I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was the small TV opposite the bed I have been sleeping on. I closed my eyes again. I am already depressed and I knew I couldn’t get up, and the day wasn’t ten seconds old. I turned on my back… Well- that could count as my exercise for the day. I pulled the blanket over my head, inhaling the scent of her. Good. More exercise. Now, perhaps the day would go away.
           She had been missing for a week. She hadn’t been to school, she’s not in her apartment – I should know, I’ve been sleeping here ever since she went missing. Spam doesn’t know where she is, not even Principal Hall. Seems like she had disappeared into thin air. The last day she was in school, a woman came to see her and then, she was gone.

           I realized now what I wanted, more than anything, was to have her back. Back here, lying in this lumpy bed. I want her arms around me. I want to open my eyes and see her brown ones looking down at me. Now there is only her empty pillow lying beside me. I reached out for it and nestle it against my chest, trying to imagine as if it was her I am hugging.

           I think I should get up and take a shower. I am too tired to stand and my body is too limp to be safe in a bathtub. Then again, the idea of rolling under a tub full of water and dying was not altogether an unattractive one. Except for the part about breathing the water in. That would hurt like a *****. I hate to get water up my nose.

           If only I had sleeping pills – lots of them and the good kind, the kind that kills you. None of that over-the-counter Sominex stuff that gives you diarrhea. The only thing I found in the medicine cabinet was a half-empty bottle of Nyquil. Hey, stop being so negative – the bottle was half full or had been till I got my hands on it.

           I got up from the bed and reached for my sweatpants – well, they were hers actually – and slipped into them. As I pulled the waistband up over my legs and thighs, I realized those were the thighs that she had stroked a few weeks ago. A hot tear, and then another one, escaped from under my right eyelid and immediately coursed down my cheek and into the crease beside my nose. I miss her… God, I miss her…