TINA & BETTE

“Damn you Bette.” Tina sobbed again. “Why did you have to show me this way?”

Tina’s tears were uncontrollable now. Bette just knelt in front of her, confused…and absolutely terrified of the way Tina was reacting. She was confused because Tina had been standing in front of the painting with tears of joy streaming down her face. Bette could see the love in Tina’s eyes as she had reached out to Mary’s face. She was terrified because Tina was now reacting the complete opposite of how she had hoped she would. ‘What if Tina doesn’t want this…her…their baby? What if Tina no longer loves…but…I know she loves me.’ Bette knew she had not misinterpreted Tina’s feelings outside of Alice’s apartment. ‘So why is she so upset with me?’

“Tina, I don’t understand.”

“Why did you have to…oh Bette! You can’t do it this way. You can’t persuade me to come back like this. This (she waved at the painting) is something that if we were still together, would have filled my heart with joy. But, we are not together.”

“But Tina, what about earlier…the daisy…what we both said?”

Tina was gaining control of herself. She reached forward and trailed her left hand down the side of Bette’s face, first stopping and slowly tracing her eyebrow, then moving down and softy gliding her fingers over Bette’s lips.

Bette was paralyzed by Tina’s touch. She didn’t dare move, willing Tina to continue.

“Bette, I love you with all that I am. I love you now and forever. I want to be with you so much it physically hurts, but I will not put myself, or you, in a place that neither one of us is ready for. I can’t look into the eyes of our child,” Tina lowered her voice, “of Mary, when I am not sure if she will even be in our future. I can’t let myself fall in love with her,” Tina started crying again, “because if I do and it doesn’t happen, my heart will be broken again. I don’t think I could take that Bette. I don’t even know if I can trust in you…in us again. How can you expect me to trust in your dreams?”

Tina stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. “If you and I have any chance of being together again, we are going to have to look back before we can look forward.”

Bette was crushed by what Tina was saying. She had so believed that if she could somehow show Tina what she was dreaming every night, that Tina would see how clear their path was. ‘Damnit Bette! You pushed her too fast.’ This is just the thing she would have done before she met Candace. Trying to take control and guide people in the direction she wanted them to go. Why did she have to do this with the one person she didn’t want to be this way with? She thought she had conquered her control issues with Candace.

Bette dropped her head so it was just hanging from her shoulders and closed her eyes. “Tina, I know we have things to work through. I know we do…otherwise we will end up right where we were before Candace even entered the picture. But, at least we will be starting from a place where love already exists. Please baby…” Bette took a long slow breath and lifted her head. “Please Tina, let me show you that being with me is the right place for you.”

Before Tina had a chance to censor herself, she said, “Oh God Bette, I don’t think I can take any more of your show and tells.”

Bette looked into Tina’s eyes and even though Tina was smiling, her eyes held sadness all around the edges. She reached out and pulled Tina into her arms. “God T, I’m so sorry the painting is painful for you. It hurts my heart that you feel that way. Please believe me, that was not my intent at all. I wanted you to see it because, for me that painting represents everything I want for my life. When I look at it and see you and Mary, I…” Bette started to cry. “it makes me want to be a better person, not just for you, but for me as well. But if it is painful for you, I will take it down.”

Tina couldn’t control her feelings for Bette any more. She lifted her up off the floor… with a side thought that Bette’s knees were really getting a workout these last couple days…and laid back on the couch, bringing Bette with her.

They were laying side by side facing each other. With all the love she had in her heart Tina said, “Baby, you don’t have to take the picture down. This is your home, it’s your dream. Keep it wherever you need it to be. Maybe someday I will feel the same way about the painting, but right now, I just can’t go there.”

“This is your home too T.”

“Not right now it’s not…and that’s OK. Keep the painting up baby.”

Bette reached out and touched Tina’s cheek grinning from ear to ear. “You just called me baby.”

Tina smiled back at her. “Yes, I did.”

“I know you asked me not to, but does that mean I can call you baby again?”

Tina started laughing. “What are you talking about Porter? You know as well as I do that my request has not stopped you from calling me that.”

Bette looked at Tina with a perplexed look on her face. “It hasn’t? Well, I have been trying really hard not to call you that.” Bette shrugged her shoulders. “So…can I?”

Pushing aside a stray thought about regretting this in the morning, Tina leaned over and gave the woman she loved the softest, sweetest kiss she had. “Anytime.”

Bette put her arm around Tina’s shoulders, moving her so that Tina’s head was resting on Bette’s heart. “Oh baby, I love you so much.”

They laid like that, forgetting about dinner, just feeling the love flowing between them, until they both drifted off to sleep. Bette’s dreams, for the first time in months, were not about Mary, but some art show she was trying to get Franklin to agree on. There was some up and coming artist that had a series of paintings that featured Carmen Maranda, with a hat not of fruit, but of daisys….huh?????

Tina drifted off to sleep dreaming about being at a birthday party for Mary. Everyone was there in the backyard. Tina and Bette were staring lovingly across the deck at each other, when all of a sudden Candace was there walking over to Bette, pulling her into her arms and passionately kissing her.