(edited 5 Dec 2004)



Chapter One



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As Shane slouched into the bar she felt an odd sense of familiarity. The bar was not exactly stylish, but practical, and the lighting was dark enough to be able to slip quietly into a booth at the back and into anonymity if desired. An old wooden bar ran along one side, faded towels soaked in lost drops of alcohol hiding the stains and chips of much use. It smelt of stale beer and even staler cigarettes, the familiar smell putting the first smile on her face since she had glimpsed Cherie at the CAC earlier that night; this used to be her kind of place. It was just after 4.30am, so the crowd had thinned out some as the 6am closing time and sunrise approached. Most of those remaining were either too drunk to bother her, too wiped after hours of dancing at clubs that were now closed, or getting busy in those dark booths of anonymity.

She didnt give the other patrons more than a casual glance as she walked straight to the bar and flopped down on an empty stool. Fishing a crumpled cigarette pack from her jacket pocket she didnt see the bartender turn and look at her, her eyes widening in recognition. The bartender slowly approached, a smirk appearing. Well, Ill be damned, if it isnt the great ***** heartbreaker herself, and in my humble little bar. Getting a closer look at Shane her expression softened some. You look like *****, hun, whatcha got yourself into now?

Shanes head snapped up dazedly in surprise. She tried to focus on the approaching figure and it took a little effort, as the unidentified pills shed washed down with her emergency flask of bourbon in the truck were finally starting to take effect. Frowning slightly she tried to put together the womans features: slightly stout, short dark hair with a hint of grey, gaze a mix of wonder and worry. Paula?

Paula nodded, Yep.

*****, Shane hissed under her breath. All I wanna do is wallow in the utterly pathetic levels Ive sunk toaloneand I cant even get that right. She chuckled brokenly, even though she felt on the verge of breaking completely and the drugs were not proving nearly strong enough.

Gotta say, sweetheart, thought Id be dead and gone before Id see you back in here. Why did you come here, really, I mean you mustve known Id be here? Im always here.

Shane smiled sadly and looked down shaking her head. I know. Maybe it was the only place open, or maybe I have no sense of shame, or maybe I was hurt and just wanted my mom. Well, you know, the closest thing to a mom I could think of.

What, a washed up old dykey bartender who found a weedy teenaged twink hustler beaten to unconsciousness in the alley behind her bar years ago? Patched him up only to find out he wasnt a he, and decided to try and watch out for her, even though she makes it almost impossible and never comes to see me anymore?

Maybe she took a breath, her eyes still on the bar. Look, Paula I really dont want to reminisce about old times, or talk about my ***** life. I just want to get a drink or two and hide until closing then Ill get out of your hair. So can I get a Jack Daniels, double, ice, and a beer? Shane sighed and looked up at Paula, silently pleading with her to let it go.

Paula just shook her head. Sure, Im only good for patching up wounds I can see anyway. She turned to get the drinks then set them down in front of Shane, who fumbled to get her wallet out. Paula just waved her off. Dont worry about it, hun, you know I dont charge my family.

Shane stood up slowly, trying to steady herself before picking up the drinks. She looked up at the older woman, who just watched her with silent concern, mumbled her thanks and made her way to a booth on the other side of the room toward the back. Trying to ignore the moans and grunts of hurried drunken passion from the booth behind her, and the muffled chatter of other people, Shane slid into the empty booth and took a large swallow of the chilled spirit, not noticing the angry glare directed at her from the entrance.



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Having managed to manoeuvre Tina to the sofa Alice sat down, holding Tina as she clinged to her like a lifeline, trying to get a grasp on the events leading to this situation. She looked up at the white dry erase board, and there was the largest clue to the puzzle. CAhas to be the carpenter. Bette has a thing for Candace, no its a solid line not a dotted linewhich meansBettes sleeping, or slept with I guess, Candace. No! Bette wouldnt do that! Would she? Alice looked down at Tina who was still crying but softer now, somehow more defeated. God, why would she? She has what we all wantwhat I want. Alices eyes moved from Bettes name to hers and then she followed the steps to get from her to Dana. Four steps. She mentally drew in a dotted line from Dana to her, and then shook her head. God Im so stupid. *****, what was I thinking? Tina made a loud sniffing sound followed by a choked hiccup, drawing Alices attention back. And on top of that Im thoughtless, heres my friend in a mess, her world falling apart and I am playing around with fantasies of imaginary dotted lines.

