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Best For Me – (Chapter: Love is not a victory march, it’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah)
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“Please” Spencer was imploring now.
“Spencer go away, I can’t do this.”
“Don’t be ridiculous Ashley, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone this upset, how could you think I’d leave you like this?” Spencer bit her lip. “Tell me what’s wrong, whatever it is, we’ll sort it out… together.”
Oh god. Spencer really hoped that no one had died because that probably meant they couldn’t sort it out. Oh. God. This was the point that Spencer usually realized she’d stuck her foot in her mouth. It was something she was rather good at, as her brothers liked to point out. She winced slightly at the thought, and then brought her attention round to the girl in front of her.
“Ashley” Spencer gently but firmly caught the musicians chin in her hands and brought the forlorn face around to meet her gaze. “Ashley, tell me what’s wrong.”
“No, you’ll hate me.” Spencer couldn’t help but smile, she knew she’d broken through by the slight petulant note in the girls voice. It reminded her of the look that Elly got sometimes when she knew Spencer was going to win an argument.
“You know I won’t. You know I could never hate you.”
“Ok, maybe that’s true… but you should, and I shouldn’t be around you.” Ashley turned her head away, the bitterness in her voice seeping onto the bathroom floor and making haze. Spencer cupped Ashley’s face in her palms and slowly wiped a tear from the corner of the beautiful girls eye. “Ashley, if I did something wrong and I’ve upset you, you need to tell me what it is?”
It was a daring plan. Either Spencer had done something wrong, in which case she wanted to know what it was and fix it, or alternatively, she hadn’t. In which case she hoped that the brunette would protest so loudly over the fact that she would have to volunteer what was actually wrong just to get Spencer to believe her. It was quite a devious plan actually. If Spencer hadn’t been so determined to find out exactly what was wrong with her friend then she might have taken some pride in it.
“No! God no Spencer this is nothing you’ve done,” Phew. Score one for Spencer, not entirely her fault. Now to find out what was actually going on. “Spencer, it’s me ok. I’m the problem. You shouldn’t be here, you… you don’t know who I am.”
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Clom’s from Oz…I don’t think she’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving. :) But I’ll eat an extra piece of pumpkin pie for her anyways.
You are an exceptional writer. You want to know how I know? I know because while I was reading this story I happen to be listening to this very sad ass music, and not even on purpose. When I got to where Ashley said she used Spencer, little tears trickled out of my eyes. When I got to the part where she was sobbing to Lisa to forgive her my eyes kicked it up a notch. When Ashley finally confessed to what was making her feel so terrble, about what she actually did to Lisa, Buckets were literally pouring from my eyes. And THAT is how I know you are one HELL of a writer. “Sad Ass Music + Great Reading Material = Crying” *Sobs Into Arm* I love you man, I LOVE YOU! And yes, I know you aren’t a man.
i would just first like you to know that i refused to leave the house until after i read this. Wow. is about all i can think of. just wow. you make me speechless, utterly speechless. well..i suppose i better leave now..das getting pissy. i loved it. and i cant wait until the next update. :]:]:]
aaahh, sad man
I must be a wimp today but man this update had me balling! I’m still crying…sheesh. And here I thought Zee’s story got to me, this one…heartbreaking. Thats all I can say right now. I need to compose myself and then I’ll have a better response.
Clom’s from Oz…I don’t think she’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving. :) But I’ll eat an extra piece of pumpkin pie for her anyways.
