I still don’t even know what’s going on with me. I like chicks, yes. But I don’t know if I’m not into guys anymore as well. I’ve been finding ways to get out of spending time with him so often; they range from ‘homework’ to ‘womb cramps’ to ‘my mum isn’t letting me out’. That last one is utter bullshit, my mum would let me out if I wanted to be, as long as I’m back at a reasonable hour and let her know where I’m going. Which is also a problem, she knows nothing about Miles, and I’ve kept our relationship a secret from her because if she knew then that would result in having to formally meet him, fuck no. As far as my mum’s concerned I’ve never so much as kissed anyone, I’d like to maintain that mentality because that would keep the questions at bay. But poor Miles, he doesn’t even know that his girlfriend is in love with someone else, someone not him. I’ve not given much thought as to how I would end this relationship, it’s only been a couple of months, but I was just hoping it would kind of disappear, like magic. I don’t want to hurt him because he is genuinely a really sweet guy, and has always been really good to me. I’ll have to see him a few more times to just see if there can be anything there at all.