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Best For Me – (Chapter: You know I’m on fire)
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“So what does this mean to you then? Every since I told you about Lisa you’ve been walking on eggshells Spencer. I don’t even know what you want from me, or what it is I am to you!”
“You’re everything Ashley! Every fucking good thing I’ve ever wanted. I’m so in love with you I can barely breathe.”
Oh hell. Oh, hell oh hell, oh hell. In a handbasket, with ribbons, sliding straight down the rocky path to the fiery lava pits that would consume their souls any second.
“I love you too.”
Ashley sat down, staring at her fingers as she flexed them, like she couldn’t quite believe they were real. Spencer sat next to her, wearily leaning her head on the brunettes shoulder and closing her eyes tightly against the hot, angry tears that were threatening to spill. “I hate this” she whispered.
“Loving me?”
“No. I hate that it changes nothing.” Spencer said bitterly.
“How can you say that?” Ashley lifted the blonde’s head up a fraction and wiped away the stray escapee tear from her cheek. “It changes everything.”
“It doesn’t change us” Spencer whispered. “I can’t… I can’t be anything more than we are now. It’s too hard.”
Ashley pulled away. She didn’t look angry, a little sad perhaps, but not angry. Leaning forward on her elbows, the sharp edges jutting out into her knees she nodded. She understood. “Your family.”
“My life.” Spencer spat with some disgust. “I’m due to give birth in three weeks to a man my lawyer is currently writing divorce papers to. He’s suddenly decided to become a decent dad and start keeping his promises, and I have a four year old daughter who’s probably going to start having major problems with the green eyed monster any minute now.”
“And I’m just another complication. I get it. Now would probably be a bad time to come out and tell everyone about this whole other life you want to have.”
Spencer put a hand on Ashley’s arm. “You don’t get it.” She looked her in the eyes, her blue irises boring deep into chocolate brown warmth. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I don’t give a damn what my parents think, or what Gray thinks, or what the world thinks. If they didn’t like it, they can all take a flying jump. What I care about is you.” She took a deep breath. “I have never in my life given myself to someone completely. Never. And I could do nothing less for you. With you. And I don’t have anything to give right now.”
“You have you Spencer. That’s all I want.”
“I don’t! I don’t have me! Everyone else has me. Right now, I can barely make my life function as it is. Ashley, I want more than anything to be with you. But I can’t give you half of me. Or some of me. It has to be everything, or I can’t do it. And right now, I can’t give you that.”
“I understand.” Ashley leaned her head on Spencer’s blonde tresses, drinking in the sweet raspberry smell of her conditioner and letting her hand come to rest on the slender knee next to her. “If it happens… it happens. When it should. When it can. I won’t wait for it. I can’t wait for it, because if I do that, then all you are is my redemption. I can’t do that to you.”
“I understand.”
And everything and nothing changed.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! What was that? Foul. Off sides. Injury to the player. Out of bounds. WTF!!!! Okay, you’re awesome and i love you….but this chapter made me sad. WHY? Why did you do this? *sniffle* They have to be together and happpy and….together in every possible way!! Gah, they have to end up together. PMS
Wow Clom. That was deep. Super Deep. DEEP with 2 syllables. I’m in awe at the deepness of this update. It puts the depth of the ocean to shame. When I finished reading this I whispered daaaamnnn… What I’m wondering is what is that deep sentiment that Spencer couldn’t define? I guess it was just to huge to get a proper look at it and thus was undiscernable. Oh yeah. I feel like an idiot for taking ur comment the wrong way. I thought you were poking fun at me. Everyone does it so I just assumed. I didn’t really think you would actually be complimenting that little line. I was so stuck when I wrote that. It’s amazing what shows up when you look under synonoms. It’s truly amazing. Kinda like you. You are astonishing. Whenever I think you can’t surprise me, you do. I had no idea Spencer would confess her love, and I also had no idea that it wouldn’t change anything. It was disappointing and fufilling at the same time. They’re still stuck in suspension but plans are being laid down to get them out. Foundation my dear. It’s the key and you are the damn prison ward with a ring full of them. Plus I love how Spencer is a whale! Hah. I laffed. So funny. You mentioned how Ashley pulled her legs up under her chin and all I was thinking was “Spencer can’t do that, she’s humongous”. You just have to love my thought process. Please update soon. Also…realize that even if you were making fun of my line, idc. I enjoy that kind of thing. Next time make fun of my punctuation use or something. Do you want me to be the first to do it? ok, here goes: “Oh hell. Oh, hell oh hell, oh hell.” I know it probably wasn’t intentional but if you read it according to the commas it turns into hilariousness of epic proportions. I have to love it. If you don’t love that get somebody to check your pulse. :) PMS!!! Much love.
