‘Oh crap! Shit, shit, shit! What have I done? She is so going to hate me! What do I do, what do I say? Should I even tell her? I mean it’s not like she would find it out unless I tell her, right? Oh man, I’m sure she will find out sooner or later and when I’m not telling she is going to be even more pissed! I have to tell her. But how? And when? There is never a good time for bad news. Shit! I’m screwed. What if she’s never going to speak to me again? God I can’t stand the thought, that she is going to hate me. This is so going to destroy everything. I love her so very much, that can’t be the end. Maybe she’ll understand, maybe she’ll forgive me? Or maybe…not! How the hell can I fix this? Is it even possible to fix it? I have to tell her! I can’t pretend everything is fine when really it isn’t. Oh crap! Get a grip Spencer…Ash is going to pick you up any minute! Ok…calm down…breathe…slow down heart…stop racing mind! What am I going to say? Damn alcohol! I never ever touch that stuff again! I never ever will drink again! Wait…water…I can drink water…and juice and coffee and tea and…stop it! Brain think! Ok…I just say…Ash, I’m so sorry but I… sweet Jesus I’m so screwed! I can’t even finish the line just by thinking it! How am I going to make my tongue say it? But wait…is the tongue responsible for speaking? What makes you actually speak is it…Was that the bell? I think I heard the doorbell! Ashley! Fuck, fuck, fuck!’

Spencer Carlin was so not a happy camper. She had everything, a caring family who supported her in every way well almost every way but that’s another story, a bunch of close friends who would do anything for her and a loving girlfriend who would die for her. Life was treating her good, way too good in her opinion. But unfortunately she screwed everything up. That is what she was thinking anyway.

As she was slowly leaving the spot on the couch she occupied the last couple of hours staring blankly in the air, she felt more guilty in her life than ever before. Step by step she made her way to the front door. The closer she got to that big wooden door the more her heart rate sped up. By the time she reached the door knob she thought her chest might burst just from the pounding of her heart. It took every strength in her to open that door. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and in one smooth movement the door was wide open. She didn’t open her eyes she didn’t move or say anything. She just waited there for the other person standing in the doorway to speak at first. But no one actually spoke up so she decided to peak through her left eye.