You are an exceptional writer. You want to know how I know? I know because while I was reading this story I happen to be listening to this very sad ass music, and not even on purpose. When I got to where Ashley said she used Spencer, little tears trickled out of my eyes. When I got to the part where she was sobbing to Lisa to forgive her my eyes kicked it up a notch. When Ashley finally confessed to what was making her feel so terrble, about what she actually did to Lisa, Buckets were literally pouring from my eyes. And THAT is how I know you are one HELL of a writer. “Sad Ass Music + Great Reading Material = Crying” *Sobs Into Arm* I love you man, I LOVE YOU! And yes, I know you aren’t a man.
i would just first like you to know that i refused to leave the house until after i read this. Wow. is about all i can think of. just wow. you make me speechless, utterly speechless. well..i suppose i better leave now..das getting pissy. i loved it. and i cant wait until the next update. :]:]:]
aaahh, sad man
I must be a wimp today but man this update had me balling! I’m still crying…sheesh. And here I thought Zee’s story got to me, this one…heartbreaking. Thats all I can say right now. I need to compose myself and then I’ll have a better response.
omg that was so incredibly sad that i felt goosebumps on my arms just reading it. so ash was masking her own pain by taking care of spencer? what ash did was horrible, but she’s just human and human is fallible. i believe spence will be the super spence we know and love and will be there for ash. another tug wrenching masterpiece from you mate!!!
omg that was so incredibly sad that i felt goosebumps on my arms just reading it. so ash was masking her own pain by taking care of spencer? what ash did was horrible, but she’s just human and human is fallible. i believe spence will be the super spence we know and love and will be there for ash. another tug wrenching masterpiece from you mate!!!
OOOOOOOO!!!! OMG!!! Yeah, so i already knew that was gonna happen, but it still shocked me. That just proves you are a good writter. If i can know that something is going to happen, but im still shocked. then just WOW! Part of me wants to be upset with what ashley did and part of me wants to be understanding. I just wonder how spencer is going to take it. what would happen if spencer got sick? what if…what if… what if ashley really is a hipopotomous?? OMG! lol j/k. But you honestly did an EXCELLENT job with this chapter. I am proud to call you my older cyber sister! lol Love ya, so PMS.
OOOOOOOO!!!! OMG!!! Yeah, so i already knew that was gonna happen, but it still shocked me. That just proves you are a good writter. If i can know that something is going to happen, but im still shocked. then just WOW! Part of me wants to be upset with what ashley did and part of me wants to be understanding. I just wonder how spencer is going to take it. what would happen if spencer got sick? what if…what if… what if ashley really is a hipopotomous?? OMG! lol j/k. But you honestly did an EXCELLENT job with this chapter. I am proud to call you my older cyber sister! lol Love ya, so PMS.
OMG! I have to know Spencer’s Reaction,will she wish Ashley was really a hippo,will she understand that Ashley didn’t know how to deal. Now how will I sleep not knowing. You are great and your story is awesome and you must update it soon.
OMG! I have to know Spencer’s Reaction,will she wish Ashley was really a hippo,will she understand that Ashley didn’t know how to deal. Now how will I sleep not knowing. You are great and your story is awesome and you must update it soon.
i just want to say that this was great. when i was away for a few weeks, i had my mobile with me, i love your story so much that i get the net on my phone and was reading your updates cause i love it!! cept i couldnt comment.. but yeh i love how you have written this and taken it slow and let the story come into its own :) Pms
i just want to say that this was great. when i was away for a few weeks, i had my mobile with me, i love your story so much that i get the net on my phone and was reading your updates cause i love it!! cept i couldnt comment.. but yeh i love how you have written this and taken it slow and let the story come into its own :) Pms
yaaaaaaaaaaay brilliant! PMS.. I love the development of this story, it doesnt jump around randomly and not go together, it all works really well :)
yaaaaaaaaaaay brilliant! PMS.. I love the development of this story, it doesnt jump around randomly and not go together, it all works really well :)
so, this doesn’t explain why this has suddenly all come to a head. an anniversary of her death? her birthday? why this sudden breakdown right after sleeping with Spencer? is she worried she’s going to do something similar when Spence has the baby? so many questions, so long to wait before you post again, damnit! It’s great that we’re now seeing how Ash’s life is when she’s not with Spencer – obviously she’s trying to be something that she’s not used to being when she’s around Spence, and she was bound to crack eventually. very dark ;-) more soon please uberclom! Jx
