Spencers pov

The walls close in, as the darkness spreads and makes peace with the room. Left with only the voices in my head. I laid on my bed in the dark. They’re always there. They never seem to leave. God I miss Ashley.

Tell myself on the ride home

Getting tired hating all I’ve known

Holding on like it’s all I have

Count me out when its clear that…

I find it hard to say

You find it hard to care.

It was Friday and I was alone. My consisted of patterns that would eventually scar if they ever got the chance to heal. If it’s possible, I’ve felt myself sink further into this depression everyday, almost like it’s taunting me. By seven I was tired of sitting around, and I drank up pretty much everything in the house. So I straightened my blonde hair and put on make up. (I haven’t done this I forever) I called a cab and headed out to a club.

I wanted to see something that’s different

Something you said would change in me

Wanted to be anything different

Everything you would change in me

With every sip of the toxin I was drinking, the pain numbed a little more. The pressure was a little the light, the relief a little stronger, and the pain seemed to disappear, for now. One of the girls started hitting on me. She’d put her hands in my pockets and whisper in my ear how beautiful I was. Her hot breath sent shivers down my spine, awaking a feeling I’ve been trying so hard to suppress. The lights played off her smile. Ashley has a beautiful smile. I could barley stand, so I just danced as she felt me up.

I’ve got this way up front but never true

God I’m wrong

It’s just the way I am

Crashing down

Any chance you’ll hear

Caving in

Any chance that you can see inside of me

And I, I’ll know what it say

It’s fine this isn’t Hollywood

So fine

Getting in your way

We went back to my house.

By morning she was gone, along with my virginity, and my innocence.

Every inch, every touch, every moment, it was all just a random fuck. That’s all I’m worth, a random fuck

I wanted to see something that’s different

Something you said would change in me

I wanted to be anything different

Everything you would change in me

We’re two worlds apart. The room was spinning now, I couldn’t even get my tears out, only chocked up sobs. I stumbled to my drawer to pick up my blade, but when I had the blade pressed up against my skin and went to push down, I couldn’t do it…

Frustrated, I threw the blade across the room and slid down the wall, sobbing uncontrollably.

I’m taking a chance

This could be different

This could be all I’m waiting for

Once again I was all alone…

I wanted to see something that’s different

Something you said would change in me

I wanted to be anything different

Everything you would change in me.