What is going on over here? Marina touches Tina on the shoulder.

Hey Marina, Tina greets her with a warm smile.

Marina smiles at the group of ladies, Okay, what is so funny? Ive been busy with customers and every time I look over here you are all laughing so hard. What am I missing?

The girls all look to one another to fill Marina in. Bette and Alice both begin to speak, but Alices insistence pays off, Hold on there Porter, youve had your fifteen minutes, Its my turn, so you just pipe down, sit back and look pretty. Alice winks at Bette who nods her head in acknowledgement of her friends need to be the center of attention. Fine, but keep the story straight, I know how you writer types are, Bette addresses Marina in a jovial tone, See me later and Ill tell you the truth.

You know what, Shane interrupts them both, let me just take care of this quick and easy like or we could be here all day. Were sharing embarrassing stories Marina. Ms. Fairbanks and Ms. Perkins experienced a special moment last night in what they thought was a secluded booth in a bar. Some at this table were eye witnesses. Peering over at Dana, What? Dont give me that look, if Alice knows about it then everyone else will too by 5 oclock tonight.
Dana shoots a glare towards Alice, but is stunned to find her blonde haired friend with her fingers against her lips in the shape of a V flicking her tongue up and down. ***** you Alice! Dana spews, flipping her off.

Anyway, Shane readdresses Marina, We also learned that Bette and Tina got caught doing the nasty in a public shower stall when they were first dating, and our own little fence sitter, pointing a long finger at Alice, lost a bikini top to a truck full of testosterone and ended up wearing a wicked ugly blue ski jumper while riding in a convertible Thing. By the way guys, Shane scans the table, I have no idea what a Thing is really. Shane slides back in her chair, obviously pleased with her rundown, pops a stir stick between her lips and watches the group for reaction.

Marina studies the tables occupants; Dana, the dork du jour, avoiding any eye contact is fidgeting with her coffee cup, while Bette and Tina, the ever loving devoted couple are snuggled together looking pretty content with themselves. Alice is obviously taking pleasure in this exchange. This is her thing, stirring up the pot with her friends, while Shane, with her ever present smirk lazily watches the scene unfold in front of her.

So, Shane continues speaking around the stir stick clenched in her teeth, You may have shown up just in time, Removing the stir stick and waving it around for emphasis as she continues, apparently there is another story lurking in the shadows and if you can believe it, Alice has known about it and has never let it slip. Shane leans toward Bette and Tina, Ah, Ms. Porter, Ms. Kennard, do you have something you wish to share with the class? Bettes face flushes.

The group is quiet for a minute; all eyes are bouncing between Tina and Bette. Marina decides this is worth listening to and pulls up a chair, scooting between Dana and Alice. Well, if Bette or Tina would prefer not to share, Marina touches Alices arm, maybe you can enlighten us, since you seem to know all about it.

Tina speaks up, Okay, to be honest, I told Alice the story, but on the QT, the look from Tina to Alice clearly says Ill remember this, holding her stare, but since youve now ratted me out, I guess Ill be the one to tell the story. But, before I begin, I just want to know whos going to let me sleep on their couch tonight? Tina glances at Bette whose face reflects mock torment, and graciously smiles at Tinas joke.

Like this wasnt bad enough the first time, now I get to relive it, publicly I might add. Beautiful. Bette gripes.

Tina smirks and begins, Remember when I moved in with Bette at the condo? I was traveling a lot for work, sometimes weeks at a time. Usually Bette would be able to meet me for long weekends, but this one particular trip she was too busy with work and we ended up being apart for like two weeks straight.

Danas face lights up, Hey, I remember that. The night you came home you went out with us to celebrate my birthday. Al, remember, dirty dancing?

Alice, Marinas tone is teasing, who were you dirty dancing with?

Not even close Marina, Alice points across the table, it was the dynamic duo over there. Shocking I tell you, just SHOC-KING!

Bette beams seductively at Alice, Jealousy Al, it looks good on you.

Tina clears her throat and continues, Whatever, okay, pausing while looking at Shane, where was I?

