Dana’s nose crinkled slightly as she listened to two young girls screetch in Russian, backed by a mixture of pop and techno beats.

“Who did you say they were?” Dana yelled over the music.

“What?” Alice yelled back, eyes slightly glazed. They were both seated on the couch, a little slumped over and very much stoned. Alice pulled back on the teeny weeny joint between her fingers, holding the smoke in as long as she could stand before exhaling directly into Dana’s face. Dana coughed once, but didn’t move. “You want any more Dane?”

“What?” Dana yelled back. Alice attempted to roll her eyes, but they only seemed to make it half way before she gave up. She picked up the black remote that lay balanced across her ***** for some reason, and hit the PAUSE button. The music stopped at once.

“I said, you want any more Dane?”

“Oh.” Dana looked thoughtful for a moment. “Nah. It’s not good for me.” She giggled. “Al?”

Alice took another hit before stubbing out the butt on the ashtray that was balanced on her thigh. Wow, she was so talented, she just amazed herself sometimes, balancing all these things, like a table. “Yeah, like a table.” She mumbled.

Dana giggled again, heaving herself sideways until she was leaning heavily on Alice’s shoulder. “Al?”

And now I’m balancing Dana too, she thought sighing deeply. “I’m like Karma, I balance things. Oh my God Dana, I am Karma.”

“Al?” Dana was convulsing slightly, unable to stop giggling. “Al? I loooove you.”

Alice sat up suddenly causing Dana to fall between her back and the lounge with an “Oomph.”

“Oh my God Dana!” Alice stood up, running/stumbling over to where the Eurovision cd lay, picking it up and squinting at the song listing on the back. Dana just lay sprawled on the couch, grinning madly and playing with the fabric of her t-shirt.

“I really like my shirt Al. It’s really soft and…” Dana sat up abruptly. “Jesus ***** Christ Al, what was in that joint?” She shook her head groggily.

Alice ignored her. “I knew it! The Russian chicks are t.A.T.u!”

“They’re.. what? Oh Al, I don’t feel so great…” Dana let out a long breath.

“t.A.T.u! Teenage Russian pseudo lesbians!”

Dana’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

Alice made her way back to the couch. “Yeah yeah, they’re like 16 and make out and stuff while they sing. Or something.”

Dana suddenly felt better. “But you said pseudo right?”

Alice waved her hand. “Oh who knows… oh oh let’s look them up!” Alice got up again, ran/stumbled into the guest bedroom and emerged a few seconds later with her laptop. Dana had the Eurovision cd booklet in her hands and was studying the pseudo lesbians picture rather intently.

“Love Bette and her wireless internet.” Alice mumbled as she booted up her laptop.

“I like the redhead.” Dana suddenly announced.

Alice scoffed. “You would.” She was typing something furiously.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Alice looked up from the laptop triumphantly. “Nevermind Dana, we have lyrics!”

______________________________

Shane found them, an hour later, staring intently at Alice’s laptop and attempting to sing along to some horrible music she couldn’t yet identify. She stood in the doorway just watching her friends, Alice dancing in her seat and Dana looking utterly bewildered but trying her best to sing along.

Shane ambled over to the cd player, and pressed PAUSE. Alice and Dana kept singing for a few seconds before they realised the music was gone, stopped, looked at Shane and screamed.

Alice jumped up. “***** Shane!” She ran over and gave her a hug. Shane awkwardly patted her on the back.

“You a little out of it Al?” Shane said pulling away from the hug and looking into Alice’s rather blood shot eyes. Alice just grinned.

“Welcome to the casa de *****!”

Shane just shook her head. Dana stood up, a little wobbily on her feet, walked to Shane and grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Shane.” Dana said solemnly.

“Dane.” Shane said somewhat amused.

“I love you.” Dana suddenly grinned. “Shaaaaaane.”

“Love you too Dane.” Shane chuckled. ” I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and say you guys started without me.”

Dana began to make her way towards the kitchen. “I’m so hungry…” She mumbled. Alice perked up at this, following close behind her. Shane shook her head, shrugging out of her jacket and threw herself onto the couch in front of Alice’s laptop. She saw the Russian words, two young girls in school girl uniforms in a somewhat intimate embrace, and sighed, leaning back into the couch. “I just don’t want to know. I just don’t want to know.”

______________________________

Bette surveyed the room. It seemed, cozy. There was a fireplace, that was a bonus. And a huge bed. Plus, the grounds of the retreat were just gorgeous. But something, something wasn’t right.

“…oh my God I’m from L.A. too! Where abouts are you, because we should so meet up after the week’s done!”

And there it was. Bette sighed deeply, they’d arrived only half an hour ago and already someone was hitting on Tina. She strode over to where Tina was being kept in awkward conversation by what appeared to be one of their neighbors, and slinking an arm around Tina’s waist, turned her attention to the woman intruding upon them.

“And you would be?” Bette asked, all smiles, yet her eyes screaming ‘Leave us alone or die, *****.’

The intruder took a slight step back, her own smile faltering a little before sticking her hand out. “Stella, Stella Harver. I’m in the cabin next to yours with my partner, Jasmina.”

“They’re also from L.A, sweetie, isn’t that just funny?” Tina said smiling from between gritted teeth.

Bette raised her eyebrows. “Oh how lovely.”

