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    My Drug – (Chapter: Spencer Addict)

    I don’t even remember how long Spencer and Casey had been dating, I really didn’t want to either. Actually the less I thought about it the better. My gag reflexes seem to be triggered easily these days. Either way, it’d felt like weeks since we’d last hung out. I was dying to be next to her. Every time I’d see her in school, I’d get these emotions that’d crawl all over my skin. It was like a disease, but it was even worse than that. It was an addiction. I don’t even know how to explain it. It was like a combination of desire, explicable pain, and a deep need to see her smile. So I decided I’d better ask her, seeing that she never seems to have time for me anymore….

     

    I love just hanging out with her in her house. By the time we went to bed, we were crammed into her twin bed, the TV played in the background, the light reflected off the screen. The covers were wrapped around our figures. She was dangerously close to me, her arm and leg pressed into mine. Her tank top would rise up at times exposing her toned stomach. Sometimes it honestly felt unbearable being this close to her and knowing absolutely nothing can happen. It took everything I had to resist the urge to pull her as close as humanly possible. But instead I laid on my back, never once breaking the small amount of contact I was given. Her breathing seemed rhythmic, as it soothed my nerves.

    “Hey Spence,” I whispered into the darkness unsure of myself. I always was.

    “Yeah Ash,” Spencer replied sleepily.

    “What would I have to do to make you hate me?” I asked timidly. The bed shifted slowly as she sat up.

    “Why, what’s up Ash?” she asked sounding concerned. I loved when she sound worried. It was the only way I ever knew that she even gave a damn about me anymore.

    “I was just wondering,” I replied vaguely almost wishing I had never brought it up.

    “Tell me,” she pried. The down side of having history with someone, is they know how you work. I have a tendency to bring up things I want to say, and then my courage always fails me. It’s full proof by now.

    “It’s nothing,” I sighed giving up. No matter how hard I tried, I was never going to be able to say it. I could feel her eyes on me, wondering.

    “There’s nothing you could do,” she stated after a long air of silence. “I could never hate you Ash. You‘re my best friend.” She laid back down and pulled the covers up around her. I took a deep breath. Yeah, best friends…

    When I was sure she had fallen asleep, I whispered softly, “You’re my best friend too Spence,” a silent tear rolled down my cheek, “I‘ll always love you.”

     

     

    I sat up most of that night thinking. Half the time I couldn’t get the image of her and Casey out of my head. It literally felt like it drove me insane to think about it. I wanted to get over her so bad, that it hurt in my chest. My heart felt like it was actually breaking into a million pieces. Sometimes I’d wake up with an actual heartache. I could feel it pound in my chest as she broke it. But the worst part about it, was she didn’t even realize that she was doing it. She shattered it and made it whole at the same time.

    When we woke up the next morning, her house smelt like hash browns. No doubt, Arthur was making breakfast. She had everything she needed, deep down I knew, she never needed me. Was is pity? Maybe. All I know was what I was feeling would never go away. I just wish they had SA. Spencer Anonymous, cause the truth was I’m Ashley Davies and I’m a Spencer addict.

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