Bette decided that she needed to get out of her house so she called Alice and asked her if she wanted to meet her for coffee. Alice agreed and fifteen minutes later they were sharing lattes and conversation at the Planet. Bette was hesitant to go there at first but then she remembered that Tina live about twenty minutes away now so if she were to be there someone would have known about it. Bette was feeling pretty good about herself lately and she knew Alice could see the difference in her. It wasnt any drastic or radical change, just little things that set her apart from who she used to be. Kit said Bette was finally growing up and out from under Melvins shadow, but Bette just told her she was crazy. Although Bette was feeling good about herself she had no idea how Tina was doing. She had only spoken to Tina twice this month and both times were uncomfortable and extremely polite. Weve done that before, she thought as she was driving to meet Alice. Bette knew that Alice loved them both and had done an unusually good job of remaining neutral, but Bette was ready for whatever Alice could tell her. Bette figured that Tina had moved on with her life, but she hoped there would still be a place for her in the future.

Okay Bette, what is going on? You said you wanted company and youve barely said like five words all morning.

Sorry Alice. I was just thinking.

About what?

Tina.

From the look Alice got on her face Bette felt she might not actually be ready for whatever Alice was going to tell her. Alice shifted uncomfortably in her seat before answering.

Look Bette, you know where I stand on you two. Im not playing telephone here.

I know Al. Its just that I havent talked to her in over two weeks. I just want to know how shes doing. Is she alright? Is she

Happy? Yeah Bette, I think she is.

Bette felt a sad wave wash over her as she thought about this. Tinas happy so I should be happy for her right? Well of course I should. But I just cant be happy for her unless I know she truly is happy. I should be the one making her happy. I USED to be the one to make her happy, until I fucked that up. *****. No, okay, I can be happy for her. She deserves a life too. These thoughts raced through Bettes mind but she gave her friend a small smile.

Good.

What about you Bette? Are you happy?

Bette looked down at her coffee. She didnt know how to answer that question. Yes she was happy with herself for being able to take this time and figure herself out and she felt like she had progressed from where she was a few months ago. But she wasnt happy because she didnt have someone in her life. And the only someone who would make her happy was Tina. Bettes voice was small and strained as she answered Alice.

I dont know.

Alice leaned forward and put her hand on Bettes forearm. Bette looked up at her and Alice could see the mix of pain and determination in Bettes eyes.

Bette, you have to let her do this. She needs to have her own life. Without that how can you expect her to have a life with you?

Bette didnt have an answer because she knew Alice was right. Bette wanted it all. She wanted to have time to find herself, deal with her inner demons, and still have Tina waiting for her when she was through. How could I be so stupid? she thought. That was too much to ask from anyone, let alone the one person I hurt, twice. Bette felt a million emotions running through her body but she fought them all down.

Is she seeing anyone?

I dont know.

Alice felt guilty for lying to her friend but she didnt feel it was her place to tell Bette about Melanie. Alice knew that Tina had been spending a lot of time with Melanie and she was pretty sure they were dating, but she held her gossip gene in check for Bettes sake. She felt like if she told Bette about Melanie that Bette might lose all her focus and do something rash. She didnt want to see Bette hurting but she knew that Tina needed to explore other options before she could take Bette back. Sometimes these things just have to happen, she told herself and Alice just prayed that whatever Tina was doing, it would lead her back to Bette.

Im sorry for putting you in the middle Al.

Its okay Porter, just dont expect me to start spying on her for you because thats where I draw the line.

Bette gave Alice a heartfelt grin as she playfully pulled Alice in for a hug. Bette knew that Alice wanted to see her and Tina work out their differences, but she just didnt know how to do that anymore. Bette felt that the tables had been turned and it was now her who needed to do the waiting. If Tina needed to spend time by herself to figure out what she wanted then Bette was more than willing to give her this time. But Bette just feared that Tina would use this time to meet someone else and fall in love with him or her. Which is worse? Bette didnt know. She did know that she was scared that she would lose Tina forever and she just couldnt let this happen. Her terms, her way. I can live with that. Bette knew that Tina wasnt the type to play games so if she was seeing someone it was not just to spite Bette. We fell in love once, and we can do it again. The only question is when? Bette spent the rest of the morning talking with Alice about Dana and their relationship and Bette felt her heart warm at the thought of these two together. They are such good people and they deserve each other, she thought. The only lingering thought Bette had was if the same could be said about her and Tina.

***
Tina was sitting at her kitchen table eating breakfast and reading the morning paper. She felt a sense of calm wash over her as she went through her normal Sunday morning routine. It had been one month since Bette stopped by her house and since then Bette has kept her distance. There had been so many days when Tina wanted to call Bette just to hear her voice or see how she was doing, but every time she reached for the phone she thought about what had transpired in the past few months and she always stopped herself. As the days went on Tina found it easier and easier to push Bette to the back of her mind, but she knew she could never push her to the back of her heart. Bette would always be the only one in her heart and Tina didnt know if this was a good thing or a bad one. She had been spending a lot of time with Melanie and she had really come to like this woman. Melanie was fun and exciting and Tina knew it was exactly what she needed. They had been out on more than a few dates and each time Tina always started off very nervous but by the end of the night she felt like she was with an old friend.

