She hadn’t done this since Spencer.  Hadn’t asked someone out in over seven years…had it really been that long?  The cafe was again devoid of college kids on Friday afternoon, but Cate was still putting a fresh batch of muffins into the case when Ashley approached the counter.  "Hey" was the smoothest way Ashley could start out the conversation.

"Hey yourself," Cate replied, closing the glass.  "How’d your girlfriend like that drink?"  She wiped her hands on her apron, waiting for an answer.  I was right about the green eyes.

"She loved it.  But…um…" Cate’s face dropped; Ashley was quick to reassure her.  "No, no.  The drink was perfect.  But, she’s not my …girlfriend…anymore."  Again with the blushing?  Jesus…

"Don’t tell me you broke up over my drink!"  Ashley could tell Cate was half-joking, half-wondering if Spencer really was that much of a psycho.

"No, no.  We broke up a while ago.  It’s just…well…she…she’s still my…best friend…but she’s sick.  Dying, actually.  That’s why she’s at St. Steven’s and, well, she told me to get your digits.  For me.  Not her."

Cate was silent and Ashley could not read her face.  After a few seconds, Cate took a breath and said, "Well, if I can fulfill a girl’s dying wish.  555-6170."  Ashley whipped out her phone and typed it in, trembling as she did so.  When she flipped it closed, Cate had moved to the espresso machine.  "Go grab your seat.  I wanna hear about this girl."

******

The night Spencer found out the cancer was back, she asked Ashley to come for dinner at Arthur’s.  After Paula’s meltdown over her daughter’s sexuality, both father and daughter had left the house.  Even after her initial diagnosis, Paula had called with only an "I’m sorry."  When Spencer had to be hospitalized, Paula pulled strings and got her a private room.  She never visited, but demanded Ashley’s time be restricted.

That night, Ashley sat in silence as Spencer explained her prognosis.  She was giving her a timeline, and Ashlee tried to add it to the one she used when talking about Spencer to other people — Nine months ago, doctors found the tumor.  Six months ago, she lost her leg.  Four months ago, she was declared cancer-free and she started taking graduate classes in education.  And now, she was telling Ashley she was sick again.  And this time, it was worse.  And she didn’t want what time she had left to be sucked away by chemotherapy.  Ashley just nodded, not comprehending, not believing.  Silent tears rolled down her cheek; Spencer just wiped them away, never shedding her own. 

And then Spencer said she wanted Ashley to be free — free from her, her disease, her death.  Ashley just kept nodding.  It didn’t hit her until she was on a business trip three weeks later.  She was in New York City, chatting with the LA office on her cell phone, when she saw the steaming Ramen cup in Times Square.  Their first vacation together was during Spring Break of junior year.  They had shared their first NYC kiss under that cup.  She broke down, literally crumpled to the street as a fellow co-worker shouted her name through the phone.  Spencer never found out about it, and Ashley never mentioned getting back together.  She couldn’t do anything to save her, and if this was one thing she could do for Spencer, she would do it.

Ashley took a breath.  Cate sipped her coffee, quiet again before she finally said, "Ok, when can I meet her?"