I could literally feel my insecurities take a hold of me. I knew it wasn’t true right? She loves me, but for how long? How long until my undeniable faults drive her away? Soon she’s going to realize she can do so much better or realize I’m not even worth her time. Either way, even if I’m just being insecure at the moment, it’s bound to happen at some point in time. All I’m doing is dragging along. When this is all said and done, something will come undone and re hatch and open wound that really, just never healed. I don’t personally know shit about psychology, and how the mind supposedly works, all I know is that I’m going to fall apart. I going to be broken, and there’s only one thing that’ll ever keep me sane, even if that thing overshadows my life. It’s all I have. It’s my only friend. So how could I give it up? My lip trembled without mercy begging for me to break apart into pieces. In the end, maybe I just can’t fixed.

My heart seemed to die in my chest. The pain was unbearable. Thoughts ran around my mind, twisting every little bit of hope I had. But then again, hope left me a long time ago. It left me sometime in my room when the darkness crept over and reached into my soul, taking with it everything I‘d ever understood. Now I’d give anything to just stop these racing thoughts and have them make sense. There was only one thing that ever made sense anymore. So how could I abandon the only reasoning and truth I’ve ever known? It’s never lied to me, never pretended to be something it wasn’t, it was the only thing I’d knew that would never leave me…

Reaching into my bag, I searched for my true best friend, shining in all of its glory. Pulling it out, I played with it, turning it over and over with my finger tips, retracing and remembering every time it sunk in. The glazed over look in my eyes, fogged over the pain, creating a thin layer of illusion to bury the truth.