so, this doesn’t explain why this has suddenly all come to a head. an anniversary of her death? her birthday? why this sudden breakdown right after sleeping with Spencer? is she worried she’s going to do something similar when Spence has the baby? so many questions, so long to wait before you post again, damnit! It’s great that we’re now seeing how Ash’s life is when she’s not with Spencer – obviously she’s trying to be something that she’s not used to being when she’s around Spence, and she was bound to crack eventually. very dark ;-) more soon please uberclom! Jx
Oh my dear Sarah…please don’t worry about me and some crazy expectations you have erected for yourself. That usually leads to dishonest writing. Which leads into my feelings about this update. I mentioned earlier how writing is such a wonderful medium, because we take from it what personal experience allows us. Someone mentioned that they had predicted what had happened to Ashley. And yes, we could all probably narrow it down to a few horrid things that could have occurred in Ashley’s past. But, the specific reason why Ashley is in pain and how this in turn effects her relationship with Spencer is what you have interestingly crafted. Ash’s pain is on a myriad of levels, each threatening to her relat. with Spencer, yet also open to healing.A few years back, I began speaking to a woman I always saw on the bus on the way to work. She was sweet, but her smile always seemed pained. I asked her to coffee one afternoon, as I was curious about her. What she told me was so tangibly devastating, that I use the emotions that surfaced within me when I write or act. Ten years prior, when she was 27, she had a few drinks at a work party and drove home. Three blocks from her house, she missed a red light, and struck another car. She killed a mother and her two daughters, 8, and 10 yrs old. Her lawyer managed to get her three years in minimum security prison in Fort Worth, Texas. After her release, she began volunteering everywhere: kennels, homes for the elderly, rape crisis centers…she would fill each day tending to the helpless and such on hand and foot, forcing herself to care every second, even when she was tired, sick, whatever. This went on for a year. One evening, she had just finished reading A Farewell To Arms to a blind man at the hospital. He thanked her kindly and touched her hand, saying it was people like her that made him get up every morning. That night, she went home and had a breakdown. I remember this woman eyed me intently as she sipped her coffee and talked. I asked her about the guilt. Is that what caused her breakdown? She told me it was because she was a liar. Everyday, she tried and tried to just smile and help, smile and help. That if she did this, it meant she cared for these people. Even the ones that yelled at her or were unappreciative of her efforts. If she cared, she was a good person. She used them to escape…and she just couldn’t do it anymore.I wonder what it would be like to kill someone and have to live with it. I wonder what it would be like to love someone with all your heart, watch them slowly fade away, only to have the last looks on their face, one of the recognition of betrayal. How would one deal with the aftermath? I know that the fight of my life would be to eventually allow someone to love me; to get past the guilt and pain, and just live. Ashley can’t is moving forward right now. It seems like she’s not, but I believe her to be. Yes, she is using Spencer. She fell in love and doesn’t feel that that is deserved. She told herself everynite after meeting Spencer that her acts of help and assistance are because she is a good person. Every day she asks Lisa for forgiveness through Spencer. She loved Lisa and is falling in love with Spencer. The guilt and shame outweighs it all. But, I believe Spencer is the one. She’s the catalyst, the angel of change for Ashley. At some point she has to forgive herself. The emotions Ashley must feel are plentiful. She is so torn and so helpless, and you have articulated this so well with this update. Incidently, I never saw the woman again after we had coffee. She was never on the bus again. I wonder if she found peace after our meeting. Or if she just couldn’t face me. But…I want to believe she had realized her mistakes and was taken steps towards acceptance. Or so I hope. And so I hope for Ashley.You rock, m’dear…
