Three days passed since Bette had spoken to Tina and they were the three most exhausting days of her life. For some odd reason the CAC became extremely busy again with Provocations getting ready to leave for Mocha at the end of the month. Bette was up to her ears in paperwork and she hadnt had time to sit and think for more than five minutes at a time. When she wasnt being overworked at the gallery she was sitting at home trying to figure out what she wanted and who she was.

Bette believed that somewhere behind all the bad things that come her way lately, most of which she was responsible for, there was a silver lining. This situation with Candace had forced her to take another look at her relationship with Tina and she has never loved Tina as much as she loved her right now. Bette knew that Candace had been a distraction, a possibility filled with what ifs but thats all she was. The saying goes that you dont realize what you have until its gone and Bette realized how much she loved and cared about Tina. But that was not the real reason behind why she missed her. Bette realized that she felt like some part of her was missing. The part of her that made her complete and who was her shield from everything and everyone. The arms that held her tight, telling her that she was loved and adored without having to say anything. Tina had been her better half for so long now that Bette forgot what it felt like NOT to have Tina by her side. It was a lesson worth learning, and Bette saw that she had been given another chance to make things right with Tina.

Bette had also avoided going to the Planet for the past week because she didnt know how the rest of the group would treat her. But, after these past three days Bette decided she needed a good cup of coffee and a reality check. Time to face the firing squad, thought Bette as she pulled up in front of the Planet. She looked around but didnt see Tinas car so she decided that it might be an uneventful afternoon yet. Wishful thinking.

Bette walked in to the Planet and quickly scanned the room. She saw Shane, Dana and Alice sitting at their usual table but Tina was nowhere in sight. Bette put on her best fake smile and walked over to the table trying to gage everyones reaction to her. Alice gave Bette a reassuring smile as she said hi and motioned for her to sit down.

Bette looked at Dana and Shane in turn and she was surprised that she got such different reactions from both women. Dana was looking very uncomfortable and her food had suddenly become very interesting. Bette tried to catch her eye but Dana wouldnt look at her. Shane on the other hand, was looking at Bette like a scientist examining a rare plant. Bette raised her eyebrows at Shane and looked around the table as she spoke.

Okay, Im not that blind guys. Look if its making you uncomfortable Ill leave okay?

That last statement was directed at Dana but she didnt say anything and kept staring at her food. Alice nuged her slightly and when she finally looked up she looked surprised to see Bette.

Hey Bette.

Hey Dana. Everything okay?

Dont mind her. Shes just having pre-wedding jitters thats all.

This last remark from Alice was rewarded with a vicious look from Dana who just put her head in her hands. She suddenly got up to leave saying she was late for practice. At that moment Alice jumped up too saying that she needed to get back to the magazine and see if her latest story was okayed by her editor. Bette looked puzzled as the two women rushed off and she didnt know if it was just them being weird or if they really didnt want to be around her.

She looked at Shane half expecting her to make up some lame excuse to leave as well but instead Shane just leaned forward resting her hands on the table. She gave Bette one more quizzical look before deciding to voice her curiosity.

So whyd you do it Bette?

Bette felt another fight coming on and at the rate she was going she didnt know if she would have enough energy to get through the day.

Shane, I really dont want to talk about it okay?

Look, Im not judging you and Im not upset with you, well not too much at least. I just wonder why someone who seemed to have everything they wanted went and got something she couldnt have.

Bette looked at Shane in disbelief. Sometimes Shane had outrageous theories, and sometimes she hit it right on the nose. Bette didnt know if she should be discussing this with Shane, but Shane seemed to understand Bette and understand the situation so she decided she might as well.

I dont know Shane, I honestly dont know. From the moment I met her there was something about Candace that I just couldnt stay away from. It was like she was I dont know

A drug?

Bette smiled at this metaphor and she felt a sense of security in talking to Shane. She definitely had her share of tough times, and if anyone was going to understand irrational decision-making and stupid mistakes it was Shane.

Yeah, like a drug. Only I think I became addicted too fast and now Im in the detox stage.

Yeah, that part is never fun. Its like the whole time you are trying to get it out of your system you cant help but think if I could just have one more taste, one more high, Id be okay.