wowowowowowowoowoow! well, this chapter does progress these two a little bit! atleast they both finally fessed up about the l-o-v-e! now all they have to do is some l-o-v-i-n-g! jk, great update, keep it up
how beau-iful. no, seriously, i loved it.
arrgh. i am sweetly adickdead to this storyline. i think its hitting a lil too close to home for me. and i have to say when i saw that u posted 28 days i couldnt help but feel jealousy stirring. i thought you were calling it acorns on “being best for me.” but then i realized no matter, ur tha siit!!! and look you came through. by and by
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! What was that? Foul. Off sides. Injury to the player. Out of bounds. WTF!!!! Okay, you’re awesome and i love you….but this chapter made me sad. WHY? Why did you do this? *sniffle* They have to be together and happpy and….together in every possible way!! Gah, they have to end up together. PMS
Wow Clom. That was deep. Super Deep. DEEP with 2 syllables. I’m in awe at the deepness of this update. It puts the depth of the ocean to shame. When I finished reading this I whispered daaaamnnn… What I’m wondering is what is that deep sentiment that Spencer couldn’t define? I guess it was just to huge to get a proper look at it and thus was undiscernable. Oh yeah. I feel like an idiot for taking ur comment the wrong way. I thought you were poking fun at me. Everyone does it so I just assumed. I didn’t really think you would actually be complimenting that little line. I was so stuck when I wrote that. It’s amazing what shows up when you look under synonoms. It’s truly amazing. Kinda like you. You are astonishing. Whenever I think you can’t surprise me, you do. I had no idea Spencer would confess her love, and I also had no idea that it wouldn’t change anything. It was disappointing and fufilling at the same time. They’re still stuck in suspension but plans are being laid down to get them out. Foundation my dear. It’s the key and you are the damn prison ward with a ring full of them. Plus I love how Spencer is a whale! Hah. I laffed. So funny. You mentioned how Ashley pulled her legs up under her chin and all I was thinking was “Spencer can’t do that, she’s humongous”. You just have to love my thought process. Please update soon. Also…realize that even if you were making fun of my line, idc. I enjoy that kind of thing. Next time make fun of my punctuation use or something. Do you want me to be the first to do it? ok, here goes: “Oh hell. Oh, hell oh hell, oh hell.” I know it probably wasn’t intentional but if you read it according to the commas it turns into hilariousness of epic proportions. I have to love it. If you don’t love that get somebody to check your pulse. :) PMS!!! Much love.
wowowowowowowoowoow! well, this chapter does progress these two a little bit! atleast they both finally fessed up about the l-o-v-e! now all they have to do is some l-o-v-i-n-g! jk, great update, keep it up
how beau-iful. no, seriously, i loved it.
arrgh. i am sweetly adickdead to this storyline. i think its hitting a lil too close to home for me. and i have to say when i saw that u posted 28 days i couldnt help but feel jealousy stirring. i thought you were calling it acorns on “being best for me.” but then i realized no matter, ur tha siit!!! and look you came through. by and by
waaaaaaaaaaaaaah what happens next?!? PMS! Last 2 updates were great :D
waaaaaaaaaaaaaah what happens next?!? PMS! Last 2 updates were great :D
well well well. that was a long time coming. so profound and so simple at the same time. so loving and there and in the moment and eeirly similar to…well so many things. I love writing that touches heart strings. slowly gently plucking at them. creating a unique tune to the life of the reader. You do that with every word you write. You’re unbelieveable and i’m proud to be your rebel scamp.
