It’s ringing. Shit what am I doing? I shouldn’t be calling her. I really need to pull it together and just hang up this phone. "Hello?" Damn it, she answered, why did she have to answer? Because it’s a phone dumb ass, when your phone rings don’t you answer it?! Wow I really need to take a breathe and calm down, even my own thoughts think I am losing it. Right I need to answer her before she hangs up on me. "Spence, hey how are you?" I spit out. There that wasn’t so hard. "I don’t have time for this." she replies. Alright not exactly the note I wanted to start out on but I can recover this. "I miss you," wow profound I think to myself as I spit out the thing on the front of my mind. "You can not keep calling me like this," she answers back. Straight to the point, one of the things that made me fall in love with her, Brutal Honesty. For the moment I choose to continue to ignore the fact that she really seems to not want to talk to me. "How was your day? Mine was the same as yesterday." I say giving a valid attempt at small talk. "Ashley, please this is hard for me too. I don’t want to get into this again. I can not keep having this same conversation with you." she sighed deeply as she spoke. I don’t listen to her words so much as her tone. She sounds tired, I bet she hasn’t been sleeping. That’s it, it isn’t that she doesn’t want to talk to me, she is just in a bad mood, you know from being tired. "Aw Hun did you have a bad nights sleep?" I ask trying to sound cute. "I have to go." she says into the phone. "Where are you?" I ask hearing a masculine voice in the background. "I am at Aidens" she answers. I think I just felt my heart hit the floor.

I let her go after that, reality creeping back in for the moment. I try to not think about it, pretend that everything was just a horrible dream. That I am really just on vacation, and that’s why I miss her so badly. It’s not the truth though. I sit here just staring at the phone I already hung up, feel the tears start to fill my eyes. How can she just be at Aidens right now? How can she be happy, and moving on with her life? I am broken. I am crushed. Sometimes when the wind blows at just the right angle I swear I can see the pieces of my heart floating off into the distance. I guess I should get out of this chair, there are other people that need to use the phone. I still have 7 minutes left on my turn but I don’t have any one else to call. So I pull myself up, put my sunglasses back on and head outside. My first destination is the women’s smoking table, yeah I really need a cigarette right now. How did I get here? I am in rehab. She is at Aidens.