“Since we’ve been apart, I’ve told her I love her so many times and that I’m sorry.  I get nothing from Tina.  She’s never been so reserved with me,” Bette commented to her psychiatrist, Suzanne O’Brien in her latest therapy session.

“Don’t you think she’s hurting still?”

“Of course she is.  I’m perfectly capable of understanding Tina’s pain.  However, there’s nothing I can do.  I wish I hadn’t slept with Candace.  It’s been six weeks.”  When she finished speaking, she chewed nervously on her lower lip, a habit she had picked up recently.

“Bette, you can’t control this.  You can’t flip a switch and make Tina want to be with you.  She might very well choose to continue life without you. That’s a reality you’ll need to think about,” Suzanne posed a scenario that had yet to be broached in their sessions.

“I can’t begin to consider that.”

“Let’s talk about control for a few minutes,” Suzanne suggested thoughtfully.

“I’m well aware that I like order, like for things to move smoothly,” Bette began as she lightly dusted an invisible bit of lint from her faded Frankie B vintage jeans.   “Order has kept my life functioning.  It’s when I’ve strayed from order that everything goes awry.  I need my closet color-coded, I need to know that my assistant, James is on top of the office and as aware of what’s happening as I.  I need to know when I get home from work that Tina is there, waiting for me.”

“And what happens when those needs aren’t met?”

“Look at me.  I feel disjointed from myself, my world.  I know you therapists are big on coping mechanisms and what people do to get through their day.  Control is my coping mechanism.  When there is control, then all is right with the world.  It’s my nature.”

“And when you met Candace, how did you decide to give up that control?”

“I didn’t decide.  I fought it.  It just happened,” Bette corrected.

“There was this attraction and you made no conscious decision about pursuing it?  You say that you fought this; that you went back and forth, weighing the consequences; you struggled with this moral dilemma, and in the end you were somehow overpowered?”