It stained his cloths, but it stained my mind. Images I would never escape from, it was inevitable. Like something eating me alive from the inside, I could see the image tear away at my heart. It was something that no matter how hard I tried, I’d never forget.

I don’t remember my initial shock or my first reaction to the sight. Spencer’s lifeless body hung in Aiden’s arms. My girl hung in Aiden’s arms. I don’t remember the car ride to the hospital or how I got blood on my cloths. All I can remember is looking at her face and not being able to see her blue eyes. The eyes that I used to get lost in, lost in her. I remember cradling her head whispering to her that she was going to be ok, that she couldn’t leave me, that I loved her. I remember pushing away strands of blond hair out of her face and replacing them behind her ear, and starring at the cut that never seemed to stop crying. I remember tears falling, but I don’t recall where they landed.

By the time we got to the hospital, I didn’t want her to leave my arms. Aiden carried her inside, while I followed besides him. As soon as we stepped inside, she was taken out of Aiden’s arms and put into a cycle of white coats, a cycle where all I could do was wait…

If the shock wore off, I wasn’t aware of it. Thoughts plastered themselves to my skull, too messy to deal with right now, I pushed them all aside. All I wanted was to see my Spencer. Aiden sat in the waiting room with me. He had called Kyla, who was on her way. After that, we never said a word to each other. Silence screamed throughout the room. Nightmares came alive and seared my mind, but I choked down the fire and I swallowed the pain.

I never liked hospitals. You never see someone overly joyed to go to one, unless they’re certifiably insane. The sterile smell and the white walls give me chills. All this false sense of security made my skin itch, how they tried to establish it through these magazines and chairs, like you weren’t waiting for worst scenario to come alive and destroy the one person that every truly mattered to you. You were always waiting for news. I hate just waiting for the answers. All you can do is sit in this uncomfortable seat, shift you legs at random, and wait for news that never seems to turn out the way you want it to…