well well well. that was a long time coming. so profound and so simple at the same time. so loving and there and in the moment and eeirly similar to…well so many things. I love writing that touches heart strings. slowly gently plucking at them. creating a unique tune to the life of the reader. You do that with every word you write. You’re unbelieveable and i’m proud to be your rebel scamp.
Grrr, Spencer you dick! Ah well, at least they’ve finally ‘fessed up – hopefully they’ll grow up a bit and get together, or rather maybe Spencer will get over herself and do the one thing that will make her happier and everything else that little bit easier for her! Oh, the Jx is generally how I sign everything – my name, Josh(therefore J), followed by an x (a kiss, if you like!) – usually put it at the end of text messages, but hey! why not put it here too, as it’s a similar concept! Oh and the sexuality as fluid thing, I know, understand the concept, and am nicely practiced at it – it just gets nicely complicated when the object, or rather subject (I’m not objectifying her ‘cos I’m not a twat of a man), of your affection is as messed up as you are… kinda like Ash and Spence this fic! I have a way of getting involved with headfucks, too, I think I have a self-destructive personality, lol. I’m looking forward to more posts – maybe when Spencer finally gives birth, Gray doesn’t show, and Ash is left ‘holding the baby’ so to speak, it’ll all just seem right and they’ll connect and it’ll kick off from there?! who knows!? oh, that’s right… you do :-P Jx
Grrr, Spencer you dick! Ah well, at least they’ve finally ‘fessed up – hopefully they’ll grow up a bit and get together, or rather maybe Spencer will get over herself and do the one thing that will make her happier and everything else that little bit easier for her! Oh, the Jx is generally how I sign everything – my name, Josh(therefore J), followed by an x (a kiss, if you like!) – usually put it at the end of text messages, but hey! why not put it here too, as it’s a similar concept! Oh and the sexuality as fluid thing, I know, understand the concept, and am nicely practiced at it – it just gets nicely complicated when the object, or rather subject (I’m not objectifying her ‘cos I’m not a twat of a man), of your affection is as messed up as you are… kinda like Ash and Spence this fic! I have a way of getting involved with headfucks, too, I think I have a self-destructive personality, lol. I’m looking forward to more posts – maybe when Spencer finally gives birth, Gray doesn’t show, and Ash is left ‘holding the baby’ so to speak, it’ll all just seem right and they’ll connect and it’ll kick off from there?! who knows!? oh, that’s right… you do :-P Jx
what noooooo!! i dont get it? why cant they be together? havent they been giving each other everything? arghh i havent seen two people who so deserve to be together, are NOT together!! ok mini rant over. i totally love this. and that line “I am not your redemption Ashley.” wow! brilliant!! they are in such a shaky ground. and one little push is all it takes to break the fragile bond. i cant imagine what will happen when gray becomes more involved and when the baby is born.
what noooooo!! i dont get it? why cant they be together? havent they been giving each other everything? arghh i havent seen two people who so deserve to be together, are NOT together!! ok mini rant over. i totally love this. and that line “I am not your redemption Ashley.” wow! brilliant!! they are in such a shaky ground. and one little push is all it takes to break the fragile bond. i cant imagine what will happen when gray becomes more involved and when the baby is born.
That was just woah! Loved it, “I’m so in love with you I can barely breathe.”” the way Spence just blurted it out was =0 I think there’s a way to go before they can be together, but i think it will totally be worth it, they’re just meant to be! Amazing writer, Amazing chapter! Update soon!