Attention back on the situation at hand, Alice leaned over and grabbed a box of tissues and then gently pulled Tina back enough to see her face. Tina, sweetiehey Not really knowing what to say, and for once understanding she couldnt probe for info, Alice just gestured to the tissues with a slight smile, Here, sweetie.

Tina looked up at Alice like shed just realised she was there, and down at the patch shed created on her dress, choking back a sob she looked back up at Alice. Oh, AlIm sorryum She sat up slightly, sniffled and took the offered tissues. I justI didnt know whereum Tears that never really stopped spilt over again and she crumpled back into Alice weeping brokenly.

Hey, dont worry about it, you can cry on me all you want. She gave Tina a squeeze to reassure her. And you definitely did the right thing coming here, whatever the reason, its why you have a key. Tina mumbled a response but its too muffled to understand, leading Alice to prompt, What was that, sweetie?

With much effort Tina pulled her head up and looked at Alice, her voice was so soft and lost it sounded more like a whisper in the wind. Why would she do this, Al?

I dont know, T. If its what I think it is, it doesnt make any sense to me either.

I meanI know things haI mean, weve been a littledistant maybeGod, I dont know what I mean. She paused trying to order what she wanted to say, or even if she really wanted to say anything. I dont think Im ready to talk about this yet. She wiped her eyes and leaned back into Alices shoulder, breaking eye contact, her eyes open in awe and sadness, trying to grasp that this is all real.

Alice welcomed Tina back, wrapped one arm tightly around her shoulders in comfort and ran the other through her slightly sweaty hair. Its ok, you dont have to say anything, Ill be here.

Tina mumbled her thanks absently, her mind going over the events of the last few hours, days, weeks, months, trying to track back over what had happen, when it had started, how it had happened, and why. What had she done to drive her wife into another womans arms? I know I wasnt as attentive andbut god I lost a baby, our babyI might have been distant, but she was never there… Is this the first time? It has to be or I would have noticedBut I didnt notice this time until it was in my face… Oh god! How long has it really been going on? Cant be that long, she hasnt known her that longhas she?

Tinas sobs had quietened and her breathing had evened out, leading Alice to think she had slipped off to sleep. She relaxed her hold and leaned back into the couch a little trying to get comfortable. What the ***** are we going to do? All of a sudden Tina stiffened as a thought occurred to her, she snapped up to sit beside Alice, her eyes fixed on the other womans, while Alice tried to calm her racing heart. Tina, what? What is it?

She took the job at social justice, why would she do that? Tina blurted out suddenly, as if expecting Alice to understand the context.

Huh?

The carpenter, Tina explained, not wanting to say her name. She took the job at social justice, she knew who I was, and that she was ***** my New tears formed as she realised she couldnt actually bring herself to voice the fact. Why would she do that? Was she checking out the competition, internally gloating? God, I was nice to her, and all the time she What kind of person does that? Not only comes between a seven year relationship, but makes nice with the wife shes helping to betray, has she no morals at all? Tina got louder, angrier and more forceful as she got further into her rant, not seeing the tiny flash of guilt across Alices face. And Bette was so judgemental of the Jenny, Marina and Tim thing and she turns around and does this, she rationalised, looking at Alice for validation of her arguments, the other woman weakly nodded back with a small smile. Tina looked down and wiped her eyes again, then resettled back into Alices shoulder. The other woman shifted her focus to the dry erase board and zeroing in on Dana and the link to Tonya. She closed her eyes and tried not to cry.

Tina shifted slightly in Alices arms but didnt look at her. At least Marina seemed to love Jennyin her way, and Im fairly sure Jenny loves her. Doesnt mean I agree with the betrayal, but you cant help who you love, right?

Yeah, came the hoarse reply. You cant help who you love. Alices damp eyes opened, tracking back to the dry erase board and locked onto a single word. Dana.




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