Oh my dear Sarah…please don’t worry about me and some crazy expectations you have erected for yourself. That usually leads to dishonest writing. Which leads into my feelings about this update. I mentioned earlier how writing is such a wonderful medium, because we take from it what personal experience allows us. Someone mentioned that they had predicted what had happened to Ashley. And yes, we could all probably narrow it down to a few horrid things that could have occurred in Ashley’s past. But, the specific reason why Ashley is in pain and how this in turn effects her relationship with Spencer is what you have interestingly crafted. Ash’s pain is on a myriad of levels, each threatening to her relat. with Spencer, yet also open to healing.A few years back, I began speaking to a woman I always saw on the bus on the way to work. She was sweet, but her smile always seemed pained. I asked her to coffee one afternoon, as I was curious about her. What she told me was so tangibly devastating, that I use the emotions that surfaced within me when I write or act. Ten years prior, when she was 27, she had a few drinks at a work party and drove home. Three blocks from her house, she missed a red light, and struck another car. She killed a mother and her two daughters, 8, and 10 yrs old. Her lawyer managed to get her three years in minimum security prison in Fort Worth, Texas. After her release, she began volunteering everywhere: kennels, homes for the elderly, rape crisis centers…she would fill each day tending to the helpless and such on hand and foot, forcing herself to care every second, even when she was tired, sick, whatever. This went on for a year. One evening, she had just finished reading A Farewell To Arms to a blind man at the hospital. He thanked her kindly and touched her hand, saying it was people like her that made him get up every morning. That night, she went home and had a breakdown. I remember this woman eyed me intently as she sipped her coffee and talked. I asked her about the guilt. Is that what caused her breakdown? She told me it was because she was a liar. Everyday, she tried and tried to just smile and help, smile and help. That if she did this, it meant she cared for these people. Even the ones that yelled at her or were unappreciative of her efforts. If she cared, she was a good person. She used them to escape…and she just couldn’t do it anymore.I wonder what it would be like to kill someone and have to live with it. I wonder what it would be like to love someone with all your heart, watch them slowly fade away, only to have the last looks on their face, one of the recognition of betrayal. How would one deal with the aftermath? I know that the fight of my life would be to eventually allow someone to love me; to get past the guilt and pain, and just live. Ashley can’t is moving forward right now. It seems like she’s not, but I believe her to be. Yes, she is using Spencer. She fell in love and doesn’t feel that that is deserved. She told herself everynite after meeting Spencer that her acts of help and assistance are because she is a good person. Every day she asks Lisa for forgiveness through Spencer. She loved Lisa and is falling in love with Spencer. The guilt and shame outweighs it all. But, I believe Spencer is the one. She’s the catalyst, the angel of change for Ashley. At some point she has to forgive herself. The emotions Ashley must feel are plentiful. She is so torn and so helpless, and you have articulated this so well with this update. Incidently, I never saw the woman again after we had coffee. She was never on the bus again. I wonder if she found peace after our meeting. Or if she just couldn’t face me. But…I want to believe she had realized her mistakes and was taken steps towards acceptance. Or so I hope. And so I hope for Ashley.You rock, m’dear…
awww this was so sad! poor Ash :-(. the story however is amazing! Spencer wont blame her at all
awww this was so sad! poor Ash :-(. the story however is amazing! Spencer wont blame her at all
Holy drama batman! That was great. Poor Ash…it’ll get better now. Talking about it always helps…Spencer rocks. Ash needs a dose of Mr. R and Elly…and Spencer :-)
Holy drama batman! That was great. Poor Ash…it’ll get better now. Talking about it always helps…Spencer rocks. Ash needs a dose of Mr. R and Elly…and Spencer :-)
WHAT?! Woah, Clom! Didn’t see that coming! Didn’t expect to see this when I showed up to work this morning, either! How horribly sad, Sez. You break my heart. Thank God Ash has Spence to help her through this. And thank God Spence has an Elly and a Mr. Ruffles to help. You know, my first thoughts when I saw Ashely despondent were that she had horrible guilt over a lost pregnancy. Like maybe she had gotten pregnant with Aiden and gotten an abortion instead of having a miscarriage. I thought the guilt maybe finally surfaced in seeing Elly and Spencer pregnant and all that jazz. The cancer story came out of left field, but definitely is devastating and fits into Ashley’s story and past well. It explains a lot. Does it explain why she’s a music therapist? Because old Ash doesn’t seem the type to spend her time helping the sick. Is this her penance to Lisa? And did that penance somehow bring her to Spencer?? What a deliciously woven story. I need to go cuddle my woman now…but I’m at work. Dang nabbit! At least I’ll see her for the next 4 days – WOOT! Give the Cloobers a cuddle for me.