That was just woah! Loved it, “I’m so in love with you I can barely breathe.”” the way Spence just blurted it out was =0 I think there’s a way to go before they can be together, but i think it will totally be worth it, they’re just meant to be! Amazing writer, Amazing chapter! Update soon!
and my day is completed! Loved it, I even got goosebumps when Spencer just blurted it out. Kepp ’em coming, I love your writing.
and my day is completed! Loved it, I even got goosebumps when Spencer just blurted it out. Kepp ’em coming, I love your writing.
Sorry…I’m back. My last post was way emotional…S, I totally see what you’ve done here and I love it. I get all angles of this…I understand what Spencer needs, in order to give. And I get that Ashley knows about herself, and that she needs Spencer to be at a certain place, in order for her motives to be from her honest space. Like I believe, as always, timing is god. Without it, we seem to fall apart.S, xxlCan’t wait for update.
Sorry…I’m back. My last post was way emotional…S, I totally see what you’ve done here and I love it. I get all angles of this…I understand what Spencer needs, in order to give. And I get that Ashley knows about herself, and that she needs Spencer to be at a certain place, in order for her motives to be from her honest space. Like I believe, as always, timing is god. Without it, we seem to fall apart.S, xxlCan’t wait for update.
I get what Spence is saying…and I understand her fears…but…man, you’re gonna blow it. What can’t you give? It’s there, for both of you. Ashley is ready, and I feel this last post basically expressed that. I assume Spence doesn’t feel IT is there, from both sides…but, shit, it is. Yes, it is scary, that Grey is being the father he should be, and the fam is working for her…but shit, Spence, how perfect do you want it? Not that it IS perfect, but…I guess you need more time. And I get that. I just fear for you…cause you have voiced something you never have before, and that’s gotta be terrifying. But, I could be totally off with this. Cause Sarah knows what’s up!Sarah…AWESOME update. Really :)
I get what Spence is saying…and I understand her fears…but…man, you’re gonna blow it. What can’t you give? It’s there, for both of you. Ashley is ready, and I feel this last post basically expressed that. I assume Spence doesn’t feel IT is there, from both sides…but, shit, it is. Yes, it is scary, that Grey is being the father he should be, and the fam is working for her…but shit, Spence, how perfect do you want it? Not that it IS perfect, but…I guess you need more time. And I get that. I just fear for you…cause you have voiced something you never have before, and that’s gotta be terrifying. But, I could be totally off with this. Cause Sarah knows what’s up!Sarah…AWESOME update. Really :)
bloody hell. wow. i demand you post again NOW. lol. plz.. ill sing to you. dance even. anything. just wow. i love you and your writing.
bloody hell. wow. i demand you post again NOW. lol. plz.. ill sing to you. dance even. anything. just wow. i love you and your writing.
Absolutely brilliant :-D!! Life is so complicated and you capture it beautifully. Spence is very spunky!! And, as Peglegmeg says, timing is god. They needed to talk and filters crumble when connection is more important…when connection is their destiny. I can’t wait to see how this unfolds!! PMS!!!!
Absolutely brilliant :-D!! Life is so complicated and you capture it beautifully. Spence is very spunky!! And, as Peglegmeg says, timing is god. They needed to talk and filters crumble when connection is more important…when connection is their destiny. I can’t wait to see how this unfolds!! PMS!!!!
Dam very fine chapter
Dam very fine chapter
whoa spence breath that was great pms like right now
whoa spence breath that was great pms like right now
You are like my caffeine fix every morning….how can I function until I have read your story…I am torn because I so want them together…but I love how you are weaving it all together and making me wait for what I really want….your writing is just amazing…you continue to take it to a new level. With that said…cheers….and hopefully I will find another post tomorrow:) thanks for giving me something to look forward to :)
You are like my caffeine fix every morning….how can I function until I have read your story…I am torn because I so want them together…but I love how you are weaving it all together and making me wait for what I really want….your writing is just amazing…you continue to take it to a new level. With that said…cheers….and hopefully I will find another post tomorrow:) thanks for giving me something to look forward to :)
goober — oh *points up* that’s absolutely fantastic!!! way to go goob!!
goober — oh *points up* that’s absolutely fantastic!!! way to go goob!!
