CHAPTER THREE

I stare at the phone. What had I been expecting? That Id talk to Tina and within minutes shed be back in my arms? I couldnt even get past Alice so how the ***** am I going to get to Tina? This whole thing seems so impossible. But then looking back now what I did seems so impossible.
I wander out into the garden and sit by the pool. I just want silence. Theres so much running through my head, so many difficult questions, but I cant think of a single answer. I dip my toes into the cold water. How long has it been since Tina, and I swam in here? I cant even remember the last time.
I remember the first time though. We had just finished decorating the new house, christening every room. The bedroom, the bathroom, the living room, the spare room, the kitchen, and finally the swimming pool. It hadnt been intended. It had been so hot that summer and we had gone into the pool to cool off. The sun had shone down on Tinas damp body like droplets of gold, and she had smiled at me with complete satisfaction. I wish I had a picture of that smile. Then our lips had joined, our bodies had entwined underneath the water, and I felt the lust fill me to the brim. Shed slid onto the pool side and Id slipped off her bikini bottoms. I hadnt thought about it at the time but anybody could have seen us. Neighbours, people passing, all they had to do was open their eyes in the right direction and they would have seen my hands secured against Tinas hips, her hands clutching at my hair while I made love to her.
The *****, even as infrequent as it had become, has always been amazing. Ive never had a more passionate and tender lover.
God I miss her. I miss just being able to call her and tell her how much I love her. I miss making love to her in our bed. I miss holding her while we sleep. I miss her.
As I look down into the clear water I know that my eyes are filling up. I must be a ***** to take so many painful trips down memory lane. Im losing Tina by the second and all Im doing is dwelling over it.
Erm…Bette? The quiet voice is unfamiliar to me. I look around to find Jenny nervously walking towards me. I have avoided people for so long. Ive ignored Alices calls, Kit, and Shanes visits, but strangely Jenny doesnt make me tense up like everybody else does. Can I…? She gestures towards the space beside me and I shrug. Thanks She sits down beside me, crossing her legs like a child. I heard about what happened… My head snaps away from her. …and I saw you sitting here, I thought maybe youd want somebody to talk to. Somebody whose actually going to let you talk?
I look up at her through my long lashes and she mimicks me. Did somebody send you? Because I told Kit the only person I need to talk to is Tina
Nobody sent me. Im here because you made the same mistake that I did, though mine kinda worked out better for me in the end. Not that, not that being apart is going to work out better for you! She sighs. When I came here I thought that Tim and I would be together forever. I moved here to be with him and things felt perfect until I laid eyes on Marina She shakes her head thoughtfully. The other woman, I understand why you let it happen, at least I think I do. Because I imagine that perhaps Marina is alot like this other woman? You dont want to want her but somehow she looks at you and you lose your way. I just want you to know, Ive seen Tina and shes a mess but I think Id bet my mind that she still loves you. You just have to clean a few things up
When did you see her? I blurt out.
Yesterday at the planet. Everytime someone walked through the door she would look up. I think maybe she was waiting for you I nod teary eyed. I hug my kneese to my chest, and try to hide my tears from Jenny. Ill…I should go now, but if you need to talk Im here, and if you dont want to talk to me then you have other people that care about you She touches my shoulder, and I thank her. I wonder if Jenny knows I hardly talked during that entire conversation? But shes right though, all Im doing is being talked to. I need to stop being so afraid. Ive made a mess of everything but Ive made a mess of everything with Tina, not with Alice or Shane or Dana or Marina. Its time for me to come out of hiding and face my fears.
I get up and walk back into the house. I think maybe its time to visit the planet.