Five years. Five years I’ve spent waiting, suffocating. To hide your heart is to hide your own soul. My name is Ashley Davies and for the last five years I’ve spent in love with my best friend Spencer Carlin.

Every waking moment is spent retracing every movement, every memory, and touch. I always knew that deep down I would take a bullet for her every time. She could treat me like shit, and I’d still jump in front for her. I never knew exactly why I cared about her so much when we were younger, but soon it all came clear like the rain washing away the stains of time. I was falling for her faster every day, and i couldn’t stop it.  It was an inevitable disaster.  I knew it. 

I kept the truth buried when I found out. Buried in my heart and my soul, nobody knew. I thought nobody ever would, but one day it leaked.

And I’m sorry, but this is my fate.
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.
And I’m sorry, but I’ve waited too long.
So here’s my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
I’m not worth any tears.

I told the wrong person. Aiden told Madison and it spread like wild fire turning my life to ashes. My best friend of five years couldn’t even look at me. I don’t blame her.

When Spencer found out she was disgusted. No mercy, no remorse, she tore at my heart with every word, every sentence, every repulsed look.

I could have lived my entire life never being her girlfriend, but I can’t deal with not being her friend. She walked away from me that day, and I knew she was never coming back. A single tear fell and faded. This feeling would never die. I knew deep down I’ll never stop loving her…

It’s been the years, of abuse.
Neglected to treat the disorder,
That controls my youth, for so long.
I’m in a fleshy tomb, buried up above the ground.
It’s no use, why should I hold on?
It’s been five years, don’t need one more.
So goodbye, life’s abuse.

I’ve spent most of my life being unloved.  My parents sure as hell didn’t give a damn, and Spencer…Spencer was the only one who loved me.  But it’s all in the past now.   Now even that was gone.

What’s the point of living if there’s no love? She ripped out my heart. What’s the point of living if you don’t have a heart? Erased with everything else in its path. She said she never wanted to see me again, and I knew she meant it. Every touch, her smell, every memory of her now just deepened the wound as it pierced through my heart like a bullet. It went straight through. There is a time for believing, but that time isn’t now. And it’s not ever coming back.

And I’m sorry, but this is my fate.
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.
And I’m sorry, but I’ve waited too long.
So here’s my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
I’m not worth any tears.

That night I didn’t leave a note, not a single sentence to remember my existence by. I knew I would be forgotten like the next fad, but that’s not what hurt the most. What hurt the most was that Spencer would soon forget about me too. And I can’t even blame her. Finger played with the trigger as the last tear fell. Aiming it at my heart, it died along time ago. Deep down i knew i’d always take a bullet for her, and i’d keep that promise.  I put a single bullet through my heart. It no longer existed. And neither do I…

And I’m sorry, but this my fate.
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.
And I’m sorry, but I’ve waited too long.
So here’s my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
So here’s my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
I’m not worth any tears.