Day 6
Dear T,
I wish you were today! Well, I wish that everyday! But, today is the first weekend without you. I had nothing to do..so I just sat in the house. All dayand night. I thought a lot. My shrinkmakes me do my homework and I had to think why I did .well,

Why was I unfaithful to you? Tina saw the break and imagined.
T, I was going insane. I wanted you to save me and I didnt know how to reach you. You had finally moved on.and I was stuck therewanting you to save me. I didnt know how to let go of our ..lost son..I didnt know how to be strong? I was going crazy with trying to be in control.of work, of grief, of us.and I wanted to be saved. I was loosing control and more I tried to gain control. And it cost me my life, you! How could I T? I think I hate myself more than you do, right now!
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Day 10
T,
I realized today how much you mean to me and how I have not you this enough. I feel like dying. I have been such a fool. I had another session today. It is like a revelation and you were rightI do need someone to pull my screws tight. I am doing this for me and also for us but I am so scared that there will be no us. I am so scared and today I have the courage to say that to youjust that I dont have you anymore. I really can die today!

.Day 20
I couldnt take it anymore. I thought I am forgetting your face and I couldnt stand the thought of it. I stood outside your office for three hours..then I saw you. Mg T, you are beautiful. I swear I felt my heart beatfirst time in three weeks. Or maybe it stopped beating. I could never tell you how every inch of me wanted to run to you, hug you, touch you..your gorgeous body, your golden hair.omg! I just froze. I am drunk as I write tonight. I ache I physically feel the ache from not being able to hold you. I dont care about sanityI am gonna stand and watch youeveryday! I cannot spend the days without seeing youI just cant!

.Day 45
T,
I saw a couple today in the gallery. They just held hands while they walked through the art. T, I miss you so muchI miss your eyes looking at me, I miss you holding me in the night..but most of all I miss holding your hand..
The page had a picture of their honeymoon.holding hands.

Tina read Bettes journey and when she reached the page of the day, she saw Bette at the Planet with Kyle.she knew Bette has changed. For her wife, Bette her changed. For her own selfBette had changed and she loved Bette.more than she had ever thought possible.


T,
Today I think I really know the painat least a part of it.I caused you. Seven yearsof love and passion and togethernessand I just blew it.Today seeing you with someone else.someone touching youI knew how it stings. Real bad!
I didnt go to work. It could wait. I just thought about you..I dont know with myself anymore. In these years and in these months all I have done is love you.I did hurt you too.more than once..but I dont know what to do nowbecause today is the first time it dawned upon me that you could find someone else.and be happy. And I think my world crashed with that thought.with that loss of hope. Baby, if I could just tell you one thing today..I will go on my knees and beg you and tell you.please give me another chance. Without you I am nothing. I am empty.

And then there was an empty page.the page where Tina started. The day which was the day Tina came looking for Bette. She had lived her journeyback home and now she had lived Bettes. Tina sat there crying and clutching the journal and the rings and the sun rose. Tuesday morning! In their home. Tina Kennard had fallen for her first love once again. She was again scared like the first time and she wanted Bette to save her. She looked up and saw Bette standing there..ready to hold her! Ready to cry with herand live with her.again!