everything is just a carefully constructed lie.

All that she was and possesed was a lie.From the fake smile and quick wit to the friends in high places and perfect home.To everyone it seemed like she had everything she had dreamed of.They were wrong. She was missing the only thing she dreamed of,every night over and over again.The dreams never stopped,everynight they tormented her and left her shaking and lost.the days weren’t any better.

Everyday she woke up to feel the space that had once been occupied by the girl who owned her heart. and everyday she  would carefully study the picture which sat on the table next to her bed taking in every detail of her lover’s being.people had told her to forget and move on,she never wanted to forget the best days of her life. the days when she felt alive and loved. the days when she felt complete.

None of that existed anymore. All that was left of those times were the photographs and memories which seemed to play in her mind in a neverending cycle. she remembered every touch,every kiss and every moment whish she and her lover had shared. they had had so many plans but none of that mattered now. nothing mattered now.not her so-called friends or her perfect life.

these were just a few of the thoughts that ran through her head as she placed the small white container and bottle of whisky on the table. She roughly pulled the lid off the container and emptied the contents onto the table.there were around 40 small oval pills she thought and hoped that would be enough.

Quickly she placed a few of the pills in her mouth and took several gulps of the alcahol. it stung the back of her throat and brought tears to her eyes as she felt the pills go down. this pattern was repeated several times until almost all of the alcahol had been consumed. she began to feel light-headed as the pills took control.She squinted her eyes at the large clock on the wall to see that it was  1:20am. "this is it" she thought as her limbs became weak and she slid to the floor. "not long now"she sneered bitterly to nothing in particular. soon she would be released from the prison that was her life. all the talent and dedication had been for nothing. she had ended up with nothing that meant anything to her.

It wasn’t like she had a god awful life. "was it really that bad?"she questioned herself. " fuck yes"was the awnser. sure her mother had abandoned her and her father had died but she had some good things in her life right? "wrong you had a good thing in your life" she thought absent mindedly.  her body began to shut down and she felt her stomach lurch. she ran a shaky hand through her hair  while holding up whisky bottle and whispering "here’s to you,spence" before gulping down the remaining liquid and letting the bottle fall to the floor.  she  grimaced and  took one last look at the photograph of her and spencer before closing her eyes and giving in completley to the affects of the alcahol mixed with the drugs she injested earlier.