Bette didnt know if Shane was talking literally about drugs or if she was being metaphorical about something in her own life that was going on too so she decided to try and see if maybe Shane would open up to her.

Sounds like youve been there. So, if you dont mind me asking, are we talking about actually using drugs or is there something else?

Shane didnt answer Bette, but instead she looked away, into the distance, like she was replaying something in her head. Bette knew that feeling all too well and empathized with Shane.

Well, regardless, sometimes it takes those lows to understand the highs right?

Yeah, but sometimes the lows drag you too low and youre left with nothing.

Shane seemed to suddenly return to earth and the hazy look from her eyes was gone. She turned to Bette and in her usual calm and cool voice proceeded to verbalize almost every emotion that Bette had felt about Candace. Bette sat there amazed as she listened to Shane talk about her own personal liaisons, knowing all too well that Shane was really talking about her.

Its like how people just dont understand that sometimes its just about the moment. Not the life long love that everyone seems to be searching for, its the here and now. You meet a girl and you feel it. A spark, a connection, you feel the fire. You see her for the first time or maybe the hundredth time but for some reason, this is the time you want her. You know that you want to go home with her and find out why from the moment you saw her all you wanted to do was feel her, not in your heart but in your body. Literally.

Bette laughed at this comment and she gave Shane a knowing look as Shane continued speaking.

***** doesnt have to be about intimacy and connecting with someone and all that. Sure its great and mind blowing when it is, but sometimes, ***** is just ***** and some people dont get that. Its different from making love. Its not an act of caring or vulnerability. Its an act of passion. Its about lust and desire and the need to feel desired by someone. Im not one to preach on monogamy, but in my book, ***** and love are two completely different things.

Bette sat there stunned as she listened to Shane and she couldnt help but think to herself, this girl has been burned before. Bette knew that deep down, Shane understood Bette and why she did what she did. Bette felt a sense of relief after talking to Shane and she wondered if it had been anyone else who was talking to her this way if she would have listened.

Bette left the Planet a few minutes later since Shane had a ten oclock appointment and decided to try and go see Tina again. She wasnt going in to work until that afternoon, she told Franklin she needed a break, so she decided to go pick up some of Tinas stuff and bring it as a peace offering.

Thirty minutes later Bette stood in front of Alices door again remembering the last conversation she had with Tina. She felt her emotions running wild but she did her best to keep them in check, knowing that being irrational right now would only scare Tina away. She knocked on the door and breathed a sigh of relief when it was Tina who answered the door.

Hi.

Hi?

Tina seemed surprised to see Bette, but she didnt seem angry and Bette took that as a good sign. Tina motioned for Bette to come in and Bette followed Tina to the living room.

What are you doing here?

I brought you some of your stuff, figured Id save you the trip.

She held out the suitcase she had with her and Tina took it from her, not really knowing what to say. She raised an eyebrow at Bette and had a small smile on her face as she tried to figure out what Bette was up to. Bette decided she shouldnt let Tina wonder too long so she tried to explain why she was there.

Well, I was going to use it as a peace offering, but I guess thats not needed.

Tina smiled at her and Bette felt her heart melt seeing Tina really smile at her.

Yeah dont worry, no bloodshed today.

They laughed somewhat uncomfortably and Bette felt like maybe she should end it on a good note.

Well, I dont want to disturb you so I guess Ill be leaving. Is it okay if I call you tonight?

Tina looked at Bette like she was trying to make a decision and when she finally spoke Bette thought she would die from happiness.

Well, Alice, Dana and I were going to Milk, but why dont you join us?

Sure. What time?

Nine.

Okay, sounds good.

Tina didnt know if she had made a wise decision but she needed to see if she could handle being around Bette without the feelings of rage and jealousy manifesting themselves. Besides, I really miss her, thought Tina as she walked Bette to the door.

Bette knew that she needed to prove herself tonight and immediately she started thinking of how the evening would go so that she could plan it just so, but then she stopped herself. Easy Porter, one step at a time. Bette gave Tina one last smile as she left Alices apartment and on her way down to her car she barely felt her feet touch the ground. This is my chance, thought Bette, and this time she wasnt going to blow it.