Slumped back in her chair Shane removes the stir stick from her mouth again, The year you moved in with Bette in the condo, you traveled too much, Bette couldnt meet you on one of the trips and you were gone for like two weeks.

Oh yea, okay, since we couldnt to see each other we spent a lot of time on the phone together. Hours and hours probably

The group begins to trade side glances. Alice nudges Shane whispering, Ask what they were talking about, all those hours on the phone. Shane grins into her coffee cup.

Tina shoots Alice a cautioning glance, then continues, One night, actually the night before I came home, Bette had sent flowers, a bottle of red wine and the most amazing note to my room. Remember, she turns to Bette and they share a brief kiss, You are so romantic. Tina croons.

Dana groans, Barf, at the same time Alice coughs, Yack! The table erupts into laughter.

Bette looks at Shane for her input, Hey, dont look at me, I think its totally ***** cute.

Marina chimes in, Yes Bette, you know how to treat your woman. Obviously, gesturing with her hand around the table, there are others who could learn about the art of amore.

Tina continues, Anyway, it was so romantic. I called Bette that night from a hot bubble bath, as her note suggested, and then one thing led to another.

Oh, ***** no! Alice squawks loudly interrupting Tina, You are not about to gloss over this and skip the details babe. Okay, you know what Kennard, sit back and let me do my writer thing and fill in the color on this drab picture youve just painted. One thing led to another, pa-leeease? Are you new here?

Tina leans back against Bette in defeat, a comical look on her face, Go for it Al. Lets see what youve got.

Alice moves closer to the table, conveying Dana and Marina to move in with her, Tina was out of town for twelve days total. How do I know the exact number you ask? Because thats how many days I had to listen to Bette whine about not having her squeeze toy around. The group giggles and Tina leans harder into Bette, who plants a kiss on her hair.
So one night Bette plans a date over the phone. Remember, I knew nothing about this at the time. But she did pretty well on her own; she even went to the trouble of setting the atmosphere.

Dana shoots a confused look at Bette, Atmosphere on the phone?

Dane, honey, Alice jumps in, they had atmosphere in their rooms. Bette ordered flowers for Tinas room and had room service deliver a bottle of wine, ya know? Okay, so, Bette was in bed with romantic music playing and the lights down low awaiting Tinas call. Around 9:15 Tina called Bette from her bubble bath. The group emits a series of oohs and ahhs.

Bette leans forward attempting to catch Tinas eye, Jesus T, you didnt leave out any details did you?

So this phone call is taking place, Alice continues, Bette is getting Tina worked up, Tina is getting Bette worked up, and Im sure the hotel operator listening on the line is getting worked up, and then BLIP the phone line cuts out. Mind you, Tina is completely unaware of the problem, cause shes gettin busy under the suds.

Nice Tina. Squinting from across the table, Shane nods her approval.

Now, Bette doesnt call Tina back because the long distance phone call home is part of Tinas travel expenses, so Bette waits for Tina to call, Turning her attention to Bette, Pretty clever Porter, a very shrewd financial decision!

Bite me Alice, Bette snaps back jokingly.

Alice returns her attention to the group, When the phone rings again, Bette picks it up and immediately, without thinking starts talking dirty to who she believes is Tina, only to find out its Kit!

The entire table, including Tina, bursts into tearful laughter, while Bette looks on in misery, eyes rolling, lips pinched, just shear misery.

Tina takes a few deep breaths, Yea, but remember what I told you Kit said

I said, Kit chimes in from behind Tina and Bette, Are you and Tina having a little phone hanky panky?

The table again explodes into laughter. Shane, leaning too far back in the chair has to catch herself from toppling over.

Kit leans over kissing first Bette and then Tina on the tops of their heads, Little sisters, is this pack of lezzies giving you a hard time? She winks at the group.

Alice, still in tears is doubled over laughing. It takes her a long couple of minutes to catch her breath enough to speak again, Oh God you guys, because Bette was trying to save a buck or two she opted out of calling 976-*****-TINA and ended up talking dirty to Kit. ***** classic!

Bette gives Tina a loving shove on the shoulder, Jesus Tina you did tell her everything.