WHAT?! Woah, Clom! Didn’t see that coming! Didn’t expect to see this when I showed up to work this morning, either! How horribly sad, Sez. You break my heart. Thank God Ash has Spence to help her through this. And thank God Spence has an Elly and a Mr. Ruffles to help. You know, my first thoughts when I saw Ashely despondent were that she had horrible guilt over a lost pregnancy. Like maybe she had gotten pregnant with Aiden and gotten an abortion instead of having a miscarriage. I thought the guilt maybe finally surfaced in seeing Elly and Spencer pregnant and all that jazz. The cancer story came out of left field, but definitely is devastating and fits into Ashley’s story and past well. It explains a lot. Does it explain why she’s a music therapist? Because old Ash doesn’t seem the type to spend her time helping the sick. Is this her penance to Lisa? And did that penance somehow bring her to Spencer?? What a deliciously woven story. I need to go cuddle my woman now…but I’m at work. Dang nabbit! At least I’ll see her for the next 4 days – WOOT! Give the Cloobers a cuddle for me.
Aww thats sad it reminds me of the L word Im close to crying now
Aww thats sad it reminds me of the L word Im close to crying now
:'( thats really all i can say right now,…
Oh, and mad props for using Leonard Cohen again in the title. It made me smile in Circles and made me smile again here. You know I prefer the Jeff Buckley version, but that’s okay. :) I’ll just pretend you intended the Jeff Buckley version. Perfect song for this update, too.
:'( thats really all i can say right now,…
Oh, and mad props for using Leonard Cohen again in the title. It made me smile in Circles and made me smile again here. You know I prefer the Jeff Buckley version, but that’s okay. :) I’ll just pretend you intended the Jeff Buckley version. Perfect song for this update, too.
man…you’ll have to forgive me, but that update was so deep, it’s going to take me all day to get out of this gaping crevice in the earth that i’ve found myself in (excuse the echoing). i felt it all…you wrote it beautifully. i could go on, but it would just be shameless ego stroking…you rock!
man…you’ll have to forgive me, but that update was so deep, it’s going to take me all day to get out of this gaping crevice in the earth that i’ve found myself in (excuse the echoing). i felt it all…you wrote it beautifully. i could go on, but it would just be shameless ego stroking…you rock!
What a wonderful surprise to find two posting from you…Your writing just seems to get better and better. Your postings are defintely in the top 6 of authors I am looking for when I come to the site. Your fanfic writing seems so different than how you write when you post comments or replies to discussion. Well I love it…keep writing…and I love how you post often because it is so hard to wait to read the next chapter:)
What a wonderful surprise to find two posting from you…Your writing just seems to get better and better. Your postings are defintely in the top 6 of authors I am looking for when I come to the site. Your fanfic writing seems so different than how you write when you post comments or replies to discussion. Well I love it…keep writing…and I love how you post often because it is so hard to wait to read the next chapter:)
Wow oh my god. I`m so sad. Poor ashely i feel for her. I`m glad spencer is there for her. PMS
Wow oh my god. I`m so sad. Poor ashely i feel for her. I`m glad spencer is there for her. PMS
Wow that chapter was amazing, pure emotion! I have to say i didn’t see that coming at all, but it was a great in sight into ashley’s past life before spencer. Cant wait for the next chapter, im sure spencer will be supportive =] update soon!
