Jessica sat comfortably on the small swing in front of her cousin’s house. She pulled her legs closer to her chest warming her body with a think blanket. It was already December, two weeks from the day Jessica confessed that she loved Spencer, and Spencer still hasn’t called her back.

She sat their alone listening to the calm song which filled her ears. A dark shadow appeared on the sidewalk as someone came closer to the house. The light post shone down on the sidewalk which illuminated the person’s face. Spencer walked up the porch steps over to Jessica. “Do you mind if I sit?” she asked. Jessica nodded and eventually Jessica took her seat swinging the bench lightly.

“Why are you here?” Jessica mumbled reaching into her sweater pocket to pause her song. Spencer sighed softly shrugging her arms. They sat their silent for awhile, taking in the moment. Finally Jessica asked, “You didn’t call me, back.” Spencer turned her head facing her best friend, taking in her natural beauty. “I’m here now.”

Jessica just looked at her still angry at her for letting her down harshly. Before she could say anything Spencer jumped in. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Spencer sat their awkwardly placing her hands on the bench beside her thighs. She lightly tapped the wooden bench with her finger nails as she swayed the bench back and forth. “You still love her, huh?” Spencer looked at her solemnly and nodded. “I can’t just change the way I feel, Jessi.”

“Why not, why is it so hard for you?”

“Because.”

“Because what, Spencer. Am I not good enough, am I not as great as Ashley, do I not live up to your standards?”

“No it’s not that.”

“Then what is it, Spencer. Just tell me what I did wrong.” Jessica said stopped the bench from swinging. She needed to know now.

“I just can’t be your girlfriend.”

Jessica sniffled pulling her blanket closer. It was the only thing between her and Spencer and she needed it there, to guard her, to shield her. “Why, can’t you do that?”

“Because, that would mean I would have to hurt you. And you know that I never want to do that.”

“But you’re going to still hurt, Ashley.”

Spencer shook her head fustrated. She looked over at her best friend and placed her fingers around her hand. Her thumbs slowly caressing Jessica’s palms as she looked into her eyes. “I know that you love me, I can’t get that out of my head. I just I really don’t want to hurt you anymore that your parents did.”

“But.”

Spencer placed her free index finger over her lips. “Shh, let me talk okay?” Jessica nodded still holding on to Spencer’s hand tightly.

“Of I love you, no question, but there’s something about Ashley. I just want to experiment with her, see how it works out between us. But between the both us is a stronger bond that I’ll ever have with Ashley, and that’s what I want to keep. I don’t want us to become awkward if we have fight and I don’t want us to be anymore but close. That’s what I choose Ashley, because even though I love her, being with her can never compare to what I feel with you.” Spencer exhaled lightly smiling.

“I still love you, Spencer.”

“I know that.” Spencer whispered. She leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “You’ll always be in my heart.”