Okay, so no one is even going to bother reading this, because my comments are long and boring and matter only to Sez, but here goes: Sez has been liberated from the confines of her horrible place of capture. As you heard in the author’s note, the Cloobers arrived with the Thai drag/beauty queen army and their Nepalese sherpa husbands (see previous author’s notes for explanation). At the conclusion of his amateur pop country music tour, my ex-buddhist monk from Nepal uncle Gyalzin (true story) began traversing the Chinese/Nepal border for signs of our old enemy: the cyborg goat. After many days – 2 to be exact – of searching, Gyalzin was able to locate the above mentioned cyborg and his nefarious and shadowy cohort. Once Sez was confirmed to be in the location, Gyalzin alerted Jesus (who totally rocked out a handlebar mostache and a buzz cut) who alerted Chuck Norris who both alerted the above mentioned Thai drag/beauty queens and their significant others who alerted the Cloobers and all of the above mentioned people (and a few odd pirates and zombies) coordinated a rescue so stunning in its simplicity that my head is still reeling. You see, the walked to the front door, knocked, and when they cyborg answered, they sprayed him with a hose which short-circuited his cyborg goat parts. Simple, eh? Then they just walked downstairs and unlocked the door Sez was in. The nefarious, shadowy reader who masterminded this whole debacle was not home at the time, though, and has eluded capture….for now. You see, I am in possession of the name of this most mysterious and evil of readers and am more than happy to reveal who it is…………once you update 28 Days, Clom. A promise is a promise, right? You update both and I detail your rescue and reveal the reader/capturer. So bring it on. We’re ALL waiting. :)
Okay, so no one is even going to bother reading this, because my comments are long and boring and matter only to Sez, but here goes: Sez has been liberated from the confines of her horrible place of capture. As you heard in the author’s note, the Cloobers arrived with the Thai drag/beauty queen army and their Nepalese sherpa husbands (see previous author’s notes for explanation). At the conclusion of his amateur pop country music tour, my ex-buddhist monk from Nepal uncle Gyalzin (true story) began traversing the Chinese/Nepal border for signs of our old enemy: the cyborg goat. After many days – 2 to be exact – of searching, Gyalzin was able to locate the above mentioned cyborg and his nefarious and shadowy cohort. Once Sez was confirmed to be in the location, Gyalzin alerted Jesus (who totally rocked out a handlebar mostache and a buzz cut) who alerted Chuck Norris who both alerted the above mentioned Thai drag/beauty queens and their significant others who alerted the Cloobers and all of the above mentioned people (and a few odd pirates and zombies) coordinated a rescue so stunning in its simplicity that my head is still reeling. You see, the walked to the front door, knocked, and when they cyborg answered, they sprayed him with a hose which short-circuited his cyborg goat parts. Simple, eh? Then they just walked downstairs and unlocked the door Sez was in. The nefarious, shadowy reader who masterminded this whole debacle was not home at the time, though, and has eluded capture….for now. You see, I am in possession of the name of this most mysterious and evil of readers and am more than happy to reveal who it is…………once you update 28 Days, Clom. A promise is a promise, right? You update both and I detail your rescue and reveal the reader/capturer. So bring it on. We’re ALL waiting. :)
i hadn’t been able to eat, i was so worried about clomle being held captive. hurray for the cloobers and the menagerie of other heroes…and props to goober too. (and you thought no one would read your comment. ha.) update was great…their situation seems so simple to us, but its always easy to solve someone else’s problems. i want spencer to just give in to her feelings…but i love that she wants to give everything to ashley and nothing less. however, that is impossible to achieve…especially as a parent. there will always be elly, and now the new baby. how does she imagine she will ever have all of herself to give to anyone? but admitting their feelings…lovely. this could get messy if ashley meets someone, but life is usually messy. reading this left me sad somehow…but that just means you’re doing a wonderful job clo. (or maybe that i need a life. meh.)
