Flashback to freshman year, first semester.

            “What the fuck Kate?” There she was; making out with Jim and acting like there was nothing wrong with that.

            “Oh, shit Ash. I’m sorry, I…”

            “Wait,” Jim interrupts. “Why are you apologizing to Ashley? Why the hell should she care who you kiss?” I walked out of the room. I couldn’t bear to see this and not even defend myself or our secret relationship. I heard Kate following me but I didn’t stop or look back.

            “Ash! Ashley can you just wait a second please?” I continued to ignore her until she caught up and turned me around to pin me up against the wall. “I’m sorry. It meant nothing. I didn’t know what else to do.”

            “Not kissing him would have been a start,” I say obviously.

            “Ash it’s not that easy. I couldn’t tell him why. I don’t even know what to think anymore,” she trails off sadly.

            “Why can’t you just be with me?” I plead with her.

            “It’s not that simple.”

            “It could be,” I reply.

            “Fuck Ashley! You’re not my girlfriend so stop treating me like it!” Her words stung. I felt like I couldn’t move, but my body was working without my brain as I hurriedly followed her into our room full of intensity.

            “Fuck me Kate?!” I yell at her. “Fuck you! You’re right, you’re not my girlfriend so why don’t you fucking sleep alone tonight!”

            “Fine I will! Or maybe I’ll see if Jim could keep me company.” Low blow Kate. I walked over to her angrily and stood inches from her.

            “Fuck you, Kate.” She slapped me across the face, shocking me and making me need her even more. I didn’t care about anything else anymore; she consumed me. I instantly locked our lips and didn’t stop kissing her frantically. I pushed her down on the bed with force and fell on top of her, continuing our frantic kissing. I needed to be with her and from the desperation pouring into her kisses, she needed me too.

            “I’m sorry Ash,” she mumbles between kisses. “I never meant to fall in love with you.” I barely freeze for a half a second while I tried to register her words. And that’s the mistake I made. I didn’t say it back. I wasn’t ready.