Wow that chapter was amazing, pure emotion! I have to say i didn’t see that coming at all, but it was a great in sight into ashley’s past life before spencer. Cant wait for the next chapter, im sure spencer will be supportive =] update soon!
whoa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just b there and listen spence
whoa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just b there and listen spence
Wow. I thought Ashley cheated on Spencer. Would it be cheating though? Anyway, I loved the last two chapters. I’m glad Spencer thinks of Ash as the mother of her children. That’s so sweet! I just wish she’d tell her that because Ash is going to lose it. I hope she doesn’t give up on spencer and stands by her stand through the pregnancy. Spencer probably is afraid to tell Ash see feels that way, though. Maybe she doesn’t want to burden her. I’m surprised to hear about Lisa. i almost thought Ash was “using” her to hurt Liv…Thank God thats not the case. Please post more soon. This story keeps getting better and better;)
Wow. I thought Ashley cheated on Spencer. Would it be cheating though? Anyway, I loved the last two chapters. I’m glad Spencer thinks of Ash as the mother of her children. That’s so sweet! I just wish she’d tell her that because Ash is going to lose it. I hope she doesn’t give up on spencer and stands by her stand through the pregnancy. Spencer probably is afraid to tell Ash see feels that way, though. Maybe she doesn’t want to burden her. I’m surprised to hear about Lisa. i almost thought Ash was “using” her to hurt Liv…Thank God thats not the case. Please post more soon. This story keeps getting better and better;)
oh my word!!!! please update soon im left in pain here!!!
oh my word!!!! please update soon im left in pain here!!!
i know that i wasnt suppose to read this until, well, life gets settled. but i um couldnt sleep and wanted to be entertained. and you did that fabulously. this was such a heart wrenching piece. i feel so like Spencer. in every way. except i dont have a kid nor am i with one. but just the being there the hold Ashley while she cried. the being. so close to home right now. so beautiful and so real as to what i experienced two days ago. i’m keeping my promise to you. i’m not reading the next one until, emotion and life stables and death isnt so recent in my world. today was such a fantastic day. and though this is deep full of angst it was still worth the read. like all of your stuff. aslkdjfa;dj pencer on Sunday, i flashed back to my position as Ashley (teehee) last night. you capture human essence so well. i never want to hear you all me the better writer again. I cant even begin to express these types of emotion. they are to real and personal for me to let go of. you my dear are a Champion. 143
i know that i wasnt suppose to read this until, well, life gets settled. but i um couldnt sleep and wanted to be entertained. and you did that fabulously. this was such a heart wrenching piece. i feel so like Spencer. in every way. except i dont have a kid nor am i with one. but just the being there the hold Ashley while she cried. the being. so close to home right now. so beautiful and so real as to what i experienced two days ago. i’m keeping my promise to you. i’m not reading the next one until, emotion and life stables and death isnt so recent in my world. today was such a fantastic day. and though this is deep full of angst it was still worth the read. like all of your stuff. aslkdjfa;dj pencer on Sunday, i flashed back to my position as Ashley (teehee) last night. you capture human essence so well. i never want to hear you all me the better writer again. I cant even begin to express these types of emotion. they are to real and personal for me to let go of. you my dear are a Champion. 143
buggar me. part of what i said magically disappeared. so i’ll try again. after the sdflkajf;la what i said was—-thats what i have to say cause i dont know the words to say. this updated cause me to flash back to my position as Spencer on sunday…and the rest in there is waht i ssaid next….so justthat little bit vanished.
buggar me. part of what i said magically disappeared. so i’ll try again. after the sdflkajf;la what i said was—-thats what i have to say cause i dont know the words to say. this updated cause me to flash back to my position as Spencer on sunday…and the rest in there is waht i ssaid next….so justthat little bit vanished.
Ok, I reread last chapter again and I made a mistake. (Yesterday I read Best Of Me from the beginging for the second time) I thought Spencer was thinking of Ash as the mother of her kids. I just read that line and got excited;) I can’t wait til they’re living like the Brady’s……well, not the Brady’s but some Hot Mama’s! Are you gonna break for the hoiliday;( Please post more before you do.
Ok, I reread last chapter again and I made a mistake. (Yesterday I read Best Of Me from the beginging for the second time) I thought Spencer was thinking of Ash as the mother of her kids. I just read that line and got excited;) I can’t wait til they’re living like the Brady’s……well, not the Brady’s but some Hot Mama’s! Are you gonna break for the hoiliday;( Please post more before you do.