The present…………

Here I am at the bottom, I have nothing my everything is gone.  I’m sitting in the dark staring at nothing in particular.  No I’m not sitting in the corner holding myself that’s too stereotypical for me.  I am on the floor though in front of my door.  Surrounding me at the moment is some pills, a bottle of vodka, and a couple of razors.  I see my phone flashing constantly to let me know that I have messages but from the color I can tell it’s everyone but who I want it to be.  She doesn’t care about me anymore, she doesn’t love me.  Why should I be here what do I have to live for now?  She was my life, the only person I ever loved or ever will.  Always and forever never ending I promise that’s what she always told me, never wanted me to forget it.  Well guess what I won’t forget it I don’t want to.  The only time I feel is when I think about her, granted its pain but at least it’s something.  Every other time is just numbness sometimes I wonder if I am even alive.  This brings me back to everything that is in front of me, I pick up the blade and look at my reflection in it.  All I see is a nobody, someone not worth being around…..

The past……

 Ugh I hate when there is nothing to do!  It’s a Wednesday night so I guess there really isn’t anything that would be going on but still I’m so bored.  Well when in doubt get online I guess.  You know what I’ll sign onto aim I haven’t done that in ages maybe I’ll catch abby online.  Nope go figure she isn’t on, tonight really freaking sucks.  Oh check that out it’s that Ashley girl I have been emailing, I don’t want to be creepy and send her a message she probably doesn’t even want to talk to me.

*hey spencer            

Oh my god oh my god oh my god she just wrote me! Ok I just became such a girl I don’t even know this chick really why am I getting so excited?

*hey Ashley how r u?

Next thing I know an hour has already passed.  And I seem to not get enough of her I want to keep chatting but unfortunately she has to go she has to get up for work at like 3am ha screw that.   That night I went to bed thinking of her nonstop.