If I Don’t Have You

It was only September when I realized that people should not be given second chances. Well, I guess grouping all people together is wrong, more like, people like Ashley shouldnt be given second chances. I guess you could say I’m a good judge of character. It wasnt that I didnt know who she was, just that I was too blind and  too much in love to realize anything.

It warps you. It’s strange how people have such effects on you. I believe that people make you who you are. It’s the actions of others that cause you to be the way you are.

"What do you want me to say, Spencer?" She looks up at me with those puppy dog eyes. It’s hard to look in them and be angry with her, so I usually attempt to avoid eye contact.

Her body is inching its way forward, trying to get me to ‘see her side’ I guess. I couldn’t. She was wrong, incorrect, it’s as simple as that.

With one quick movement, she has her arm around my shoulders and is stroking my long blonde hair. I cant understand what shes saying, because her voice is so low. I dont believe that she even meant for me to hear her words.

"I hate you," I tell her, and its the truth. I know people say that all the time without really meaning it, but this is different. I never thought I could actually hate this girl, but I do. I really and truely do.

"No you don’t."

I laugh loudly, and I think that shocks her because she jerks back a little. "No, Ashley," I begin as I get up, "I really really do. I wish you were dead so that I would never have to see your face."

If I was any more naive, I think I would have believed her expression. Her eyes werent welcoming anymore, just distant and cold, like ice or something. She has this strange gaze, and I dont understand it. What did she think? I was just going to forgive her after this. Think again, Ms. Davies.

I am no longer in her embrace, so she tries to get closer to me again, with her arms reaching out. What good will an embrace do anybody? Her holding me is fake, just like her. She’s all fake. Fake. That’s why I cant stand to look at her anymore.