i hadn’t been able to eat, i was so worried about clomle being held captive. hurray for the cloobers and the menagerie of other heroes…and props to goober too. (and you thought no one would read your comment. ha.) update was great…their situation seems so simple to us, but its always easy to solve someone else’s problems. i want spencer to just give in to her feelings…but i love that she wants to give everything to ashley and nothing less. however, that is impossible to achieve…especially as a parent. there will always be elly, and now the new baby. how does she imagine she will ever have all of herself to give to anyone? but admitting their feelings…lovely. this could get messy if ashley meets someone, but life is usually messy. reading this left me sad somehow…but that just means you’re doing a wonderful job clo. (or maybe that i need a life. meh.)
“Oh hell. Oh, hell oh hell, oh hell. In a handbasket, with ribbons, sliding straight down the rocky path to the fiery lava pits that would consume their souls any second” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS FUNNY!!! i heart this entry it was very cute hope all goes well with spencer and ashley yaaay for an awsome post pms please
“Oh hell. Oh, hell oh hell, oh hell. In a handbasket, with ribbons, sliding straight down the rocky path to the fiery lava pits that would consume their souls any second” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS FUNNY!!! i heart this entry it was very cute hope all goes well with spencer and ashley yaaay for an awsome post pms please
OMG…ok so I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO addicted to your story. I just thought that I’d say that you are an amazing writer and that this story is definitely one of my favorites that I’ve ever read…
OMG…ok so I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO addicted to your story. I just thought that I’d say that you are an amazing writer and that this story is definitely one of my favorites that I’ve ever read…
What the hell was the use to tell ashley she was in love with her. If she isnt going to do anything about it. Spencer going to end up losing ashely. PMS
What the hell was the use to tell ashley she was in love with her. If she isnt going to do anything about it. Spencer going to end up losing ashely. PMS
Oh my God!! Did they just break up? WHY!! Is Spencer going to try to make her marriage work with Gray?! I feel so bad for Ashley because she probably feels like an outsider when Gray is around. I’m speechless right now. I don’t know what to say except pms….please…because I’m sad now and I was so happy when I saw my name. I’m like “Finally”! “She said my name”! Hell yeah I love your sex……”CLOME”!
Oh my God!! Did they just break up? WHY!! Is Spencer going to try to make her marriage work with Gray?! I feel so bad for Ashley because she probably feels like an outsider when Gray is around. I’m speechless right now. I don’t know what to say except pms….please…because I’m sad now and I was so happy when I saw my name. I’m like “Finally”! “She said my name”! Hell yeah I love your sex……”CLOME”!
I don’t know how you’re gonna do it but, you gotta get them together. (standing with arms crossed, huffing)Spencer went from wanting to reassure Ashley to telling her she can’t be with her in less than 5 minutes.That worries me. I want Ashley to be with Spencer when the baby is born. I know that for sure. Even if they don’t make up. But, maybe Spencer needs to see that her marriage is over to be sure about what she wants. I’m sure she knows she wants Ashley but, I think she’s scared. I can’t believe she thinks Ashley is playing games especially since Ashley has gone out of her way to bond with Elly. Silly Spencer, tricks and games are for kids. I’m alittle mad at her but, I can’t wait to see what happens next.
I don’t know how you’re gonna do it but, you gotta get them together. (standing with arms crossed, huffing)Spencer went from wanting to reassure Ashley to telling her she can’t be with her in less than 5 minutes.That worries me. I want Ashley to be with Spencer when the baby is born. I know that for sure. Even if they don’t make up. But, maybe Spencer needs to see that her marriage is over to be sure about what she wants. I’m sure she knows she wants Ashley but, I think she’s scared. I can’t believe she thinks Ashley is playing games especially since Ashley has gone out of her way to bond with Elly. Silly Spencer, tricks and games are for kids. I’m alittle mad at her but, I can’t wait to see what happens next.