Tina wasnt ready to sleep with her yet and sometimes even just sitting in her arms made Tina want to cry. It had been so long since someone held her so close and gentle like that and Tina often found herself wishing it was Bette. But when she looked into Melanies eyes she saw something she never saw in Bettes eyes. Ease. It was just like everything Melanie did. Tina never had to fight with Melanie for control over a situation or demand respect like she did from Bette. Melanie was so simple and so fluid. She took control when she knew Tina wanted her to and she surrendered it when she knew she had to. It was as if she could read Tinas mind and this scared Tina a little. Melanie was never harsh with her or lost her temper when something didnt happen according to plan. Instead she went with the flow and always did the little things like tell Tina how amazing she looked or how beautiful her eyes were and that everything was going to be okay. Why couldnt Bette be more like that? Tina knew the answer to her own question. One of the things she loved most about Bette was idiosyncratic dominant personality. Bettes temper could rage out of control sometimes and she could be quite difficult when she wanted to be, but Tina knew that was all a faade. Tina knew that under all of her stubbornness and egotistical bullshit Bette was so fragile and so insecure. It was these things that Tina guarded and kept safe so that Bette could feel whole and respected. Well shes not mine to protect anymore, thought Tina as she ate her breakfast.

An hour later Melanie stopped by with some videos that Tina wanted to watch. They popped one in the player and soon were lost in the storyline. The one that they were watching was an old fashioned romance about two star-crossed lovers. Tina always loved this movie because it used to remind her of her and Bette. Tina decided it was time to tell Melanie about Bette so after the movie she flipped the TV off and sat up a little so she could look her in the eye.

Mel, I have to tell you something. Well actually I wanted to tell you about something.

Okay, whats up?

Remember how I said that I was in a seven year relationship and that things ended badly?

Yeah.

Well, I guess I want you to know what happened.

Tina grew uneasy as she thought about sharing her past with Bette and she didnt know how Melanie would take it. Melanie sat up a little straighter and gave Tina her undivided attention.

Wellwe, Bette and I, were together for seven years. I met her one night when I went to her gallery with my ex-boyfriend Eric.

Melanie gave Tina a small smile. She knew about Eric and that it had been a woman who stole Tina away from him. She didnt say anything and waited patiently for Tina to continue.

Anyways, after about three years of dating we finally got married. And we were lived together before that. The house that Bette lives in now is the one we bought together five years ago.

Tina paused as all the memories that house held flashed before her eyes. She could feel tears forming as she continued talking and held them in for as long as she could.

About a year ago I quit my job at Alphaville because we wanted a family. We tried for months and finally I got pregnant with a baby boy. Twelve weeks into the pregnancy I miscarried and things kind of went down hill from there. She was working late all the time and I was trying to get over the loss of our child. But anywaysum

Tina felt the tears falling as she thought about Bette and Candace together and she couldnt believe that after all this time she was still crying about this. She quickly wiped her tears away and took a deep breath before continuing.

About six months ago Bette cheated on me with a woman who she hired to work for her at the CAC. We split for a couple of months but then we got back together. We had only been back together for a few weeks when she told me that she couldnt be with me. She said she needed time to figure things out

Tina was too choked up to continue but at least she wasnt sobbing. She felt a single tear fall spill over and run down her cheek and when Melanie reached up to wipe it away Tina pulled back out of fear. Fear that Melanie might not want to be with her and fear that she might finally be able to move on. She had done the impossible, told Melanie about Bette, and now she didnt know what she was feeling. Melanie reached out and pulled Tina into her arms. Tina felt herself relax in Melanies embrace and she cried softly while Melanie just held her, not saying a word. After a few minutes Tina sat up and looked her in the eye. She was trying to figure out what Melanie was thinking and when Melanie finally spoke her voice was quiet and soft.

Tina, Im sorry for everything you had to go through. It must have been terrible and I cant believe anyone would ever do that to you. I told you I could give you all the time you needed to get past this and I still canbutdont take this the wrong way, but I really like you and I dont want to be some rebound thing or some attempt to even the score.

Melanie was looking down as she spoke to Tina and Tina felt her heart sink. She never thought of Melanie as a chance to get even with Bette and she was angry that Melanie even felt that way. Tina reached out and cupped Melanies hands with her face. She lifted her chin so that she could see her eyes and she had a small smile on her face as she spoke.

You were never those things. I like you too and I think, that given some time, I could move forward, with you.

Melanie had a lopsided smile on her face and she leaned in to give Tina a kiss. It was a soft kiss that spoke volumes about her love and affection for Tina. Tina knew that Melanie was too good of a person to play games with and she hoped she had made the right decision. Bette said it herself. It was never about me it was about her. Well, I hope she understands that this is about me.