– Ashley’s POV –

I tried hard, I really did but I just can’t get her out of my head. I managed to ruin the only good in my life, a classic Davies faux pas! And now I have to live with that for the rest of my days. The only thing that keeps me going is my music. Guess I have to give my dad credit for that. I loved him so much but his instant leaving me behind and lack of presence almost killed me back then. And what makes it even harder is that I had one of the best nights with him before he passed away. To be honest I always thought that he would end in a cliché like way. Maybe an overdose or drunken driving or something other illegal would cause his death. But a car crash? Not really the rock way to go. I couldn’t deal with that, I didn’t know how to deal with that. And the only help and hope given to me were by Spencer.

The girl I still dream about. The first person that actually cared about me. She was the reason I survived all the drama I was surrounded by. And now that she is gone all that’s left is music. We always had our arguments and fights but I think that was one of the reasons “we” were perfect. Perfect in imperfection. And every time we were arguing one of us left but after some cooling off time we said our sorries and all was forgotten. Same procedure every time. We couldn’t stay mad at each other for long. But the night she left for good was somehow different. And by the second she was out the door I knew she wouldn’t come back. The hope that maybe one day my door opens and I will be greeted by a pair of blue eyes never left my heart.

It’s been a little more than a year since we walked our separate ways and still every night I sit in front of the door and just stare at it. This has become a little ritual to me. No matter what time I come home I take a few minutes sitting down boring a hole in the front door and praying for her to come back. Sitting there on the floor images of happy times float through my mind. It’s funny that I actually just remember the good times we were spending together. Though there was a lot of drama, all what stayed in the synapses of my crazy brain is the bright side of things that happened in our relationship. And that’s an odd thing to say ‘bout my head, ‘cause in the past it kind of was surrounded by a dark cloud. No happy thoughts at all. I always had been the pessimistic one before I met her. Not only did she conquer my heart, no Spencer even invaded my mind. She changed me so much, and not to say in a bad way! She made a better person out of little old me. And not having her around now makes it hard not to fall back into my old habits. After all she just left as everyone else in my life did. I don’t blame her for leaving me. I’m really not easy to be with. And I guess I always knew that sooner or later she would be gone. I just always hoped that it would be later and later never would come.