Bette knew Tina had looked away while she talked because if she looked at Bette she wouldnt be able to finish what she wanted to say. Bette had been crying after Tina talked of Bettes need for someone else.and Bette cried more when Tina said how she felt safe yesterday. When Tina looked at Bette, streaks of tears were running down Bettes face. Tina had felt Bette crying but now looking at herher heart ached. The feelings were getting more tangled and yet it felt just rightholding Bettes hands and saying what she felt.

Bette didnt know if she could speak and Tina sensed that. She put an arm around Bette, who buried her head in Tinas shoulder.

Bette shifted a little and looked at Tina, who was trying to smooth Bettes hair and pull them out of Bettes face. Bette tried to smile.it was more like two holes in sand dunes around the two ends of her lips. Bette started softly: Before you know anything else I want you to know that you are my lifemy world.my heart belongs to you. Not for a moment have I stopped hurting for the fact that I hurt you.and more so because of the way I did it. When you walked out of the door that nightmy world stopped. There was nothing to live for, nothing to do and nowhere to be. And then I realized what I had. And what I had lost.

T, the day I saw you with Kyle.I thought I would collapse and I knew how you felt when you saw me withCandace. I never hated myself more. But, I was wrong, I hated myself more when I saw what Kyle did and it all started because I was too arrogant to come to you with my fears. I had been hurting so bad but wanted to be strong for you. The more I tried to run away from my feelings, the farther I got from you. I was failing to comfort you and I was failing to keep my feelings sorted. I wanted you so bad, to hold you and to be held by you. Everyday, I longed to just crawl into bed with you..to cry, to talkand I couldnt do it. It became such a vicious circle that I didnt know where to start, what was right and the more I tried to set it straight the more it got out of hand.

Bette took Tinas hands in her lap and held them tight. Bette: Candace meant nothing. I needed to find you and I looked desperately to stop that feeling. I was choking and it blew out of control with Candace. ***** with her was something out of control. And because out-of-control became real with that I felt relieved. Finally, I did something that was actually wrong. Instead of being afraid that I couldnt make something, anything right I did something wrong..I took therapy and I unveiled my fears to myself and now I am showing them to you. My heart broke when we lost our child. My heart stopped to see you cry like that. I broke down inside when Buckly insulted us. I was torn and lonely and I didnt know how to deal with that feeling. I can totally understand and I do agreeall of this put together doesnt justify my actions. You have every right to hate me or not trust me. But, just trust me on this one thing I am saying. Well, two actually.

I know I hurt you and youll never know how sorry I am. But, I never meant to. I honestly didnt. All I have ever wanted is to make you happy. But, Kyle.and there are others like her out there are sick. I want you to be safe. Please stay at the house. If you think you cant stand me being there, Ill move out. But, baby please stay. I beg youknowing you are safe is what I care for right now.

Bette couldnt look away now, she looked at TinaT, I never knew I was capable of loving someone as much as I love you. But, I took time to understand and know that I do. I am in love with you and always will be. T, I will spend this life making up to you.please know that I am sorry. I have changedbut if you are not thereit doesnt mean anything, because I wanted to change for you. You are my life TI am surrendering my heart and soul to you but I now understand that what you want is as much or maybe more important. And I will respect that. Just know, that I love you.

Tina pulled out her hands from Bette and walked over the cliff..she had never been in such pain.she had never felt so loved