Stella, Stella Harver, looked Bette up and down somewhat appreciatively. “I’m a casting director actually. Have you ever considered acting? Modeling? Because you both…” Suddenly a voice cried out ‘Stella!’. Stella, Stella Harver, stopped mid sentence and rolled her eyes. “Well that’s my Jasmina calling, see you two around then?” She winked before stepping out of Bette and Tina’s cabin.

Bette leaned forward, “Not if there’s a God.” she said smiling charmingly before practically slamming the door shut.

Tina laughed. “Oh sweetie.” She leaned into Bette, kissing her gently. Bette leaned her forehead against Tina’s, sighing.

“I thought this was meant to relax us.” Bette groaned a little as Tina just smiled.

“Mmmm I can think of a way to relax you.” Tina kissed Bette’s neck gently, then used her tongue to trace small circles just below her ear.

Bette started laughing. “You know that tickles.” She pulled away as Tina grinned evilly.

“Mmm I know all your ticklish spots.”

Bette started to back away as Tina raised her hands, fingers poised and ready to pounce.

“Tee, no, don’t…” Bette managed to get out before the backs of her legs hit the bed, she fell on to it, and Tina jumped on top of her, fingers digging into her ribs. Bette was laughing madly, on the verge of squealing. “Stop! Stop!”

Tina relented, laughing. Moving her fingers to a more productive task, she started to undo Bette’s shirt, lips finding a particularly tasty collarbone as Bette stopped laughing, sighing contentedly.

“Has anyone else ever made you squeal?” Tina mumbled, making her way down past Bette’s bra and settling on her stomach.

Bette’s eyes closed. “I do not squeal.” Her hands came up to play with Tina’s hair as Tina looked up at her.

“Uh huh.” She said before dipping her tongue quickly into Bette’s navel, making Bette laugh and squirm.

Bette opened her eyes, and gently guided Tina back up to her face, kissing her softly. “But you’re the only one to make me come close.”

Tina brought her hand up, brushing hair out of Bette’s eyes. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

Bette ran her hands down Tina’s side, bringing them back up under Tina’s shirt, rubbing small circles on her back and sides.

“Oh I think I have some idea.”

Tina smiled and closed her eyes, her left thigh nestled between Bette’s legs. She applied a little pressure, enjoying Bette’s quick intake of breath.

“How about I just show you?” Tina began kissing her way down Bette’s body again, reaching her pants and easing her out of them.

“Oh Tee… Oh God.” Was the last coherent thing Bette would be saying for quite some time that night.

______________________________

“So you’ve got this whole house for a week?” Dana said as she stared blankly at the television.

“Yep.” Alice answered, involved in the TV program.

Shane took a hit off the joint she was holding, then took another and another before passing it to Alice who waved it off. Shane shrugged and took another hit, not bothering to even ask Dana if she wanted any more, the tennis player satisfactorily stoned out of her mind.

“What about your apartment?” Dana reached down, scratching her calf, her eyes never once leaving the TV screen. They were seated next to each other, slumping and leaning and hadn’t moved for around two hours.

“What about it?” Alice moved her tongue around inside her mouth, noting how thirsty she was and how utterly unmotivated she was in getting up and quenching it.

“If you’re here, then who’s there?”

“No one.” Alice was really needing a drink. It was starting to inhibit her breathing. Oh god, she couldn’t breathe!

“Oh.”

Shane moved to stub out the joint on the ashtray that was balanced on Alice, having to reach over Dana to do so thus moving in front of Dana’s line of vision of the television. Dana swatted at Shane, causing Shane to miss the ashtray and instead get Alice’s thigh. Alice screamed and jumped up, the butt falling onto the couch.

“Oh ***** Al!” Shane scrambled to stand up, Dana still swatting at her not realising that Alice was screaming and jumping around in pain.

“MotherfuckingpissbarbrastreisandFUCKSHANE!” Alice screamed running into the bathroom, Shane running after her.

Alice furiously splashed cold water onto her thigh, as Shane apologised profusely, before running back into the kitchen and grabbing some ice.

Dana continued to stare at the television. “Shane can you bring me those little carrot sticks? And cake. Do we have cake?”

Shane fumbled the ice container, it falling to the floor causing ice to spill everywhere. “No Dana, there’s no ***** cake!” Grabbing a paper towel and scooping up some ice she dashed back to the bathroom.

“Here here, put ice on it!”

Alice howled.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry Al let me see it, is it bad?” Shane threw the ice into the sink when Alice made no move to grab for it.

“Is it bad? Shane, you’ve burnt a ***** hole in MY FAVORITE ***** PANTS!” Alice was breathing heavily. Her fury vanished momentarily. “I can breathe again.”

Dana appeared in the doorway. “I’m going to go buy some cake. You guys want anything?”

Alice was suddenly pissed again. “Yeah, how about some UNBURNT PANTS?!”

“Cool, you Shane?” Dana’s eyes were barely open, and she seemed to be swaying slightly.

Shane looked flabbergasted. “Dana, for one, it’s midnight. Two, you’re way too stoned to drive. Three,” She turned to Alice. “What the ***** was in that joint? And four,” She turned back to Dana. “Four, Alice has a hole in her thigh.”

Dana giggled. “Gee Al, disfigured much?”

Alice opened her mouth to say something sarcastic and bitchy, but a strange smell had reached her nose. “What’s that smell…”

______________________________

They all stood helpless, immobile, in front of the couch they had moments before been sitting quite comfortably on. A large hole had been burnt into the cushion Alice had been occupying, there was ash and marijuana butts spilled all over it and a still lit stub was merrily burning it’s way further and further into the cushion.